Does anyone want to buy 15 lions?
The other responds, “no I thought we were just mething around.”
Yesterday, I changed my mind twice and broke out in a sweat.
while holding a block of cheddar like a camera
Hey mom! Say cheese!
She then flashed her silly grin
I mean they have their problems, but I still think that they are a great band!
We were worried a first but her doctor says she should grow out of it.
I know this is probably old but I've waited years to do this...
Went to computer shop to buy a network cable and the assistant (female) asked how long I wanted it....
I want to keep it! I said.
Jeez, if looks could kill, my head would have exploded there and then.
Totally worth it though.. :-)
My sister works with little kids at a camp
Me: So what did you guys do at camp during the storm?
Sister: We watched The Land Before Time
Me: Ah, a timeless classic!
*laying in bed on my phone as my dad is standing at my door.
Dad: "What're you doing"
Me: "Just looking on reddit"
A smile slowly creeps across his face..
Dad: "What did you read" Then proceeds to slap knee and walk away.
At least he's cute..
It even brought home a Sioux veneer.
A SHOE!
It was Layheehoo
Edit: thank you sooo much for so many awards. Made my day.
But thats sooo last year
A BP station
A bone and arrow (Kid loves to play minecraft sooo... yeah)
Me: Oh yeah? What kind of animal?
Her: Hmmm...like a bear.
Me: Sooo I'm a polar bear?
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
Shaqles.
It’s called ABBA-Cadabra.
They shake hands.
So, I don't have a cell phone, I'm a luddite, so I had him take a picture of my tattoo because /u/AlbinoAlex asked for a pic, told the hubby to email it to me. It didn't arrive quickly, so I told him to send it again. I received the email about 4 minutes later and he asked me, "What was the email titled?" I said, "Tat" he then said, "That was the first email then, as the second one I titled "Tat2" ".
SOOO much laughter from both ends. What a Dad joke!!!
Partytang jr (pointing at the Michelin man) "papa who is that?" Me: "that's the Michelin man, he makes tires for cars, trucks, and planes." PTjr: "why?" Me: "so we don't have to walk everywhere." PTjr: "why?" Me: "because then we would be sooo tirrred!" PTjr: "hahaha papa you are as funny as Louie CK" (the last part was paraphrased)
So I've been dating this Jewish girl for a while, (I'm catholic) and the other day we were talking about getting dinner. The conversation went as follows.
Me - "I think we're picking up dinner at mi pueblo"
Her- "I've never been there"
Me- "It's good."
Her- "I'm not the biggest Mexican person though sooo"
Me- "No, you're actually a rather small Jewish person"
Her- "...."
My girlfriend and I decide to watch through every Peter Pan movie made to date one lazy Sunday because we were going to see the play later in the week
Me: Alright babe, one more movie to go and we're done!
Her: Can we please do something else for a bit, we've been watching Peter Pan all day.
Me: Sooo... you're all petered out....?
I'm in the kitchen cooking for new years cutting thyme as this occurred..
Dad: "When did you learn how to cook?"
Me: "Ehh, I have a little extra thyme on my hands"
Dad: "Hmm, sooo that's why you never wear a watch"
I thought I had him stumped... I was wrong. I will forever learn from this man.
Orkin man: have you had any new pest problems since the last visit? Me: nope! Quiet as a mouse! Orkin man: sooo then I should double check..?
The ride is just a 10 minute string of Dad Jokes...
[referring to the head hunter]: "That's Charlie, the head salesman. This month he's offering a 2 for 1 special... you'll come out a head"
[referring to the piranhas in the river]: "Those are man-eating piranhas, so the women and children don't have much to worry about"
Any others? Sooo many....
while holding a block of cheddar like a camera
Hey mom! Say cheese!
She then flashed her silly grin
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