Yep Puns

-Why do you want a Ford?

-Because its af-Ford-able!

Sheepdog: Hey, I rounded them up!

Yep, I was an iWitness

But have you heard of Cole's Law?

My wife: Who did?

Me: Yep.

Yep. They've found that it runs in your jeans.

Soon It’ll just be water under the fridge.

Yep, he's invested in bonds.

Also: don't pet the sweaty things

A guy sees a sign in front of a house:

"Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"

The owner replies, "'Cause he's fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

This actually just happened!!!

I was driving my 14yo home, and I was complaining because I recently hurt my shoulder.

Me: Ow, my shoulder is trash

Him: Maybe you'll have to amputate your arm

Me: That wouldn't help because I'd still have a stump to waive around. They'd have to amputate it at the shoulder.

Him: They wouldn't really do that, would they?

Me: Yep

Him: Baloney

Me: No, that would be down here and pointed to my shin

Then he started crying :-) I can die happy now!!!

Because there isn't a single person in the room

And before my younger brother.

Customer: I asked for 7 bees but you’ve given me 8?

Pet shop owner: yep, that’s a freebie :)

I said maybe-

"Yep, I watched it all unfold."

1

Because they dont have windows.

Yep. It's our bison-tennial.

Yep. It's called pasture-ized milk.

The first time he set a building on fire, I turned to my wife and said, "yep, that's arson."

The performer notices they have a rather poor view, so stands on a large box, asking 'Can you see me better now?' They reply:

'Yes' 'Oui' 'Si' 'Ja'

“Yep, that’s all she wrote!”

So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!

Got my teen son with this one today.

Son: Dad, you shaved your hair.

Me: Yep, we’re Opposites.

Son: (puzzled look)

Me: I’m bald...You have long hair

I’m old... You’re young

I’m big...You’re small

I’m incredibly handsome...(son eye roll);

short pause...You’re incredibly footsome.

Son: (stomps out of the room)

She says, "When Dr. Fauci falls down he goes ouchey." Yep. Down votes expected

Harold.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to Ikea.

Dad: "After you were born, while we were taking you home, a leaf landed on your head."

"Is that why my sister is named Rose?"

"Yep."

"Blarghgghrblaeeeurp"

"Shut up brick"

It was incredibull.