Ever heard of a montana sex stone?

It's just a fucking rock

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/terifym3
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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Hannah Montana is canonically bi

She gets the best of both worlds

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/VexuBenny
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.

Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/Riverrat423
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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Montana has a new use for sheep...

Wool !

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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They say Montana is fairly populated, but it’s actually MT.

(Revising my previous joke)

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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Little Red Riding Hood was arrested yesterday in Montana

The judge told her she was going to hell in a hand basket.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2017
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I went into a Montana gift store to steal a bunch of stuff.

I came back MT handed.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2017
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What state is next to Montana?


πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/timeisinfinite
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2016
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Montana dads are funny too

Our bed is so uncomfortable, but it's Doctor's Choice. Which doctor would choose that? Dr. Kevorkian?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maria_Stacks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2014
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What is the difference between Butt and Butte?

One is the rear of an organism, the other is the rear of Montana.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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Do you know the top 15 states to live in?

Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, & Maine

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ‘€︎ u/ttynny20
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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What is the best American state to go sunbathing?


πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/hethondje
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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All she wanted for her birthday...

Was pink Beats.


edit: Reddit gold for a dadjoke? Now, truly, I am a proud father.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/onemonkey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2015
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What do you say to a girl with a broken nose?

I broke my nose in a really stupid horse-related accident in Montana.

Dad takes me to the local walk-in clinic. It's mostly empty, as it's around 7pm. As we're giving the insurance information and whatnot to the receptionist, Dad is busy doing that thing where he's texting without his cheaters so he's having to squint and hold the phone away and he's really not paying attention to some question the receptionist is asking...

So I whack him on the arm (with a towel held to my face) and say "Dad, pay attention."

Unblinking, he turns in my direction, without even looking directly at me, he mutters "Shut up, or I'll hit you again."

The receptionist was not pleased. He told the same joke to the doctor who stitched me up, and he laughed his ass off.

Actually, dad cracked so many jokes that the doctor kept having to pause while stitching up my nose. He took so long that the anesthetic wore off and I could definitely feel the last few stitches.

Dr: "Now sir, the stitches are going to cause your daughter's nose to swell quite a bit." Dad: "EVEN BIGGER!? That's amazing!"

Me: "Shut up Dad". Dad: (pinching his nose, speaking nasally) "Shut up Dad".

Unamused 18 year old daughter.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/wanderingstar625
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
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Can anyone give me capitals and state puns?

For example I have: What's the capital of Alaska? I'm pretty sure Juneau (You know)

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/twin802
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2016
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NEW!! Celebrity Fun in the Pun candle line!

Chris Pine - Pine scented

Cocoa Chanel - Hot cocoa scented

Beth Crow-ley - Rain, nighttime, and city streets scented

Tom Holly-and - Holly berry scented

JK Row-ling - Lakes and campfire scented

Miley Cypress - Cypress scented

Bob Moss - Forest and moss scented

Juniper Aniston - Juniper scented

Katy Berry - Mixed berry scented

Britney Spearmint - Spearmint scented

Bread Pitt - Bread scented

Tom Cruise - Ocean, salty, alcohol scented

Aurora - Nighttime, wind, whimsical scented

Nicole Kidman - baby powder scented

Justin Beaver - Wood, nature scented

Elvis Parsley - Parsley scented

Steve Cobs - Corn on the cob scented

Banana Montana - Banana scented

Orange Winfrey - Orange scented

Chris Bat - Nighttime, caves, and bats scented

Zoey Salad-ana - Salad, lettuce, leafy greens, tomato, cheese scented

Dwayne the Rock - Mountains, earthy, fresh, crisp, wind scented Jennifer Joe-pez - Nice hot cup o’ joe scented

Chicken Corbin Blue - Chicken and cheese and ham scented

Robert Brownie Jr. - Brownie scented

Sardine-a Gomez - Sardine scented

Daniel Rad-Clif - Clif bar blueberry flavor scented

Leonardo Di-Carp-rio - Fish scented

Halle Berry - Mixed scented

Demi Tomato - Tomato scented

Kevin Bacon - Bacon scented

Mandy S’more - S’mores scented

Mackerel-more - Fish scented

Broccoli Obama - Broccoli scented

WILL.I.SPAM. - Spam scented

Mark Buffalo Wings - Buffalo wing scented

John Lemon - Lemon scented

Shakiramisu - Tiramisu scented

Egg Sheeran - Eggs scented

Benedict Cucumber Patch - Cucumber scented

Adille - Dill scented

Kevin Spicy - Taco scented

Channing Potatum - Potato scented

Melon DeGeneres - Melon scented

Danny Burrito - Burrito scented

Michaelanjello - Red jello scented

Harry Panini - Panini scented

Snoop Hot Dog - Hot dog scented

Paris Hilton - Paris, city of love, generic love perfume scented

Morgan Whipped Cream-in - Whipped cream scented

Mike Fryson - French fry scented

Henry David Thoreaut Lozenge - Cough drop scented

Raisin Williams - Raisin scented

Robert Frosty - Vanilla ice cream scented

Jeff Onion-blum - Onion ring scented

Tom Skittle-ston - Skittles scented

Ralph Waldo M&Mson - Chocolate scented

Malt Whitman - Malt scented

(Friend and I came up with these on the ride down to Boston for a concert, after the β€œI wonder what Chris Pine smells like?” joke was brought up again from a previous time hanging out. I’m particularly proud of Bob Moss and Zoey Salad-ana.)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/Minnara
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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Need a place to stay? Well...
πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ‘€︎ u/ninjaW1THglasses
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2013
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Dropping my sister off at college

