If you're riding an elephant, you should wear a backpack

You can't put your stuff in the trunk.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Malcolm_Y
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A police officer stops a guy carrying a backpack on suspicion of terrorism.

The police officer asks him to let him check his backpack.

The guy obliges.

In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.

"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"

"But why?" the guy protests.

"You have been caught carrying weapons of math instruction!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a regular backpack in a skydiver’s plane?

A perish-ute

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a male cow wearing a pink shirt, orange shorts, and a purple backpack?

Adorable

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was one backpack cooler than the other backpack?

Because it was mo-chilla

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lboogie19
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid said "I left my backpack in the STUPID car!

I replied "don't call the car stupid! It passed it's emissions test!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shortbusaz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my backpack...

You can hide but you can't run.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jack_Forrest
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?

Schooliosis !

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gan2004
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife to pack my stuff in a suitcase for business trip. But she packed in my backpack instead

She said it's the same and easier. Well yes but that's not the case

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sabyte
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I just took off my backpack after my very last college final.

Boy, was that a weight off my shoulders.

Edit: I actually am finally about to graduate, so I’m happy even if you don’t like my joke!

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zachpledger
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
This backpack is high koalaty imgur.com/f7G2gDL
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djeclipz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad and I saw this girl with a colorful backpack covered in pot leaves

He turned to me and said "thats a dope backpack". He is catching onto my slang.

πŸ‘︎ 263
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/13zamanis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Who knew Osprey would hide puns in their backpacks? imgur.com/kdH4mR5
πŸ‘︎ 103
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2013
🚨︎ report
I have a backpack that lets me drink water while I hike. I've been debating returning it, but decided to give it another go. Yesterday I put a new straw in it, and now the straw is completely stuck and the backpack is unusable. I'm definitely returning it now.

It was the straw that broke the CamelBak.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OPs_Mom_and_Dad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Trying to get advice on a new backpack from my dad

Dad how many Litres was your backpack again?

~

It was very bad at holding Litres.

Leaked like anything.

Probably about 20 if you poured it in fast.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WildContinuity
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2014
🚨︎ report
A man is sitting in the hospital with his newborn baby when his own father walks in.

Father: "So, how does it feel being a dad?"

Son: "It feels good. I'm a bit scared of course, but so excited at the same time. How does it feel being a grandfather?"

Father: "It feels pretty great. You've always been a good son and I've been patiently waiting for this special moment. There's something now that I have to give you."

The son watches curiously as his father pulls a large tome out of his backpack with exquisite text on the cover: 'The Big Book of Dad Jokes'.

Father: " For generations these sacred texts have been passed down through the patriarchs of our family. My father gave it to me when you were born and now, as a new father yourself, I bestow it to you. With this book you will have all the knowledge needed to become a truly great Dad."

Son: " Wow, Dad, this is amazing! Truly! I'm... I'm honored."

The father smiles as he extends his arm out to shake his son's hand and says,

"Nice to meet you, Honored. I'm Dad."

πŸ‘︎ 218
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to believe my son when he said he was not stealing arcs from his geometry class...

But upon checking his backpack, all the sines were there.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I needed to be cautious while backpacking across the country

It was hostel territory

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?

I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Photog77
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend is really mad at me because I have no sense of direction

So I grabbed my backpack and right

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What's da matta?

Me: I got your backpack ready, did you grab some da matta?

Daughter: what's da matta?

Me: nothing, what's the matter with you?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
There was once a priest who went to see the world after taking his oath....

After many years of wandering, he finally arrived in a small village in the middle of nowhere. The people there believed in the same religion as he did, but they had no church; they had to go to the nearest one which was in a small town 25 km's from there. The priest took the initiative, asked the Church for support, and with the help of the local men they built their own temple. From there on, he was celebrating the Sunday masses, joining together men and women in Holy Matrimony, and saying prayers at the funerals.

Many years passed by like that.

At the end of an ordinary mass, in early spring, on a chilly Sunday morning he was just guiding the people out of the church, was about to close the gates when an unknown man stepped into the churchyard.

