.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
“I can’t believe I blew 40 bucks in there”
It was a flop.
and mean your mother.
I just couldn't, hack it.
Because I didn't have the, chops.
So they, gave me the axe.
Boy-ant-C!
But no pun in ten did.
Can you smell carrots?
She could see I was stressed out with work and she and I have a very dark sense of humour.
Hey Dad, you ok?
Yeah li'l beat just over worker and tired and stressed about the holidays.
"hey dad, lots of men struggle with mental health don't worry about it too much, Robin Williams and Kurt Cobain daughters turned out just fine."
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- absoutely briliant
...and that's my in-tire story.
I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
The match.
The rest were not E
The Quaranteens
...It was a down grade.
“Do you know how to drive this thing?”
"I'm sorry for what my friend said, I would like to a-pollen-gise"
... when it is full groan!
(Glad she still has her sense of humor at her age; gives me hope for my future!)
Yes, there's a vas deferens.
That was the punchline...
kid: RERErRErerErRerererererEreRerrerereRrErrrErEre!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?
Dad: Calm down! My ears hertz!!!
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
But my publisher told me that word games are not what I excel at.
My own fault though, I kept her out too long.
I said shuriken
It was a wanton wonton
He nuts and bolts.
I spent all night sewing hearts into shirt and britches. Had to go thru 11 decks of cards.
There's more geese on that side.
Eileen......
What do you call a woman with two legs?
Noleen
My coworker and I tried to apprehend them but they were just too phosphorus…
They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.
As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.
They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.
Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?
They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.
"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".
They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.
But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.
The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.
And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!
Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?
"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"
In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and
... keep reading on reddit ➡He asked what was wrong and they told him that his wife had died and that they were preparing to bury her.
The man replied: "that's grave news!"
Because if it didn't it would fall over.
After that, our teacher became ruthless
“Ya, I’m positive.”
He replied ”Rudolph the red knows rain dear”.
That side has more birds.
It was a fun-gal infection
The little one was a little more on.
I call it a wreath of Franklin.
That was the punchline
Can you smell carrots?
"Its going to rain soon" he said to his wife. "How could you possibly know that?" She asked. He simply replied, "Because Rudolph The Red knows rain, dear."
