I’ve recently discovered I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers.
You make the world a happier place! 🤩
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
More and more people are taking up horse breading as a profession
Apparently it's a very stable career choice.
What did the Mandalorian bodybuilder say when he was accused of taking steroids?
The public pool sector must be taking a real dive right now
My friend is making a lot of easy money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
What did Captain America say to his wife after taking Viagra?
"I can keep this up all night"
At the hospital they’re taking virus cases on a ‘first catch’ basis...
It’s in a corona-logical order.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
Taking the shell off a snail wouldn't make it faster...
... It would make it more sluggish
I love taking pictures of my son, so much most people call me
his personal 'Papa'razzi.
I was wondering what's taking them so long to count all the votes in Nevada
But I realized it's because their work is Neva Dan
This election is taking a while.
I guess the people in Nevada are really Biden their time.
I can't stop taking money out of every cash machine I walk past...
Doctor has diagnosed I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms.
What do you call a rival in picture taking?
I read a book about limbs taking over the world
Ive been reading this book called “The A to Z of Northern Europe”, but it’s taking me ages...
Not sure I’ll ever get to the Finish
This is the first year I'm not taking a vacation to Hawaii due to Covid.
Normally I don't go because I can't afford it.
The doctor was taking a while so he said: Sorry for the wait
I respond: no problem I’m patient
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
i started taking lessons on rock climbing
Hopefully soon i get the hang of it.
Did you notice that people started taking the looters & rioters seriously once New York was hit?
Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.
My twin sister always takes the stairs, but I prefer taking the elevator.
I guess.... we are raised differently.
I got arrested for taking a video while cutting down trees
Now facing charges for illegal vlogging.
probably a Ford siesta because i like napping while taking a drive
A buddy of mine likes taking pictures of salmon in clothes
He says he likes shooting fish in apparel
Turns out that Lance Armstrong was not only taking drugs...
I heard about a politician who was caught taking bribes from a jean company.
He’s in the pocket of big pants.
Son: You're taking all the oysters!
Dad: Sorry, im being shellfish.
My publicist spent today taking photos of me deep within a dark cavern.
She assured me the photos would receive high exposure.
I was taking a walk this morning and this shrubbery came out of nowhere!
I thought that taking the shell off of my racing snail would save weight and make it more streamlined so it would be faster....
But it just made it more sluggish......
My grandpa, after taking viagra
Thought long and hard about it
Does anyone know if we can start taking showers yet?
Or are we still just washing our hands?
I was planing on taking a shower at my hotel today...
...but apparently they bolt those things to the wall.
Just got my new keyboard. Looks like the keys are taking things quite literally.
Are you taking people's temperature at your son's party?
Only if your dances moves are hot
A couple of weeks ago my dad was taking us on a camping trip preceeded by a two hour drive, so a minute before we were going to leave the house he sat me and my brother down and told us:
Speak now or forever hold your pee
Detective Holmes: "Watson, what's taking so long in there?"
Watson (constipated): "No shit, Sherlock."
I started taking our taco ingredients to make nachos on my plate when my kids started yelling "BUT IT'S TACO TUESDAY!"
To which I replied "This is nacho average Taco Tuesday"
While taking a tour of a college campus, the tour guide mentioned that the school was surrounded by three different cemeteries.
Tour guide: And did you know that if you live across from a cemetery, you can’t be buried there?
Me: What?? Why not?
Tour guide: Because you’re still alive!
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family photo.
(credit: @willieilish_)
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
My friend is getting rich by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
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