It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
Cruel joke my dad used to play
When I was a kid, my dad used to ask me if I wanted to go to Cotton Springs. When I said yes, he would tell me to go to bed :(
I used to be a shepherd, but I got fired...
...for falling asleep during inventory.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey.
Good thing I turned myself around.
So I used to work at an orange juice factory...
But I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
I used to date a Welsh girl who had 32 D’s
It was a ridiculously long name
I used to hate facial hair
My coffee table used to be owned by Evander Hoyfield ...
I can tell because it's missing a little piece of veneer.
I used to be a judge for the world orchestra championships, but I quit because too many of them were coming out with outlandish sob stories to win me over...
Always trying to get the symphony vote.
I used to have a job crushing pop cans
I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B!
When people ask me if i've always been in the IT industry, i tell them "No, i used to be a diesel fitter."
"I worked at a factory that made women's undergarments, and i stood at the end of the line. Every time a pair came down, id put them on my head and say dees'l fit'r."
I don't understand why sailors used to get scurvy all the time, I mean...
They had plenty of vitamin sea.
My brother used to go with a undercover cop called Ivy.
She turned out to be a plant.
I used to like telling Dad jokes.
I used to love fishing with my son.
Oh well !! I have to find something else to use as bait now.
My dog used to bark Bow-Wow! Older now, he goes AARP-AARP!
I used to eat watches and clocks for every meal, but I had to stop.
It was too time consuming.
I used to play guitar by ear...
Years ago, I used to supply Filofaxes to the mafia
I was involved in very organized crime
My family used to own a farm with prize winning animals
The cows were udderly awesome.
I used to be a trampoline salesman
It had its ups and downs.
I used to date a stewardess from Helsinki
I dropped her off at work one day and she vanished into Finnair
Found out that my nanna used to compete in banana eating competitions until she was caught cheating...
... Then they had to ban nanna
I used to be in a band called 'Missing cat'
You probably saw our posters
My buddy used his stimulus check to buy some baby chickens
He got his money for nothin’ and his chicks for free
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. I’m glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.
Which movie director used to be a lumberjack?
I used to be the soccer team's striker until my coach realized I wasn't playing well. He said....
You should play defense, no offense.
I had a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tires and roll me down hills
I hadn’t used my main in around a year but had a reason to burro back in my post history... I had forgotten about this, and I don’t mean to brag but this is the single greatest post I’ve ever made on reddit.
Her: "I have a confession...I used to be Christian. "
Me: " That doesn't bother me. "
Her: "Thats great... Because I'd much rather be known as Christine now."
I used to be a head of human resources.
But then it got too personnel.
I used to be clairvoyant
But I didn’t see a future in it.
I used to have a Russian friend who was a sound technician
And a Czech one too. A Czech one too
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, but my roommate used the paper to roll up his joint
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to see again.
My buddy used to paint these beautiful beach scapes when he lived on the coast, but since he’s moved away, he won’t paint any more.
I guess he’s now an ex-cape-artist...
My buddy and I used to be Marijuana dealers and we always split our profits evenly between us.
I used to have issues.
But I canceled my subscription.
I used to go out with a girl who used to punch me on my face everytime she had an orgasm
I didn't mind too much, until I found out, she was faking them.
Did you know I used to be a Lumber Jack? It was only during one summer, though.
I just couldn't, hack it.
Because I didn't have the, chops.
So they, gave me the axe.
Our family dog used to chase people riding bikes
It got so bad in the end, we had to take the bikes off him.
I used to have an inferiority complex....
But, it wasn't a very good one.
My wife is angry. Last night for my anniversary, I left the kids, snuck out with my ex-girlfriend, and we hooked up in the back seat like we used to.
She hates when I call her that.
I used to be scared of speed bumps.
I’m slowly getting over it
I used to play the piano by ear...
But now I just use my hands.
I used to play the triangle in a reggae band
I left because it was just one ting after another
I used to date a air hostess from Helsinki...
I dropped her off to work last week and she just vanished into Finnair.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