My Dad, my step-mom, and I visited my step-sister in Montana(we live in Washington) where she goes to school. We had a fun weekend with her all throughout Missoula. My step-mom and step-sister have a a really close bond so when it was time to say goodbye it was tough for them and they both started crying. My dad said something close to "Look now your mother is crying," to which my sister says "Why are you worrying about her I have to walk through people like this." To which my dad hits her with the most dad joke of a dad joke I've ever heard him say. "Why don't you just walk around them instead?"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2017
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Older gentleman told this joke at a Boy Scout campfire program a while ago. Thought it would fit here.

Once upon a time, when I was a wee lad, still in Boy Scouts, I went on a camping trip to Montana with my troop. It was going to be a great time, enjoying the cool weather and scenic views of the evergreen forests. However, we did have one issue: Montana is pretty notorious for having lots of bears. We weren't scared though, since our park ranger guide told us that bears can be scared off by making lots of noise, like yelling or hitting sticks on trees. Anyway, me and one of my friends, we'll call him Frank, were out exploring in the woods. We were doing what we were told to scare off the bears, but we were still a little antsy.

After a while, we got hungry, so we decided to sit down and eat our packed lunch. We found a nice log to sit on and rest our feet, and we put down our packs and started to sit. But then, Frank let out the BIGGEST scream I've ever heard! Then, he took off running, fast as a cheetah. I thought, "Uh, oh! Frank must've seen a bear!", so I took off after him. Frank was running so fast, we must have run for miles at breakneck speed. Eventually, he started to tire, and as I got closer, I saw why Frank screamed and started running. He had sat on a bear trap, and it was stuck fast to his rear end! We had a good laugh about it, but the bear trap really did leave its mark.

It's been a long time since that happened, and Frank hasn't run in while, but I like to tell this story because it explains why Frank's only half-fast now.

(If you don't get the joke, say the last sentence out loud)

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hoofpint
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2016
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My 2 year old is learning her colors

but doesn't always have the best pronunciation. When tasked with saying "yellow" it comes out more like "yay-yo." My Dad was visiting us this weekend, her grandfather, and when talking to her about the color he said "Yay-yo is my favorite color!" To which I replied "It was Tony Montana's, too, you'd better be careful."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/Killboy_Powerhead
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2016
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Caller ID

phone starts ringing, says its a telemarketer from "MO"

me: Dad, MO is Montana, right?

Dad: No, its Missouri.

Me: Why MO? Nobody notices the "O" in Missouri.

Dad: There's a lot of other states that start with an "M".

Me: What about MR? What does that one stand for?

...then my dad looks at me and smiles and says "Mister"... I rolled my eyes and went back to my room.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/UnbornValkyrie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2015
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States and Capitals

Wife and son are going over the States and Capitals (along with abbreviations).

Wife: OK, and Montana is MT. Me: Montana is not MT, there's mountains and all sorts of things to do in Montana.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/bwohlgemuth
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
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College Choices

So I was telling my father that I was considering applying to Carroll college.

Him: Where are they again? Me: Helena, Montana. Him: Oh, awesome! You can probably get a really good internship at their big handbasket company! Me: What? I didn't know they made baskets there. Him: Really? You haven't ever heard of Helena Handbasket?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/RufusBartholomew
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2014
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There's a town in MN named Motley...

Which means that for an hour in the car on the way to a Montana ski trip my dad and I went back-and-forth talking about it. (Source: I'm also a dad)

They have a factory that makes church benches. The famous Motley Pew.

They have their own brand of beer: The Motley Brew.

Stop by the diner for some Motley Stew.

Worst smokeless tobacco product ever: Motley Chew.

There's only one non-Christian in the whole town: The Motley Jew.

The town copyrighted their official town color: Motley Blue.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/trevize1138
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
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My Dad's, Dad joke.

(We are from Montana.)

Montana and North Dakota are in the middle of a war. The NDs have amassed a huge army and are about to march over a hill to invade MT. The commander of the ND army decides to send out a couple of scouts to see if the way is clear. Almost immediately after the two scouts disappear over the top of the hill, loud crashing and rumbling sounds come from the direction they went. After waiting until they are overdue for return, the commander decides to send a squad over to check out what happened. As they pass out of sight, a loud raucous was again heard from the other side of the hill. The commander becomes concerned and decides not to wait for them to return. He sends an entire platoon over the hill, telling them to take out any resistance they meet and return with any survivors. Once again, as the men disappear over the hill, the terrible sounds of war rush over the entire army and then slowly die down until nothing could be heard but the beating of the commanders heart. A proud man, never before defeated in battle, he decides to lead the entire army over the hill himself to destroy the opposition once and for all, but as they begin to march they see a single, mangled, ND soldier pulling himself up over the top of the hill by the only functioning limb of his body. Beaten, bloody and near death, he manages, with help, to make it to the commander and says; "Sir... (cough) Don't go... (spit, cough) It's a trap..."

And in the surprise induced silence he says;

"There's TWO of 'em."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/error-div_by_zero
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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Montana has a new use for sheep


πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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