-Why do you want a Ford?
-Because its af-Ford-able!
Sheepdog: Hey, I rounded them up!
Sven went up to the barn and said "Ole, I see da sign in your yard. All you have is a tractor and a combine". Ole said "Yep, and der boat for sale!"
Now a slice of pie in the United States will set you back $5
But in the Bahamas and Aruba you can buy that same slice of pie for just $1
Yep. Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
He was missing his monk-keys.
Yep. I found a for-Leif clover!
opens the jar
Yep! I sure can!
closes it back and hands it back
My daughter again " ..... "
Yep. Apparently it's purple.
They're only ammeters.
Yep, I was an iWitness
Yep, and the rest of the week too!
Some of it's pretty mortyfying
Yep, my belly dunlaps over my belt.
My wife: Who did?
Me: Yep.
But have you heard of Cole's Law?
A Catillac.
Yep, pretty ridiculous. π
Soon Itβll just be water under the fridge.
The friend says "hey, is he yours?"
The guy replies "yep, kept him after I found him alone by the lake. He can't communicate with any of the other birds."
His friend looked confused. "Is he mute?"
"No. I think he speaks porch geese."
Yep. They've found that it runs in your jeans.
Yep, he's invested in bonds.
Also: don't pet the sweaty things
A guy sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"
The owner replies, "'Cause he's fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."
This actually just happened!!!
I was driving my 14yo home, and I was complaining because I recently hurt my shoulder.
Me: Ow, my shoulder is trash
Him: Maybe you'll have to amputate your arm
Me: That wouldn't help because I'd still have a stump to waive around. They'd have to amputate it at the shoulder.
Him: They wouldn't really do that, would they?
Me: Yep
Him: Baloney
Me: No, that would be down here and pointed to my shin
Then he started crying :-) I can die happy now!!!
Because there isn't a single person in the room
And before my younger brother.
Customer: I asked for 7 bees but youβve given me 8?
Pet shop owner: yep, thatβs a freebie :)
I said maybe-
Yep. It's our bison-tennial.
The first time he set a building on fire, I turned to my wife and said, "yep, that's arson."
"Yep, I watched it all unfold."
1
Because they dont have windows.
The performer notices they have a rather poor view, so stands on a large box, asking 'Can you see me better now?' They reply:
'Yes' 'Oui' 'Si' 'Ja'
