My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It’s been a week now and she’s still not talking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joachim_s
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
They're gonna sell corn on the cob at the Super Bowl, and it's rumored to be cheap.

Only a...buck an ear?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I finally went to talk to the super cute girl who works in the Egyptian super market.

Her: What can I do for you?

Me: I'm looking for a date.

Her: Oh, what kind of dates?

Me: Uhmm, just dinner and a movie :)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gliscor_dude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?

... Because his parents died

πŸ‘︎ 153
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hicks4183
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Honey where's my super suit
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squiffy_Can
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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I was super lucky to get an advent calendar this year...

because you know their days are numbered.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/es_mo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to choose between three cats. The first was super affectionate, like a dog. The second prefers to be alone all the time. I picked the third, whose personality is somewhere in between.

I named him Meat Loaf because he would do anything for love, but he won’t do that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My piggy bank is getting super old...

I may have to change it out.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poiuy03
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter just dropped a dad joke that made me super proud.

We're celebrating my daughter's 4th birthday party today. She puts her giant number 4 balloon on her head, turns to me and says "Look daddy, it's a four-head!"

πŸ‘︎ 653
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PsychicGnome
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Introducing the new rhyme speaking Green Onion with the super tight back beat! Please welcome the one! The only---

Rapscallion!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How does Super Mario get drunk?

With some Boos

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeKrispyKreme
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Super important
πŸ‘︎ 239
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Knightlocke3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is Toad the most popular character in the Super Mario World?

Because he's a real fungi!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clark_creationz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my son that the Super Bowl is next week. He said, "Cool! I wanna watch!"

I said, "Why? You're cell phone tells time."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redhot_ginga
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Super Nintendo chalmers
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FBI_03
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hatlesshobo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone was super stoked at the surgeon ward party.

It was open Mike night!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatogamer555
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s only one super hero who can get into this frozen dinner

Leave it to Thor

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nymphomanius
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Most people really hate when cars have a super reflective wrap, they think it’s too showoffy.

Personally, I can see myself in one of them.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yraja
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally made a joke about super smash bros

I didn't nintendoe do that

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tinotayy
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
How does French Super Mario tell his fortune?

L’ouija board.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I miss Cubs baseball so much that I asked my kid to build me a super realistic Wrigley Field in Minecraft.

She did a great job, because just like the real Wrigley these days, the only seats I could afford had blocked views.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Deep in the villain’s super secret base

Deep in the villain’s super secret base, he noticed that his 10” concrete filled steel walls looked bare. He asked his minions why was there no large, artistic rendering of his terrifying logo hanging behind his desk.

His minions replied, β€œWe’ve tried everywhere, but we’ve been unable to find a sketchy artist.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tragicwaters
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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Super, man
πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skb1976
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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What do you call a clever yet contemptible Brit who makes chocolate and candy in a super-secret factory?

Wily Wanka!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I just accidentally super-glued my thumb and index finger together!! At first, I started to panic, but then I remembered that...

...it’s always going to be okay...

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Who's the fastest super hero?

Speeder-man

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sulfinn
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Taking the Browns to the Super Bowl shouldn’t be a metaphor for pooping

It should be a metaphor for constipation

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/36chambersoffun
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My YouTube video about Covid-19 is super popular.

It’s viral and spreading rapidly.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EtraNosral
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Made some speaker boxes out of laundry detergent bottles. They sound super clean. imgur.com/a/Sal1yyC/I
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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Thank god Canada’s not the global super power

Or we'd all be sorry

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/llMude13ll
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm super proud of this one, no matter how lame it is. imgur.com/sjdHNxs
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
🚨︎ report
If the Super Bowl went into overtime, does that mean the first 4 quarters were just a really long commercial since the game was Tide?

I really hope Tide had another commercial ready just in case.

Edit: Thank you for the Reddit Gold, kind stranger! My first!

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brady_bear3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What company owns the rights to Super Bowl 59?

NetfLIX

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nichoski
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Super moist van
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuma_Paws_376
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?

It hertz your eardrums

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShyDemonKat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a flatbread with super powers?

A super gyro

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crusselll
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Super hot sex tape
πŸ‘︎ 482
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ServalSpots
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Why isn’t there a super hero that instead of being bitten by a spider and getting a spider sense, gets bitten by lice and get a lice sense to kill?
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mlopes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend Adam was telling me how, in addition to marrying a hot super model whose daddy bought the house he lives in and the car he drives just for marrying his daughter, he was also sexing up a hot stewardess. I found it hard to believe...

Because Adams make up everything!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report

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