I met a girl on tinder whose bio said she used to work at a meat packing plant and that she'd heard all the jokes before...
So I asked her out on a date for the weekend but to let me know by Friday if she had to can salami.
(Cancel on me)
Brining pickles makes them last much longer than fresh cucumbers, but packing them in air-tight containers…
That's what really seals the dill.
I used to upholster furniture for a living and hated it. My boss switched me to packing for a while then switched me back. I hate it so bad I have to go to a support group. Talking helps me to do the damned job.
That's it guy's, I'm packing up and moving to Jeopardy
I'm not to sure where it is either but the news keeps saying there's good jobs there
Got the girlfriend after packing away the groceries.
GF: Don't you want to go check why the pantry door isn't closing.
Me: Wander over to the pantry, look inside, and spot the culprit immediately.
GF: So what was the problem?
Me: Slowly take the tin of jam out, and while grinning like an idiot, I look at her and say: Looks like the door had been jammed.
GF: Sighs and rolls her eyes.
PRO TIP: The biggest myth about travel is "packing light" - don't bother! Light is available from the sun and artificial sources worldwide.
I got my girlfriend duct tape and packing tape
I've heard mixtapes are romantic
We were packing to move this weekend...
And we were using Seran Wrap to keep like things together.
Wife: this seran wrap rocks! So much easier than tape
Me: Wong music genre, they don't rock, they rap.
found this old classic while i was packing to move, the memories and nostalgia hit me like a Flood.
imgur.com/9FlTV9c
Packing our Dodge Caravan with luggage for our vacation is truly an art.
I always step back and admire my Mini Van Goh.
My wife was packing for a trip when I got her
She was picking what she wanted to wear on the plane and kept putting it in to the "plane pile". I assured her that those clothes aren't plain and she will look great in them.
When packing for her trip to Costa Rica...
Girlfriend: what am I going to do with all of these pens?
Me: Put them in the penitentiary!
Groans
My sister about packing clothes for a flight
Her: I'm not sure if I'll manage to stay under 10kg, I think I'll just bring all my light shirts.
Me: That's OK, but they can be dark too.
While packing a suitcase
"And I'll need a few shirts."
"You'll only need two shirts max."
"But I'm not Max, I'm Tom!"
Farting in a packed elevator...
It's wrong on so many levels.
What do you call a snowman with a 6 pack?
What do you call it when you hit a rude teenager with a pack of cracker?
Assaulting a salty teen with saltines
My dad just told me this one- hope you guys liked it 💖
A true story: My boyfriend and I were in the dairy aisle of the grocery store. He tosses a pack of sliced cheese into the cart it ricochets and falls to the floor. “Kobe!” I shout. “No.” He says in a disappointed tone...
For my birthday in mid-January, I invited a few friends over to a highly populated urban residential area consisting mostly of closely packed, decrepit housing units inhabited primarily by impoverished persons.
It's my first slum-brrrr party so wish us luck!
I packed my tent but there was a mistake
Have you ever used an ice pack for a headache?
You should try it. It's a mind numbing experience.
My wife said, “You really have no sense of direction, do you?”
I said, “Where did that come from?”
Edit: Thanks for the love. I’m right speechless.
Why did the room packed with married people seem empty?
Because there wasn’t a single person there
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken...
What do you call peanuts with guns?
Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.
He’s my spirit guide.
Edit: Thanks guys.
Husband: Honey! Pack your bags, I just won the lottery...
Wife: That’s wonderful, honey! Where are we going?
Husband: “We’re” not going anywhere.
I’m going to pick up a pack of smokes
I pack a soda in my bag everyday but it HAS to be on top.
Wouldn’t want it to get flat.
I have an irrational fear of being in a small room, packed with Germans.
I told my doctor and he said I have Klaustrophobia.
I can't tell dad jokes
Because he's not here. I'll tell him when he's back though.
Edit: Thank u for the award kind stranger. :D
I bought a giant pack of mentos and I kept it.
I guess you could say it’s now a memento!
Why did Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde hate going on vacation?
Because they had to pack, man.
What do you call a dinosaur who is easy to clean, heat resistant and long lasting?
py-rex
I'll get my coat...
I just found an old pack of gum in my car.
What does the Pope say when he wants to bless a pack of cigarettes?
My wife said she is tires of me crossdressing all the time
So I packed up her clothes and left.
Six Pack - TomMakesComics
I once knew a hoarder who kept a drawer packed full of matted and tangled hair.
Did you hear about the first Neanderthal to get an 8-pack?
I guess you could say he’s ab-original.
What if I lifted a pack of Coca-Cola over my head for twenty minutes a day every day?
That would be soda pressing.
Why didn't the photon pack a suitcase?
My wife is really upset that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
I got really upset when my wife told me that I had no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction,
So I packed up my stuff and right!
My wife was mad I had a bad sense of direction...
...so I packed up and right!
My wife is really mad because I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
My wife is mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right
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