A burglar broke into my house and I pushed my bookcase on top of him.
From my 10-year-old: "Daddy, what has it's bottom at the top?"
"I don't know, bud, what?"
"Your legs."
Well done, kid.
I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- absoutely briliant
Well, I got my vaccine today but the nurse put it in the top of my leg.
Top ten sources of static electricity...
A bunch of guys decided to build a cocktail lounge on top of Pike’s Peak.
It didn’t do as well as hoped. Maybe they set the bar too high.
I put on 30 jackets one on top of the other, someone calls me and asks me to go out, I said I can’t ...
You know what tops a plain pizza?
They were high-tops
I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what they were laced with but I was tripping all day.
Why do they call the top rooms in a hotel the suite?
'Cause when you open the door to walk in you say .... 'sweeeeet'
Just got an epic eye roll for this: My son was showing me his school work from math, where he was learning fractions. I pointed to where he wrote his name on a line at the top and asked what that fraction was.
I told him it should be {Sons Name} / Mommy. Since he came from her.
Then I said he could reduce that fraction further since he came from his mommy, that fraction would equal....
One Whole
I enjoyed hiking up mountains, until I arrived at the top.
From there, it's all downhill.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
What’s the top streaming service in Russia?
I couldn't make it to the top of the tower in Paris...
As we were at the top of the Eiffel Tower watching a beautiful sunset, I got down on one knee and said, “Honey?”
She gasped audibly and said, “Yeah?”
I said, “Help! My knee is made of magnets!”
What does Carrot Top wear to the beach?
I am a proud dad today - my son ask me what this Indian bread on top of the fridge is for
I told him it’s Naan of his business
Edit: he could have replied “papa dumb”
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs
Top Dad Jokes list, some of the best ones:
One, ein, un, bat, ekab, moja, wahed, odin, yski
If your in the bottom bunk of a bunk bed and someone's asleep in the top bunk,
Does that mean you're under a rest?
Do you know the top 15 states to live in?
Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, & Maine
After a long hike to the top of a mountain, my wife asked me, “So what do you think of The View?”
I said, “Whoopi Goldberg is ok, but I don’t like the other women on the show.”
what did the depressed water park attendant think of at the top of a high rise building?
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was not worth the trip.
Sad to report the death of the founder of Dulux paint. He died this morning from hypothermia on top of a mountain.
It's been reported he could have done with another coat.
What happens when chickens lay eggs at the top of a hill?
What does a blind woman say when she gets to the top of the Space Needle?
Nothing, cause she can't Seattle.
My friend announced that he parkoured his way to the top of a pub, but nobody cared.
After all, it was a low bar to climb.
Why was the farmer afraid to rescue the cow from on top of the barn?
The steaks were too high.
Trump's top aides have Coronavirus
It would appear he has a staff infection
Whats green has 6 legs and if it fell out of a tree on top of you it would kill you.
The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighbors… One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacks… Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says “My wife’s an angel
I said, “you’re lucky – mine is still alive…”
Top places to get a bunch of doves
- Bird store
- Magicians warehouse
When I dropped my top-of-the-line Microsoft laptop on the asphalt, I figured it was ruined
Turns out I had barely scratched the Surface.
A woman starting a hike at the Grand Canyon asked me how the trail was as I reached the top
I said “it’s all downhill from here!”
My friend tried opening up a driving range to compete with Top Golf.
Not sure if he pulled it off but I know it took a lot of balls to do it.
I bet a butcher $20 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf...
He said "Sorry man. The steaks are too high."
There is always something going wrong on the top floor of my house.
Id say its a problem-attic
What has a bottom on the top ?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
