All I can say is one pun man.
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︎ Nov 14 2018
I wouldโve continued but with that one pun I was already in checkmate
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︎ Jan 16 2019
The one pun to rule them all
I was texting a girl last night, and ended up quoting lord of the rings. She said she wasn't sure she recognized the line, but "it rings a bell".
To which I replied "Lord of the rings a bell?"
The flirting promptly ended after that.
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︎ Mar 25 2015
My friend keeps telling me to stop making Rogue One puns.
She's told me that like 10 Erso times.
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︎ Jul 19 2017
Wife says I wonโt get 5 upvotes for this, but... Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?
They had a long conversation about bark.
Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.
๐︎ 24k
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︎ Feb 18 2021
A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
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︎ Jan 22 2021
One impeachment is bad, but two impeachments
Thatโs just unpresidented
๐︎ 14k
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︎ Jan 13 2021
I am sooooo proud of myself for this one ๐
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︎ Feb 11 2021
What did one boob say to another ?
If we donโt get support, theyโll think weโre nuts
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︎ Feb 15 2021
Two Deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says
โI canโt believe I blew 40 bucks in thereโ
๐︎ 1k
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︎ Feb 02 2021
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasnโt happy at all. โHow much have you had to drink?โ she asked sternly, staring at me. โNothingโ I slurred. โLook at me!โ she shouted. โItโs either me or the pub, which one is it?โ
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, โItโs you. I can tell by the voice.โ
๐︎ 16k
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︎ Dec 27 2020
One astronaut says to another โI canโt find any milk for my coffeeโ
The other astronaut replies โIn space no one can, here use creamโ
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︎ Feb 09 2021
Now that's a good one..
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︎ Feb 16 2021
My calculator only has enough power left to do one calculation
I really have to make it count
๐︎ 4k
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︎ Jan 01 2021
Saw this one from 9gag.
๐︎ 4k
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︎ Dec 07 2020
What did one eye say to the other eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
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︎ Feb 15 2021
As English my second language, pretty proud of this one.
๐︎ 4k
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︎ Nov 17 2020
Saw this one in Walmart, itโs a baby shirt!!
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︎ Feb 14 2021
I entered 10 puns in a joke contest. I figured one of them would win...
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︎ Feb 13 2021
My 5 year old got me with this one:
5yo: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
5yo: To get to the dummy's house.
Me:...
5yo:...
Me:...
5yo: Knock Knock.
Me: Who's there?
5yo: The chicken.
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︎ Jan 20 2021
No one could figure out who set fire to the Cathedral of Notre Dame.
But Quasimodo had a hunch.
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︎ Feb 18 2021
Gonna milk this one for all its worth
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︎ Jan 18 2021
Canโt believe someone rubbed one off, in elevator
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︎ Jan 24 2021
From Berlin to Warsaw in one tank
๐︎ 6k
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︎ Nov 15 2020
My son's not even one yet, and he's Walken already.
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︎ Feb 05 2021
I was walking with about 100 cows from one ranch to another and I had to pass through a vineyard so
I herded through the grapevine
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︎ Feb 17 2021
I've invented a sandal for one legged people...
๐︎ 4k
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︎ Dec 09 2020
Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....
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︎ Oct 20 2020
An intents one
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︎ Jan 25 2021
I wrote an epic poem with only one line.
It's in celebration of the universe.
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︎ Feb 21 2021
I have been asking around what the lowest rank in the Army is, but no one would tell me.
Apparently it is private.
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︎ Jan 27 2021
I got tired trying to think of a good posting title for this one.
๐︎ 5k
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︎ Oct 15 2020
Did you know I used to be a Lumber Jack? It was only during one summer, though.
I just couldn't, hack it.
Because I didn't have the, chops.
So they, gave me the axe.
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︎ Jan 19 2021
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing
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︎ Feb 05 2021
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
......and the second one Duplikate.
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︎ Feb 21 2021
What did one ocean say to the other?
They didnโt say anything; they just waved.
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︎ Feb 09 2021
I dream to be this commenter one day.
๐︎ 3k
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︎ Oct 31 2020
A man is at party and notices that a large number of people were gathering behind a big bowl of juice with cups, taking turns one by one. He walks up to one of the guests and asks, โWhat is this?โ The guest says,
โThis is the punch lineโ
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︎ Feb 21 2021
I love this one ๐น
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︎ Feb 07 2021
My grandfather always used to say, โAs one door closes another one opens.โ
Lovely man.
Terrible cabinet maker.
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︎ Feb 18 2021
3 ants named A, B, and C were all males. Which one floats the best?
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︎ Feb 02 2021
Is buttcheeks one word
Or should I split them apart?
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︎ Jan 20 2021
My friend's 4 year old said this one: Why did the dad cross the road?
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︎ Feb 19 2021
I went to a zoo, and it only had one dog.
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︎ Feb 21 2021
I mean a deaf person with one arm the other day...
The conversation was pretty one-sided.
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︎ Feb 21 2021
2 snowmen out in a field, one turns to the other and says...
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︎ Feb 01 2021
Well this one really grew pear shaped
๐︎ 5
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︎ Feb 13 2021
What did one saggy boob say to the other?
โWe gotta start getting some support around here or people are gonna think weโre nutsโ
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︎ Jan 01 2021
I sent 10 puns to a pun contest, hoping one would win
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︎ Jan 28 2021
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