Ah yes medical pun (putting the actual joke in the title would kinda ruin it all ngl)
I was putting a fork in an electric outlet.
What happened next, shocked me!
My wife started making art by putting paint on her wheels and driving them all over the canvas.
not to brag, but they all look like van Gogh's
My wife saw me almost catch myself on fire, after putting gas on a campfire.
She yelled “What are you, retardant!?”
Every time we go to the putting green, my friend has to bring along a bag of Pringles to munch on...
He always wants to practice his chipping.
Putting "I" before "E" is weird...
The whole concept is foreign to me.
I’m putting our vacuum cleaner up for sale
It’s just collecting dust.
I'm putting together a book of tried and true recipes, none of which will include thyme as an ingredient.
>!I've decided the title is going to be 'Thymeless Classics'!<.
Wife: Babe you keep putting the remote in random places...
Me: Correction, I keep putting the remote in "remote" places. That's where it belongs right?
I got a eye roll and a sigh, score.
I was wondering if I should go to work today, and then I saw some guys putting up a giant rectangle along the highway.
My brother sees me near our tent, putting his E-reader on a pile of sticks.
He yells: "What the hell are you doing, Some_Dumb_Dude?!"
I say: "What's with the tone? You have to use Kindle to make a fire, Right?
'Ba dum tss'
He just sighs. "I hate you."
First time my dad took me to church I noticed there was a lady disrobing dolls and putting the clothes on a small cross. I asked my dad what she was doing.
He said "Oh that's just a cross dresser..."
I was having problems with the printer at work last week and I had to ring the engineer. I told him that I kept putting paper in to the printer but the display kept saying it just can't get enough...
The engineer said "ah yes.... it's stuck in Depeche Mode"....
I wanted to be more healthy so tried putting oat milk in my tea.
I heard the government was putting chips inside of people.
Well mine better be sour cream and onion
My 3 yr old just cracked me up with this joke as I was putting him to bed
Why did the tree moo?
Because there was a cow stuck in it!
I just finished Grosse Pointe Blank and now I’m putting on Good Will Hunting.
I'm trying to convince my friend that being a fraudster isn't for him. I went over to his house the other day and he was putting canned meat in envelopes.
Apparently he was sending a bunch of Spam Mail.
I bought a massive Christmas tree at the weekend. The guy in the store asked "Are you planning on putting it up yourself?"
I said "Nah, I'll probably just put it up in the living room"
We are putting away our unused Christmas gift wrap materials, and my son casually comments
“They’re going to be napping papers”
Putting a breath freshener behind bars is...
What's the occupation that has the most likely hood of putting people in the hospital?
I saw a linguist about my problem with putting periods where. they don’t belong in sentences
I suffer from premature punctuatio!n
People keep telling me to stop putting up walls
Did you hear about the Norwegian barcodes they are putting on ships
They put them there so they can scanthenavyin
You can easily know ant’s gender by putting them on the water
If it sinks, girl ant, if it floats, buoyant.
I don’t know why I have such a hard time putting on a scarf.
I just can’t wrap my head around it.
Daughter: Nice tree, dad! Are you putting up yourself?
Dad: No I'm putting up in the living room.
Mom, now you're putting words into my mouth
They finally caught the guy who's been putting hot sauce in beer mugs
His name: Dr. Frank's-in-stein.
I was redoing the fence the other day, pulling all the 4x4s out and putting new ones in...
Sorry, just realized this was a repost.
My daughter keeps putting my golf visors on all of her stuffed animals
She told me they call her the queen advisor
I was putting the outlet cover back on the wall while my wife was working at the computer with her back to me...
She said “what are you doing? What is that noise?”
I said “I’ve been screwing around behind your back.”
She whipped around in shock and saw me, screwdriver in hand, screwing in the outlet cover.
I found it way more entertaining then she did.
I really want to buy one of the grocery checkout dividers but the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back
I hear the givernment is putting chips in people.
What did my dad say to me when I was putting up my new shelves?
"Watch out for yourshelf."
My daughter, Eliza, kept asking me to use my 3D printer to make monogrammed chairs for her dolls. Last Sunday I printed over 100 of them. She was so happy. She started putting them on everything for decoration.
We had a Sunday, everything with a chair E on top.
I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection.
Of course she denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
Putting a seed in your body may sound disgusting at first,
I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts
Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think
I'm putting an addition on my roof.
It's a little room where I can sit and watch movies like The Godfather and Apocalypse Now.
It's a Francis Ford Cupola.
I used to organize my change by putting each coin into their respective cage, but someone stole all the nickles!
Now I have a nickleless cage...
Putting up the wrong headstone is a grave mistake
Epitaphs never written:
I never thought I'd live to see this day come
Here lies a great photographer, he died from overexposure
She wrote a best selling book
- Paige Turner
Here lies Claire Voyant
She never saw it coming...
My wife thinks she's funny by putting Frozen yogurt in the freezer for my home packed lunches.
My mum was putting away a container of raspberries and remarked that is was leaking
I said "Maybe you should put it in the vegetable drawer"
I was putting a fork in an electric outlet. What happened next, shocked me!
I think my wife is secretly putting glue on my antique weapon collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
You can tell an ant's gender by putting it in water
If it sinks, girl ant and if it floats, buoyant
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