A burglar broke into my house and I pushed my bookcase on top of him.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him fifty bucks that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.
He said, "No the steaks are too high."
I came up with the top ten reasons you shouldn't pee on an electric fence...
What was the man who installs granite tops in Kitchens charge with?
I decided to stop walking under billboards after one collapsed on top of me.
I took it as a sign from above.
I put on 30 jackets all on top of each other. Someone called and asked if I was coming out, I said sorry I can’t...
What do you call six boys stacked on top of each other?
I heard they opened a new restaurant near the top of Mt. Everest
Careful though, the steaks are high
I couldn't make it to the top of that huge tower in France....
Today, on the news, there was an incident in my town where a city bus lost control and landed on top of a house. No one was killed and the city is paying all passengers.
I guess you can say the bus ride was on the house.
From my 10-year-old: "Daddy, what has it's bottom at the top?"
"I don't know, bud, what?"
"Your legs."
Well done, kid.
Got a job at a potato chip factory. On top of salary they said I could pick any flavor chip off the shelf once a month.
They prided themselves in their stock options.
I was an uber driver for a bunch of pro wrestlers, they were so tired after their show they all just stacked on top of each other in my backseat
I guess I was the pile driver
I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- absoutely briliant
Well, I got my vaccine today but the nurse put it in the top of my leg.
Top ten sources of static electricity...
A bunch of guys decided to build a cocktail lounge on top of Pike’s Peak.
It didn’t do as well as hoped. Maybe they set the bar too high.
You know what tops a plain pizza?
They were high-tops
I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what they were laced with but I was tripping all day.
I enjoyed hiking up mountains, until I arrived at the top.
From there, it's all downhill.
Why do they call the top rooms in a hotel the suite?
'Cause when you open the door to walk in you say .... 'sweeeeet'
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
I am a proud dad today - my son ask me what this Indian bread on top of the fridge is for
I told him it’s Naan of his business
Edit: he could have replied “papa dumb”
What’s the top streaming service in Russia?
As we were at the top of the Eiffel Tower watching a beautiful sunset, I got down on one knee and said, “Honey?”
She gasped audibly and said, “Yeah?”
I said, “Help! My knee is made of magnets!”
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs
Do you know the top 15 states to live in?
Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, & Maine
Top Dad Jokes list, some of the best ones:
One, ein, un, bat, ekab, moja, wahed, odin, yski
If your in the bottom bunk of a bunk bed and someone's asleep in the top bunk,
Does that mean you're under a rest?
After a long hike to the top of a mountain, my wife asked me, “So what do you think of The View?”
I said, “Whoopi Goldberg is ok, but I don’t like the other women on the show.”
Sad to report the death of the founder of Dulux paint. He died this morning from hypothermia on top of a mountain.
It's been reported he could have done with another coat.
what did the depressed water park attendant think of at the top of a high rise building?
What happens when chickens lay eggs at the top of a hill?
What does a blind woman say when she gets to the top of the Space Needle?
Nothing, cause she can't Seattle.
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was not worth the trip.
Trump's top aides have Coronavirus
It would appear he has a staff infection
Why was the farmer afraid to rescue the cow from on top of the barn?
The steaks were too high.
I put on 30 jackets one on top of the other, someone calls me and asks me to go out, I said I can’t ...
What has a bottom on the top ?
I couldn't make it to the top of the tower in Paris...
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