Nose Picking Puns

Pikachu.

“No son, it was snot.”

When I was a kid, any time my dad saw me picking my nose, he would say:

"Hey, is that a diamond in your nose?"

Me: "What? No."

Him: "Oh IT'SNOT?? ***IT'S SNOT???***"

After the first couple times, I stopped responding. The worst part is that he eventually stopped caring whether I humored him or not and would just jump right into the punchline.

"Is that a diamond in your nose? OH, IT'S SNOT??" And then he would just laugh hysterically, and say it again while he was recovering from his laughing fit. "IT'S SNOT?!?!?" He'd probably say it 5 or 6 times while increasingly losing his shit each time until his words were just incoherent. I used to think he was laughing at the joke itself, but now I'm pretty sure that the more straight/annoyed my face was, the funnier the whole bit was for him, which explains why he would laugh harder and harder as he went on with it. Then he'd finish with one of those high pitched 'laugh-ending' sighs and wipe his eyes. God it was obnoxious.

I can't wait until I'm a dad and I get to use it.

Ham boogers.

I know. I know...

Snot funny

Ham boogers.

I know, I know, snot funny.

-Edit- Thanks for the awards guys! First silver! :-D

Or i'll catch you red-handed

I was born with mine

Because they already have one

I told him “no, I was born with it”

I always have had the one I was born with!

It would be a bad hobbit

I didn’t, I was born with it!

Hamboogers.

I thought it was a booger, but it's snot.

Because they’re full of BOOgers

I was going to say, you could've picked a better one.

He got caught picking his nose!

I said "What the heck are you doing?"

She said "I'm picking your nose!"

"I thought it was a booger, but it's snot."

I never understood the joke until I was older, and now I think it is hilarious!

Because it's the scenter

I will call it “Pick Your Nose”

I smirked and replied, "Because it's the scenter."

Me: so what's your favourite food? Carrots? Chocolate? Custard?

2 year old: nose

Me: out of all the food you'd pick your nose?

Toddler: grins

Me: groans

It was so bad I knew I had to post it here.

She picked her nose.

Tangerine focus... Isn't that the same as orange concentrate?

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a bo

Hambooger

Ham Boogers

Ham boogers

Ham boogers

Ham-boogers!

I know, it snot funny.

Ham Boogers

I was born with it!

but you can't pick your friend's nose.

I was born with mine.

but I feel like I was just born with mine.

But it's snot.

“no, son, I was born with it.”

But I feel like I was just born with mine

Nope, I was born with it.

But I feel like I was just born with mine.

He was picking his nose.

But I was only born with mine.

He was picking his nose!!!

He was picking his nose.