My friend told me he's going to try to get a large group of wolves to separate from each other.

There's a lot to unpack there.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TurtleofAwesomeness
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
THIS JUST IN: A man is still in critical condition after swallowing $100,000 in large bills.

No change is expected

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/junerlegion
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a large group of aliens?

b-liens.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theosimpact
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
When you order a large combo meal in north korea what size is your drink?

1 supreme liter.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 115
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/oppy1984
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I was excited to get a large can of fine meat from Amazon.

But it turned out to be spam.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I ordered a large duck at the Chinese last night.

The bill was huge.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
A snail was zipping around the neighborhood in a car with a large S on it

I told the wife "Look at that S car go!!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/I_Only_Have_One_Hand
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
At my school, there's a large lizard that wanders the halls all day.

It's a hall monitor.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/huuhhhh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I was walking out of the store when I was approached by a crazed man who threw a short but large nail into the air.

He seemed non-aggressive at first, but he’s quite angry now and it appears I’m under a tack.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jesusofbullets
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
There is a religious veterinarian who has a strict rule that only one vet can work on large animals at a time

Because it is a sin to co-vet an oxen or donkey.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/glowing-fishSCL
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
The Harp Exaggerated How Large It Was...

It was a Lyre

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ItsABardKnockLife
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Hope a large fraction of y'all have a sense of humour
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/simwalkedaway
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
True story: During a large dinner my son said that he was addicted to the gravy

I told him "the best way to break that addiction is to quit cold turkey"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jabberwonki
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that McDonalds gave all their employees large laptops for Christmas?

They were Big Macs.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 40
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AnthMaster7
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Two extraordinarily large horses were sitting at the bar having a beer. Guy walks in and says to the bartender. "Hey, what's with the Clydesdales?" Bartender says,

"They're draft horses"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a problem with over-engineered large buildings.

It's a complex complex complex.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Youngmanandthelake
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Person in front of me ordering coffee asked "can I have a large house?"

And I said "not without a large mortgage"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dad_2_the_bone
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said there was a large fly buzzing around our bedroom and told me to go kill it. I rolled my eyes and said she should call 911. She asked why.

I responded: So they can send the swat team.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 456
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OfficerBarbier
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.

Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/levitron
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that when it snows my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OverSpeedClutch
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I fell into a large vat of curry....

Was in a korma for a month.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a large land mass that uncontrollably leaks into the ocean?

Incontinent

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheGogglesDo-Nothing
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The other day I saw a large number of bread rolls moving rhythmically to music.

They were doing it in a-bun-dance.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/keychainoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A thief broke into a guy's house, stole his stuff, killed the man, and turned him into a large cup…

… he was mugged.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KonoAnonDa
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A pirate wanted to celebrate his captain’s birthday, so he bought a large quantity of balloons while ashore. Back on the ship, he walked over to hand the balloons to the captain, but he tripped and most of them floated away. The captain said, β€œArrr! That was a costly mistake...”

β€œWe lost a lot of doubloons.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Unfussed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you trust large trees?

They’re usually the shadiest ones.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 289
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/koNekterr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of fermented milk product do large scary monsters eat?

Ogret

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NPVT
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Had a large keyboard instrument with pipes that I gave for free to my local church.

Always proud to be an organ donor.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/whippedcreamcheese
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
So I was buying cheese the other day when the clerk came out with a large wheel. Problem is, they tripped, landing on the wheel and crushed it. He asked if I still wanted it. I said no. He asked why.

I simple told him "It's no Gouda!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I was excavating a large hole in my backyard in order to build an underground office. My neighbor wasn't too happy with the noise and wanted to come and see what all the commotion was about.

I told him to just leave me alone. After all, I'm just mining my own business.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IAMA_SWEET
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
One small step for dad jokes, one large step for pun lines...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Un_orthodocs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Said in a field full of large mushrooms

"There's humungous fungus amongus!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I noticed 2 large bumps on my car battery.

I had them tested and one came back positive. Google says it’s terminal.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 379
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CodyClay1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can X-Men and circus performers call to lift their large vehicles?

Huge jack men

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pj566
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
As I was walking down the street, I noted a man with a large pole in his hand and stopped to ask, "Are you a pole-vaulter?"

His response was, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m not the mouth, the stomach, the small or large intestines

AITA?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/logoman4
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A Navy captain got in trouble for ordering an anchor much too large for his ship

Weigh more than needed

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DweadPiwateWoberts
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The capital of India received a large shipment of refrigerators for displaying meat but they were contaminated with coronavirus...

it was a lot of new deli cases

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xtaldad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A large bird follows me wherever I go.

I think I’m being storked.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Slobberchops_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the small oven greet the large oven?

He Microwaved.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AlphaSongbird
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Work pun regarding a dewar (large metal tank used for liquid nitrogen)
πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Timmy12er
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard a large oil company is making fuel out of bug urine...

I think it’s BP.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MarthasFoolishGinger
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I ordered a large duck at the Chinese last night...

The bill was huge.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report

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