You can't put your stuff in the trunk.
The police officer asks him to let him check his backpack.
The guy obliges.
In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.
"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"
"But why?" the guy protests.
"You have been caught carrying weapons of math instruction!"
Because it was mo-chilla
I replied "don't call the car stupid! It passed it's emissions test!!!"
You can hide but you can't run.
She said it's the same and easier. Well yes but that's not the case
Boy, was that a weight off my shoulders.
Edit: I actually am finally about to graduate, so I’m happy even if you don’t like my joke!
He turned to me and said "thats a dope backpack". He is catching onto my slang.
It was the straw that broke the CamelBak.
Dad how many Litres was your backpack again?
It was very bad at holding Litres.
Leaked like anything.
Probably about 20 if you poured it in fast.
Father: "So, how does it feel being a dad?"
Son: "It feels good. I'm a bit scared of course, but so excited at the same time. How does it feel being a grandfather?"
Father: "It feels pretty great. You've always been a good son and I've been patiently waiting for this special moment. There's something now that I have to give you."
The son watches curiously as his father pulls a large tome out of his backpack with exquisite text on the cover: 'The Big Book of Dad Jokes'.
Father: " For generations these sacred texts have been passed down through the patriarchs of our family. My father gave it to me when you were born and now, as a new father yourself, I bestow it to you. With this book you will have all the knowledge needed to become a truly great Dad."
Son: " Wow, Dad, this is amazing! Truly! I'm... I'm honored."
The father smiles as he extends his arm out to shake his son's hand and says,
"Nice to meet you, Honored. I'm Dad."
But upon checking his backpack, all the sines were there.
It was hostel territory
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.
So I grabbed my backpack and right
Me: I got your backpack ready, did you grab some da matta?
Daughter: what's da matta?
Me: nothing, what's the matter with you?
After many years of wandering, he finally arrived in a small village in the middle of nowhere. The people there believed in the same religion as he did, but they had no church; they had to go to the nearest one which was in a small town 25 km's from there. The priest took the initiative, asked the Church for support, and with the help of the local men they built their own temple. From there on, he was celebrating the Sunday masses, joining together men and women in Holy Matrimony, and saying prayers at the funerals.
Many years passed by like that.
At the end of an ordinary mass, in early spring, on a chilly Sunday morning he was just guiding the people out of the church, was about to close the gates when an unknown man stepped into the churchyard.
With his dirty and torn clothes, he stood before the priest and said:
My girlfriend and I were walking with her carrying a backpack and I was holding a bag of ice on each shoulder.
Random woman walks by and just looks at both of us and goes "she's really giving you the cold shoulder"
I was just floored. I never saw her before and I've never seen her again but I really hope things are working out for her.
a university student was packing her overflowing backpack with her own purchases. She got everything in, except for a baguette and a bunch of leeks, the latter sticking out of her pack through an opening in the zipper.
I just couldn't help myself.
"Your backpack is leaking".
On our last day of a three day trip at Disneyland, my 7 year old revealed his inner father to my wife.
>wife: This backpack is good but could use more shoulder padding.
Son, with a shit eatin' grin, walks up and pats her on the shoulders.
I have never been so proud.
We were walking from the library and I had a travel coffee mug but the little bit of coffee left had gone cold. I dumped the remainder in the grass so I could put it in my backpack.
GF: "Don't dump your coffee in the grass!!"
Me: "It's okay, it's ground coffee" The look on her face...
Male friend of mine, [Elton], is bi, told me about a crush he had on a guy he'd met through wilderness backpacking (relevant), and how he doesn't think he has a chance. Having no other information and an IT guy's policy of checking the obvious things first, I asked the dumb questions, via text.
>Me: So you're sure he's into guys
>Elton: Y E S
>Me: Okay, okay, just getting that straight
>Elton: A N G E R Y
>Me: But yeah, given everything else you've told me, I think you've got a chance
Me: Presuming he also knows the lay of the land
Elton: N O
Elton: S T A H P
I don't know why he keeps coming to me for relationship advice.
While backpacking. He said "it's burning my eye". I said "well, that's ironic".
He says, "very eye-ronic".
Dad and I were shopping for backpacks, he found a bag with like 6 handles, he asked if I wanted it. I responded: "I think can handle it".
I had a bag of cheese in my backpack:
Security (training a new guy): Do you have anything sharp in your bag before he reaches in?
Me: nope, it's just some cheese in there.
Security: Don't believe her, she's a liar. This cheese is clearly labeled a SHARP cheddar.
I made a dad joke the other day, probably not an original but I came up with it on the spot and I am proud enough that I felt the internet had to know!
Setting: a backpacker hostel in New Zealand. A couple are talking about a time when some farmers set sheep loose in the Louvre in France as a protest.
The set up: the girl says 'and a pony walked into a police station on its own once too'
To which I turned around and replied: 'I heard about that, he was trying to report a crime but couldn't get his point across because he was a little hoarse'
Which resulted in a blank stare from the French girl and uproarous laughter followed by a somber head shake from the Scottish guy.
Putting that one in the bank for when I have kids.
Happened on the way back from four wheeling.
Me: Next time I go to the beach I'm going to bring my Camelbak (water backpack), so I can have lots of water.
Dad: Did you leave him there?
Dad: The camel. You said you were going to bring him back! did you leave him there?!
I couldn't help but laugh.
(She recently started track in school)
Sis: Is it okay if I leave something from my backpack in your car?
Dad: Yeah why wouldn't it be?
Sis: Well it's my sports bra.
Dad: Oh don't worry. You have a meet today and I was planning on wearing it--
Me: --To help support.