Yea Iβll leave
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jul 26 2020
GOOse. Yea i know its stupid.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jun 04 2020
I wrote yea on one hand and nay on the other.
When I agree, I hold up the yea. I use the nay palm when I want to set things on fire.
π︎ 96
π
︎ Apr 11 2020
Yea, mom!
π︎ 37
π
︎ Jan 16 2020
Yea toilets are okay
But urinals really take the piss
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 24 2020
Yea, they should
π︎ 219
π
︎ Dec 22 2018
Yea boi
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 06 2019
Yea?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 17 2018
My dad was complaining at all the bug guts on the car window. I said β yea, the new windows has lots of bugsβ
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jul 16 2018
Son wakes up and walks into the kitchen. Me "Did you sleep well?" Son "Yea, how did you sleep?"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 23 2019
Hey guys I got one for yea
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 06 2018
"All in favour of a horse president say Yea"
silence
"All who oppose say Nay"
"Horse county has been without a leader forβ¦"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 06 2016
Did you hear about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter?
π︎ 506
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
Yeah, I work out. I do one sit-up every day.
When I get up in the morning, thatβs half. When I lie back down at night, thatβs the other half.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
What did the man say when he got asked out by 10 women in one day?
π︎ 39
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
The best safe word to use during sex is βmeatloafβ
Because it means, βI would do anything for love, but I wonβt do thatβ
π︎ 683
π
︎ Oct 04 2020
This is real lee getting out of hand
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
What did the musician play that landed him in jail?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
So I have this great joke about paper..
But my wife thinks its tear-able
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
This is a joke my dad would make.(When someone said we looked good.)
Yea, they get there looks from there mother, Cause I still got mine.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
Did you know I got fired from the calendar factory ?
π︎ 45
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
"I was looking at memes on reddit" - me
"Reddit?" - my dad
"Yea it's a website" - me
"Nah, that's a noice a frog makes" - my dad
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
What did the priest say to the nun at the salad bar?
Lettuce pray.
*very proud of this joke, wrote it yeas ago and it still makes me laugh every time. π
π︎ 190
π
︎ Jul 12 2020
Do Grandpa Jokes count?
My brother was laying in the grass and got up and asked my grandpa if there was anything on his back.
My grandpa replied βyea, your shirtβ
π︎ 30
π
︎ Jul 06 2020
I guess you could say this cat is... Cathletic:)
π︎ 15
π
︎ Mar 26 2020
What do you call a room full of ravens?
π︎ 268
π
︎ Jan 09 2020
A sheep dog says to the farmer, "I'm going to round up the sheep."
The dog comes back with 50 sheep. The farmers says, "we only have 48 sheep." The dog replies, "Yea, I told you I was going to round them up."
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Sep 10 2019
The fugitive who made off with all that anise and fennel;
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 30 2020
Did you know that Shrek is a furry?
Yea, heβs got fur all ogre him
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 22 2020
A friend of of mine opened a business in South Korea.
Heβs a Seoul proprietor.
π︎ 25
π
︎ May 18 2020
May the Clampetts be with you
π︎ 22
π
︎ Mar 03 2020
Grimey
Grimes: Do you ever notice that X Γ A-12 doesnβt have that distinct baby smell?
Elon: Yea, heβs got a certain musk to him.
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 09 2020
A woman tripped and fell off the balcony and had been cut in half. Still conscious, she was quickly rushed to the hospital...
Manager: what did the doctor say to the womanβs family?
Me: after thinking ...yea Iβm not sure
Manager: βshe was ALL RIGHT.β
Me: oh, I thought you were going to say βThereβs nothing LEFT.β
The manager at work got a kick out of that because that was an answer he has never gotten before lol figured Iβd post it here.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 27 2020
What are you happy to lose the first time, but devastated to lose a second time?
Teeth
Note: I know. Not the usual pun seen in this sub-reddit. More of a dad riddle.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 13 2020
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo
So I had to put my foot down
π︎ 184
π
︎ Jul 21 2019
My daughter wants the new iPhone for her birthday
I told her she will get it if she gets good grades, does her chores or follows the house rules.
Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone because it's either my way or the Huawei.
π︎ 351
π
︎ May 29 2019
You know why the poor man couldn't play a walking bassline?
Because his flat is too small, and so there's no space for it.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 11 2019
There. I seddit
π︎ 43
π
︎ Mar 15 2019
My scrabble tray held the letters to make the word "STRIDES"
I have to be careful playing them though, or it could spell disaster.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 17 2019
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why's there only one?
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 20 2019
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me.
π︎ 51
π
︎ Sep 27 2019
Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a well-balanced meal.
π︎ 519
π
︎ Jun 06 2019
My health conscious date asked me how many liters are there in a glass of coke.
I said 4 liters, 9 if you include the glass.
She said: "What!?"
Me: Yea.
Liter C.
Liter O.
Liter K.
Liter E.
π︎ 107
π
︎ Sep 10 2019
before getting married
before getting married people must sleep without socks a lot
I see a bunch of them getting cold feet
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 07 2020
So today my friend splashed some water on me, and then a car splashed him.
Now thats some good carma
Yea imma head out...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 23 2019
how do you great a skeleton in frans
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 18 2019
Me at the bookstore: Do you have any books on turtles?
Cashier: Hard back?
Me: yea, with little heads.
π︎ 93
π
︎ Oct 30 2019
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