Watched a documentary on burping...

Think it was a repeat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Which Europeans are the best at burping contests?

Belgians.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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Burping

When I let out a large burp, my father will ask "Get any on you?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peterampbell
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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What color is a burp?

Burple.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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What did one burp say to the other burp

Let’s be stinkers and go out the other end!!!

My stepdad told me this when I was little and every once and a while I think of it and it makes me smile. I thought it would do the same for you

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bazinga-g
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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Eat burp fart poop
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AkshayyChavan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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Royal etiquette: If Queen Elizabeth accidentally burps during dinner, the other guests must pretend that nothing happened.

Because Noble Gases shouldn’t have any reaction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
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Brutus: Dude how many Caesar's salads did you eat?

Julius: <Burps> Ate 2 Brute

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CurlyHead1002
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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"What do you call one of those mini burps that never really gets enough acoustic momentum to become a full resounding rip?"

"A Son of a Belch"

Thought it up yesterday! Hopefully it's original.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaosReignsAll
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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What’s it called when your burps taste like mice?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blessedathiest
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
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Why did the skeleton burp in the church?

Because he didn't have the guts to fart

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fishinbuttersauce
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2017
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An Irishman finds a genie

All offenses aside, I’m originally from Britain and we make fun of the Irish ALL the time.

So an Irishman stumbles upon a genie’s lamp and says to himself β€œooh laddy what have we found here? I tink I’ll give it a rub to see if a genie appears!”

So he does, and lo, a puff of blue smoke comes pouring out of the spout, billows into the air and the genie’s form becomes solid. It speaks, β€œOh master of the lamp, I am your genie and I grant you three wishes.”

The Irishman’s eyes are wide open with glee, his cheeks and nose red with fire, he shouts β€œtree wishes?! That’s just brilliant!” For me first wish, I’ll have a bottle of whiskey that never runs dry.”

The genie, eyes rolling, clicks his fingers and POOF a nice big bottle of whiskey appears before the Irishman. β€œWell I tink we’ll have to put this to the test!” He snatches up the bottle, takes a long healthy swig, glug glug glug, and the bottle pops as he releases it from his lips, β€œAhhhhhhhh!!!” And to his amazement as soon as the liquid in the bottle settled, it gave a large burping β€œbulp!”, released a large bubble, and when the bubble popped the bottle was full again. β€œWELL I’LL BE! THAT’S THE MOST INCREDIBLE TING!”

The genie, steadfastly unimpressed, reminded the Irishman β€œMaster, I will bring you fortune, splendor, reputation, treasures beyond any imagination. You have two wishes remaining. What would master want for a wish?”

The Irishman looks to the genie and says β€œoh tat’s easy! I’ll have two more of these!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbacconnn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Every single time i burp

Dad - "Thats the most intelligent thing you've said all day!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heart0fGold
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2013
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Two burps

are hanging out in a stomach, one says to the other, "Let's be stinkers and go out the back door!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sethpaxton
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2013
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You know what happened to the guy who chugged 8 Pepsis at once?

...He burped 7 up

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chungus_wungus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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What happens when you drink 10 Cokes?

You burp 7-up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zackie-Chun
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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Two scientists walk into a bar...

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first walks up to the barman, smirks, and says "I'll have a shot of H2O"!

He downs the drink, burps, and says to the other scientist "Your turn".

The other scientist says "I'll have an H2O too!"

The Barman gives him a weird look, but poors the shot anyway.

The second scientist then drinks it and promptly dies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MDangerhole
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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Did you hear about the guy that drank 10 cans of soda?

He burped 7up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
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The Tao of my father

It's better to burp and bear the shame than not to burp and bear the pain. #SuperSuds

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlazerWookiee
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
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Just got my wife and infant son with this one...

After a feeding, my beautiful wife went to burp our seven month old son. He let out a gnarly burp, right in her face, to which she said, "Ew. That burp was foul, kid."

I replied with, "Did you feed him chicken salad?"

A delayed, angry smirk was a welcomed response.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SU55
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
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Dad joked my dad.

So I was eating dinner with my family, including my dad who is from Belgium, and I let out a fairly loud burp. My dad said, "that's gross," and I replied, "Hey, it wasn't a full burp; I'm only half-belchin'!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsTimeToRambleOn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2015
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My sister made me face palm so bad

She and my dad just happened to burp at the same time. One of them was loud, and dad quickly said that the loud one was her's but she just said it was Bono's.

Dad and I look at her quizzically, so she says "because it was U2"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfinityLDog
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2014
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Ex gf's dad said this all the time, made me uncomfortable the first time it was directed toward me

Someone would burp/sneeze/etc and say, "excuse me" to which he would reply "there is no excuse for you."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timothyworth
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2013
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Barg's rootbeer

When i was little, my dad told me Barg's root beeer was named after the sound of the burp you make after drinking it. I believed him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justkayla
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2013
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Got my son this evening

Walked into the room and asked

"What has two thumbs and burps"

did two thumbs up, burped and left the room.

The only response I got was Daaaaaddd

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grahampaige
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2014
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My favorite from childhood. Still use it today, gonna use it to gross out my kids later.

Dad lets out a huge burp

Me: "Dad, gross."

Dad: "Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it?"

Me: ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnknownSense
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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This is more or less the exchange in my house after every meal.

Housemate: burps Housemate: Pardon me. Me: You're pardoned.

It's much a reaction now that he regrets saying "pardon me".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/__jfree
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2014
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Does your kid have gas?

While talking with my mom about possible names for our unborn son the name Wyatt came up. My father interjects with "I hope he isn't gassy." I walked right into that one with a "Why?" He responds "Because then he would be Wyatt Burp."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Breuer1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2013
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