When it comes to picking your hair style, it's best not to make waves.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.
I'm an expert at picking leaves and heating them in water.
My new Christmas jumper kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back to the shop
And exchanged it for a new one free of charge
So a guy went apple-picking in the dead of winter
It was a fruitless effort
Kids, don’t drop out of school. Instead try lock picking
It’s opened so many doors for me
Why was the cashier not surprised when the grocery store owner was picking his nose?
He’s done grocer things in the past.
My therapist just told me I have extreme difficulty in picking up social cues.
I think she is in love with me.
What does Matthew McConaughey say when he's picking fruit?
All ripe, all ripe, all ripe.
I spent all week picking herbs in my garden.
I had a lot of thyme on my hands.
So we were picking out ski goggles for my grandfather
And he couldn’t pick them and he said “I’m going to sleep on it.” And with no hesitation I said “don’t do that! You’ll break the lense!” I don’t even know how I had that reflex, because I’m not a dad…
It’s tough picking out the perfect pumpkin
I was picking my nose and thought I found a booger....
I was at the store with my wife picking out a turkey and she seemed unimpressed by the size. She asked "do they get any bigger?"
I looked her in the eyes and replied "no honey, they're dead."
What's a what's a nose picking food connoisseur's favorite fast food snack?
The lock picking soldier
A woman is driving to the shops, She stops, gets out of her car, and goes to buy a newspaper.
When she gets back to her car, she realises that she has locked herself out of the car, and the keys are still inside !
She was just starting to panic, when an army truck pulls up, and asks her is she has a problem. She explains that she's locked her keys inside, and can't get in to continue her journey.
One of the soldiers then jumps down from the truck, and start rubbing his leg against the side of the car, and after a few seconds - ping - the door is open !!
She is amazed at this, and asks the squaddie how he did it.
He said,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"It's because I'm wearing my khaki trousers"
I was picking vegetables in the garden this morning and forgot I stuck some in my pocket.
Going upstairs I reached for my phone and realized, I accidentally pea-ed my pants.
Why is picking vegetables a good job?
It comes with a great celery
My wife saw an ant picking up a leaf 5 times its body weight, and told me, “Can you imagine being that strong?”
So I picked up the leaf and said, “Yes.”
I wish my family wouldn't make such a big deal over not picking up dropped ice cubes.
It's just water under the fridge.
You know what they say about picking the right species of Christmas Tree?
It's a huge Pine in the Ash
Why are Canadians so good at picking out shoes?
They know what it's all a-boot. Eh.
While picking up a turkey for this Thanksgiving, I overheard this gem.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they’re dead."
The sweater my kids gave me last Christmas kept picking up static electricity…
So I took it back to the store and exchanged it for another one…free of charge.
Picking up my friend for work...he messaged me sayin he'd be right out, he was fixin' coffee...
So i asked "how'd it break?"
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
Coming home from apple picking this morning, my wife saw a sign from a Jewelry store that read, "Watches 20% off."
Wife, "Wow, watches 20% off. That's not a bad deal."
Me, "Ehh, I'd rather they tell the correct time."
My step-father just told me this after picking peppers from his garden:
"You should put these in your tea. Then it would be HOT tea."
I need a pun about picking up trash/ cleaning the ocean. Any help would be greatly appreciated! :)
My wife was upset with me last night for kicking ice cubes under the appliances instead of picking them up...
...but this morning it’s just water under the fridge
Picking my cousin up from work at Target, asked her if she's in Style this week (fitting room/clothing)
Her dad said "she's never in style, she's always out of style. Her clothes never look good"!
My wife was picking feathers off my sweater...
and turns to me and asked, "have you been cheating on me with a bird?"
So I look at her right in the eye and said, "I swear... It was just a peck on the cheek."
She almost kicked me out of the house.
Starting your own garden is easy, but picking all of the vegetables?
I was having trouble picking up my spare tire.
So I removed 30 lbs of air and I still can't lift it.
An aspiring beekeeper went to a farmer’s market to pick up a small hive. They placed an order for a dozen bees. When picking up the bees, the seller handed them a case of thirteen bees. Noticing the extra bee, the keeper pointed it out to the seller.
The seller said, “Oh, that last one is a freebee!”
When picking up the coffee you ordered at Starbucks, always be appreciative and polite.
Be sure to say, "Thanks, a latte!"
A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
The sweater I got for Christmas was picking up static electricity. So I went to the store to return it.
They gave me another one. Free of charge.
I once bought a sweater that was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
A sweater I bought was picking up so much static electricity that I had to return it to the store.
They have me another one, free of charge.
A jumper I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the shop.
They gave me a replacement....free of charge
I got a new sweater for Christmas, but it was picking up too much static electricity
I returned it for a new one, free of charge
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.
The sweater I bought recently kept picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store
They gave me another one, free of charge
I got a new sweater that kept picking up static electricity.
So I took it back and exchanged it for another—free of charge.
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