I was texting a girl last night, and ended up quoting lord of the rings. She said she wasn't sure she recognized the line, but "it rings a bell".
To which I replied "Lord of the rings a bell?"
The flirting promptly ended after that.
She's told me that like 10 Erso times.
But one pun in ten did.
...I guess I'm just a one-pun-in-ten dad.
I propose we start a daily competition.
Each day the winner of the pervious days thread provides the word for the day.
Then you lovely lot will go off into reddit and try make the best pun around that word/phrase you can, and link your best result in that days thread. The comment with the most up votes wins for the day. Only one pun per account per day.
Ill start with a relatively easy one: Pun
but eventually I look on the internet for more. I'd say coming from the internet one pun intended.
A couple puns.
A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."
There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this one).
edit: just a bit of formatting showing difference from one pun the other
One pun in ten dead.
My mom said she was making Indian food tonight, including naan. I asked if she had all the "naan-essentials." She made an angry noise. "Sorry," I said, "was that a naan-sequitor?"
My dad happened to walk in just then. "Punish him!" my mom said to him.
"What? Why?"
"He keeps making puns!" My dad paused for a moment.
"Sounds like he's the one pun-ishing you."
We took a plastic fish to a marching rehearsal at my university last year. Afterwards, we proceeded to have a conversation that was one pun after another.
"Fish. That is all."
"Just for the halibut."
"Oh for the love of cod, can we not bring this here?"
"Seriously, I will krill every last one of you."
"I'm not squidding with you guys. This scampi happening any more."
"Sorry. I couldn't resist the oppor-tuna-ty."
"You're floundering."
"Why, pollocks! I'm just getting started!"
"Don't worry. His shark is worse than his bite."
"Don't trout my pun ability."
"'Pun ability' my bass! You wouldn't know a fish joke if it sprat you in the eye!"
"I might need to go see a sturgeon. These jokes are killing me."
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
Thatβs just unpresidented
Love means nothing to them
βI canβt believe I blew 40 bucks in thereβ
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, βItβs you. I can tell by the voice.β
The other astronaut replies βIn space no one can, here use creamβ
Crew: I I Captain.
I really have to make it count
He has selfie steam issues.
Only Juan.
5yo: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
5yo: To get to the dummy's house.
Me:...
5yo:...
Me:...
5yo: Knock Knock.
Me: Who's there?
5yo: The chicken.
It was a flop.
Apparently it is private.
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....
When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees
Her/she.
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
I just couldn't, hack it.
Because I didn't have the, chops.
So they, gave me the axe.
and mean your mother.
They didnβt say anything; they just waved.
Boy-ant-C!
Or should I split them apart?
But no pun in ten did.
She could see I was stressed out with work and she and I have a very dark sense of humour.
Hey Dad, you ok?
Yeah li'l beat just over worker and tired and stressed about the holidays.
"hey dad, lots of men struggle with mental health don't worry about it too much, Robin Williams and Kurt Cobain daughters turned out just fine."
