All I can say is one pun man.
I would’ve continued but with that one pun I was already in checkmate
The one pun to rule them all
I was texting a girl last night, and ended up quoting lord of the rings. She said she wasn't sure she recognized the line, but "it rings a bell".
To which I replied "Lord of the rings a bell?"
The flirting promptly ended after that.
My friend keeps telling me to stop making Rogue One puns.
She's told me that like 10 Erso times.
Wife says I won’t get 5 upvotes for this, but... Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?
They had a long conversation about bark.
Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.
A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
One impeachment is bad, but two impeachments
That’s just unpresidented
I am sooooo proud of myself for this one 😂
What did one boob say to another ?
If we don’t get support, they’ll think we’re nuts
Two Deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says
“I can’t believe I blew 40 bucks in there”
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
One astronaut says to another “I can’t find any milk for my coffee”
The other astronaut replies “In space no one can, here use cream”
My calculator only has enough power left to do one calculation
I really have to make it count
What did one eye say to the other eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
As English my second language, pretty proud of this one.
Saw this one in Walmart, it’s a baby shirt!!
I entered 10 puns in a joke contest. I figured one of them would win...
My 5 year old got me with this one:
5yo: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
5yo: To get to the dummy's house.
Me:...
5yo:...
Me:...
5yo: Knock Knock.
Me: Who's there?
5yo: The chicken.
No one could figure out who set fire to the Cathedral of Notre Dame.
But Quasimodo had a hunch.
Gonna milk this one for all its worth
Can’t believe someone rubbed one off, in elevator
From Berlin to Warsaw in one tank
My son's not even one yet, and he's Walken already.
I was walking with about 100 cows from one ranch to another and I had to pass through a vineyard so
I herded through the grapevine
I've invented a sandal for one legged people...
Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....
I wrote an epic poem with only one line.
It's in celebration of the universe.
I have been asking around what the lowest rank in the Army is, but no one would tell me.
Apparently it is private.
I got tired trying to think of a good posting title for this one.
Did you know I used to be a Lumber Jack? It was only during one summer, though.
I just couldn't, hack it.
Because I didn't have the, chops.
So they, gave me the axe.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
......and the second one Duplikate.
What did one ocean say to the other?
They didn’t say anything; they just waved.
I dream to be this commenter one day.
A man is at party and notices that a large number of people were gathering behind a big bowl of juice with cups, taking turns one by one. He walks up to one of the guests and asks, “What is this?” The guest says,
My grandfather always used to say, “As one door closes another one opens.”
Lovely man.
Terrible cabinet maker.
3 ants named A, B, and C were all males. Which one floats the best?
Is buttcheeks one word
Or should I split them apart?
My friend's 4 year old said this one: Why did the dad cross the road?
I went to a zoo, and it only had one dog.
I mean a deaf person with one arm the other day...
The conversation was pretty one-sided.
2 snowmen out in a field, one turns to the other and says...
Well this one really grew pear shaped
What did one saggy boob say to the other?
“We gotta start getting some support around here or people are gonna think we’re nuts”
I sent 10 puns to a pun contest, hoping one would win
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
