Did you hear that McDonalds gave all their employees large laptops for Christmas?
Two extraordinarily large horses were sitting at the bar having a beer. Guy walks in and says to the bartender. "Hey, what's with the Clydesdales?" Bartender says,
Person in front of me ordering coffee asked "can I have a large house?"
And I said "not without a large mortgage"
Hope a large fraction of y'all have a sense of humour
I have a problem with over-engineered large buildings.
It's a complex complex complex.
When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.
Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.
Did you know that when it snows my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen?
I ordered a large duck at the Chinese last night...
I fell into a large vat of curry....
Was in a korma for a month.
What do you call a large land mass that uncontrollably leaks into the ocean?
My wife said there was a large fly buzzing around our bedroom and told me to go kill it. I rolled my eyes and said she should call 911. She asked why.
I responded: So they can send the swat team.
A thief broke into a guy's house, stole his stuff, killed the man, and turned him into a large cup…
A pirate wanted to celebrate his captain’s birthday, so he bought a large quantity of balloons while ashore. Back on the ship, he walked over to hand the balloons to the captain, but he tripped and most of them floated away. The captain said, “Arrr! That was a costly mistake...”
“We lost a lot of doubloons.”
The other day I saw a large number of bread rolls moving rhythmically to music.
They were doing it in a-bun-dance.
So I was buying cheese the other day when the clerk came out with a large wheel. Problem is, they tripped, landing on the wheel and crushed it. He asked if I still wanted it. I said no. He asked why.
I simple told him "It's no Gouda!"
Had a large keyboard instrument with pipes that I gave for free to my local church.
Always proud to be an organ donor.
I was excavating a large hole in my backyard in order to build an underground office. My neighbor wasn't too happy with the noise and wanted to come and see what all the commotion was about.
I told him to just leave me alone. After all, I'm just mining my own business.
Who can X-Men and circus performers call to lift their large vehicles?
Why can’t you trust large trees?
They’re usually the shadiest ones.
Said in a field full of large mushrooms
"There's humungous fungus amongus!"
One small step for dad jokes, one large step for pun lines...
As I was walking down the street, I noted a man with a large pole in his hand and stopped to ask, "Are you a pole-vaulter?"
His response was, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
The capital of India received a large shipment of refrigerators for displaying meat but they were contaminated with coronavirus...
it was a lot of new deli cases
A Navy captain got in trouble for ordering an anchor much too large for his ship
I’m not the mouth, the stomach, the small or large intestines
A large bird follows me wherever I go.
I think I’m being storked.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
I noticed 2 large bumps on my car battery.
I had them tested and one came back positive. Google says it’s terminal.
I heard a large oil company is making fuel out of bug urine...
What do you call someone with large nipples who used to be a reporter?
Work pun regarding a dewar (large metal tank used for liquid nitrogen)
I pulled over a truck going 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone. He had a cargo of axe-like tools used for shaping large pieces of wood.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
I saw someone carry a large air conditioner to their car
I’m not good with conversations, so I practice talking to large rocks.
It helps me speak boulder.
Where do large sea mammals go to get their body mass measured?
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Chalk boards are no longer being used in schools, so when the last school finally took them down to install smart boards, the teachers gathered all the writing utensils from them and had a large bon fire just outside the school. It smelled so good.
One of the founders of a large company called Aloecorp, Inc. recently got divorced
His wife is seeking aloemoney
People ask why I have a collection of large scissors.
I tell them it is for the shear fun of it
I like large animals, but hippos are just plain fat
Some people may consider this hippo-critical
It's amazing how many large events have been cancelled recently.
It has been an unconventional year.
I just noticed two large bumps on my car battery.
I had one of them tested, and it was positive. Hope it's not terminal.
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