I used to do drugs in the 90’s.
Now I don’t care what temperature it is.
When I was a kid, my mother used to give me 10$ and send me to the market. I could take 1lt of milk, 10 eggs, flour, 3 bread loaves and two steaks, Today it’s impossible…
…all because of those damn security cameras.
I used to be addicted to elevators
Now Im taking steps to avoid them
I used to run a dating service for chickens
But I was struggling to make hens meet
I used to clean the toilets when I was in the army
They called me loo tenant
I used to have a problem only referring to myself by US state abbreviations
I never used to like my beard
I used to worry that my dad stole from his job as a road worker..
.. when I got home the signs were all there
I used to teach origami.
But there was too much paperwork.
I used to not believe in Chiropractors.
But now I stand corrected.
I used to have a job assembling tiny pieces of cheese.
when I was a child, I used to hate prime rib.
I now realize that was a huge miSTEAK.
I bought a thing of pickles when I went grocery shopping. When I got home, I used it to hold the door. My wife came up to me later and said, "Honey, you left the door open."
"No, dear, I left it a jar."
I remember when I was 9 years old, I used to make sandcastles with my Grandpa
Until my mother told me to put the urn back on the mantlepiece...
I used to work at a shoe factory, operating a trash compactor.
But I had to leave that job because it was sole-crushing.
I have a pencil that used to belong to Shakespeare, but he chewed on it a lot.
I can't even tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
I once used a trinket to tenderize hamburger meat.
I guess I'd call it a knick knack patty whack
I used to hate facial hair as a kid
Somebody that I used to know
I used to be addicted to soap
I used to be negative when I was positively charged... but I'm not anymore...
I used to make jokes at work during meetings, and I could really get people laughing. then COVID hit, and all our meetings were online. I'd still make jokes, but no one would laugh...
Not one. At first, I thought it was just because everyone was muted. It turns out, they didn't find me remotely funny.
I used to hate hair
Recently it's started to grow on me
I used to date a tennis player
But luv meant nothing to her.
I used to be able to play the piano by ear
But now I have to use my hands.
I used to belong to a union for woodworkers
But after they mandated the use of safety gloves, me and some of my buddies broke off and formed a splinter group.
I knew a man who used to take things seriously, but then he had to have one of his butt cheeks surgically removed.
Ever since then, everything he does is completely half-assed
My safe was wobbly so I used my old checkbook to balance it
Now it's financially stable
I used solid gold tacks when putting up a poster to make it look classy!
Unfortunately it ended up looking very tacky instead.
I used to have a major ego problem
But since taking care of it I'm flawless and perfect 😎
My wife interrupted me while I was singing "Somebody that I used to know". She said I'm too addicted to the song.
And I agree, but she didn't have to cut me off.
Before we were married, my wife used to clean up my place, and i used to clean hers.
Eventually we realized that we were maid for each other.
I used to have a job at a calendar factory.
But I got fired because I took a couple of days off.
I used to work at an orange juice factory, but I got canned.
They put the squeeze on me because I couldn't concentrate.
I used to work at a can crushing facility, but I quit.
When I was a kid my dad used to put me in tires and roll me around.
I used to hang out with a guy who crossbred insects...
But I got sick of his crazy ant ticks.
I used to be a kidnapper
But now I am just an adult napper
I wasn't sure if I would get used to having a mustache
I used to be a big metal fan.
But, with recent revelations, I have discovered that I, am an air conditioner.
I used to run a dating service for chickens.
But I was struggling to make hens meet.
I used to do drugs in the 90s.
Now I don't care what the temperature is.
I used to do drugs in the 90’s.
Now I don’t care what temperature it is.
I used to hate facial hair
I used to be addicted to hand sanitizer.
I used to be addicted to soap
I used to be addicted to soap.
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