With his dirty and torn clothes, he stood before the priest and said:

  • Priest, please be good and give me half a lemon! - the priest was a good man, and even though he thought the request was a bit strange, he went back to the rectory,
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Doty152
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Random stranger cold blooded floored me

My girlfriend and I were walking with her carrying a backpack and I was holding a bag of ice on each shoulder.

Random woman walks by and just looks at both of us and goes "she's really giving you the cold shoulder"

I was just floored. I never saw her before and I've never seen her again but I really hope things are working out for her.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2016
🚨︎ report
I'm a dad and I was paying for my groceries when...

a university student was packing her overflowing backpack with her own purchases. She got everything in, except for a baguette and a bunch of leeks, the latter sticking out of her pack through an opening in the zipper.

I just couldn't help myself.

"Your backpack is leaking".

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shnoopie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2014
🚨︎ report
Found out last night that my 7 year old son is a dad

On our last day of a three day trip at Disneyland, my 7 year old revealed his inner father to my wife.

>wife: This backpack is good but could use more shoulder padding.

Son, with a shit eatin' grin, walks up and pats her on the shoulders.

I have never been so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jessesc123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad-joked my girlfriend on campus today.

We were walking from the library and I had a travel coffee mug but the little bit of coffee left had gone cold. I dumped the remainder in the grass so I could put it in my backpack.

GF: "Don't dump your coffee in the grass!!"

Me: "It's okay, it's ground coffee" The look on her face...

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
🚨︎ report
He didn't bi it

Male friend of mine, [Elton], is bi, told me about a crush he had on a guy he'd met through wilderness backpacking (relevant), and how he doesn't think he has a chance. Having no other information and an IT guy's policy of checking the obvious things first, I asked the dumb questions, via text.

>Me: So you're sure he's into guys
>Elton: Y E S
>Me: Okay, okay, just getting that straight
>Elton: A N G E R Y
>Me: But yeah, given everything else you've told me, I think you've got a chance
Me: Presuming he also knows the lay of the land
Elton: N O
Elton: S T A H P

I don't know why he keeps coming to me for relationship advice.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
A fellow dad got some sunblock in his eye

While backpacking. He said "it's burning my eye". I said "well, that's ironic".

He says, "very eye-ronic".

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kirillsimin
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2016
🚨︎ report
I got my dad...

Dad and I were shopping for backpacks, he found a bag with like 6 handles, he asked if I wanted it. I responded: "I think can handle it".

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WorstGabeNA
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2016
🚨︎ report
The dad joke I got from security going through the airport in Milwaukee.

I had a bag of cheese in my backpack:

Security (training a new guy): Do you have anything sharp in your bag before he reaches in?

Me: nope, it's just some cheese in there.

Security: Don't believe her, she's a liar. This cheese is clearly labeled a SHARP cheddar.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MadtownMaven
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2016
🚨︎ report
I made my first dad joke!

I made a dad joke the other day, probably not an original but I came up with it on the spot and I am proud enough that I felt the internet had to know!

Setting: a backpacker hostel in New Zealand. A couple are talking about a time when some farmers set sheep loose in the Louvre in France as a protest.

The set up: the girl says 'and a pony walked into a police station on its own once too'

To which I turned around and replied: 'I heard about that, he was trying to report a crime but couldn't get his point across because he was a little hoarse'

Which resulted in a blank stare from the French girl and uproarous laughter followed by a somber head shake from the Scottish guy.

Putting that one in the bank for when I have kids.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MortAng
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
🚨︎ report
Got Dadjoked So Hard...

Happened on the way back from four wheeling.

Me: Next time I go to the beach I'm going to bring my Camelbak (water backpack), so I can have lots of water.

Dad: Did you leave him there?

Me: Huh?

Dad: The camel. You said you were going to bring him back! did you leave him there?!

I couldn't help but laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/austin_18
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2014
🚨︎ report
Helped my Dad dad-joke my sister

(She recently started track in school)

Sis: Is it okay if I leave something from my backpack in your car?

Dad: Yeah why wouldn't it be?

Sis: Well it's my sports bra.

Dad: Oh don't worry. You have a meet today and I was planning on wearing it--

Me: --To help support.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/craycraycraig
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.