Historians have traced the origins of flatulence jokes to ancient egypt

It turns out they all have a toot in common

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📅︎ Oct 07 2020
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What do you call a very stinky flatulence?

A badass fart

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📅︎ Apr 26 2020
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What do you call a lady of the night with a flatulence problem?

A prostitoot!

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📅︎ Jan 04 2020
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What do you call a diet that causes chronic flatulence ?

In-terminant farting

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📅︎ Feb 09 2020
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Fatherly flatulence

When you fart, your buttocks (butt talks)

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📅︎ Jan 07 2015
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Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?

King Tootsarecommon.

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📅︎ Feb 14 2021
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Due to my flatulent habits my daughters have started calling me "Farther"

They didn't like it when I retaliated with...

"Daughturds"

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👤︎ u/wasprobot
📅︎ Oct 24 2020
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Have your heard of the Flatulent Pharaoh? I am very fond of him.

We have the toot in common.

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👤︎ u/cheelay_
📅︎ Jul 10 2020
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Tutankhamun must have been the least flatulent of the ancient pharaohs of Egypt.

Because his name is homophonous with "toot uncommon".

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📅︎ Oct 09 2017
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My girlfriend is flatulent because she had more milk, cheese and ice cream than usual this weekend.

You could say she is having trouble with her dairy air.

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👤︎ u/Rossum81
📅︎ Nov 24 2017
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The Old Ketchup Bottle

The family is all gathered around the table eating dinner when my dad grabs the nearly empty ketchup bottle for his fries. I knew it was coming. We all knew it was coming, but there really was nothing that could be done. As he squeezes the bottles, the final remnants of ketchup and trapped air escape the container sounding like the worse flatulence you have ever heard.

He then turns to my mother and says, "Those beans are getting to me fast tonight!"

Uncontrollable laughter ensued.

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👤︎ u/nwilso9
📅︎ Dec 07 2013
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FWD: Fwd: FWD FWD: Fwd: Emails from Dad

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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📅︎ May 30 2014
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