My son took a box of crackers out of the cabinet to get a snack. I told him to put it back with the box top facing out to make it easier next time...

I told him it was a get Ritz quick scheme...

👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/Titeman
📅︎ Jan 14 2019
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Today my mom opened the pantry and a box of cereal fell off the top shelf and hit her head.

Dad (sitting at the kitchen table) "GASP A CEREAL KILLER!!"

I died.

👍︎ 16
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📅︎ Mar 06 2016
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What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

Breathe grandpa, or they will have to put you in the box! (Raisin joke on top)

👍︎ 11
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📅︎ Dec 28 2020
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My Jewish friend got his son the best 13th birthday gift.

So his son plays baseball and his mitt was in rough condition. They make these little boxes for baseball mitts that put out heat, humidity, and massage the mitt slightly to keep it in good condition. They're pretty small and can fit on a kitchen counter top. It's best to keep them near the sink to refill the water reservoir when it gets low. It's helpful if it's like right above the sink. My friend had put his on the bar behind the sink.

It was seriously the nicest bar mitt spa I had ever seen!

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ Aug 12 2019
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"I finished a puzzle the other day. It took me 3 years to finish it..."

"...I thought that was quite good seeing as it said "2 to 4 years" on the box"

Courtesy of my dad today. Top joke, pops.

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👤︎ u/MrexD
📅︎ Dec 29 2018
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I dadjoked my Co-Worker today.

So my co-worker and I were near the Ladders and Step Stools aisle and she asked me:

Co-Worker: Hey, could you take this box and put it on top of the shelf please?

Me: Sure but I'll need that ladder over there or a step stool. Preferably the latter since it's closer.

Then she goes and takes a ladder and brings it to me.

Co-Worker: Here ya go!

Me: That's not what I asked for.

Co-Worker: B.. But you said you wanted a ladder didn't you?

Me: Did I?

Co-Worker: You said you wanted the ladder because it was... Oh I see. Rolls eyes

👍︎ 9
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👤︎ u/BlooZebra
📅︎ Feb 09 2015
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My Dad surprised me with this one the other day.

So I was at a baseball game with my dad, and a beer salesman was moving through the isles. He was carrying a box with beer cans in it, and a bag of ice on top. He was yelling "Beer on ice!" So my dad turns to me and says "looks more like ice on beer to me."

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📅︎ Sep 01 2013
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Mooooooo!

Dad and I would be innocently walking around the food store and happen upon the prepared foods aisle when he would notice the Hamburger Helper boxes. He'd laugh to himself, just thinking about the lame joke he always tells before it even comes out of his mouth.

"What do you call a masturbating cow?!"

Normally the way a joke works is you wait for someone to interact with you, answer your question or at least acknowledge that you're telling a joke - not my dad. He yells at himself at the top of his lungs.

"BEEF STROGANOFF!! ...MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Really loudly. Way louder than any person should ever speak indoors. ..I miss him.

👍︎ 14
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👤︎ u/LIL_Britty
📅︎ Aug 09 2013
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