Just had an officer at the door saying he was looking for a man with one eye...
Told him to use both and he’d probably find him a lot quicker.
Did you hear about the little boy born without an eye lid? They had to use his foreskin to make one.
The surgery went well, he is just a little cockeyed now.
A police officer just came to the door and said he was looking for a man with one eye.
I told him he would probably find him faster he used both.
What did one eye say to the other?
"Between you and me, something smells."
What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?
What do you call a duck with one eye?
I've heard so much about the "Eye Of The Tiger", but how come no one talks about…
Eye'm sorry for this one :(
Two monsters were at a party having a good time when one of them noticed a lady monster rolled her eyes at them. The monster asked his monster friend "what should I do?"
The other other monster replied "be a gentleman, roll them back to her."
I just asked my 14 yr old after he was talking the whole time while I was showing how to do something. ‘Do you know why god gave us two eyes and only one mouth?’
‘Because we don’t need depth perception with our mouths ‘ was his technically correct answer
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
I told my dad I just met someone with one eye named john.
My dad...what was his other eye called?
One of our fish lost its eye
Me: How did that happen?
Dad: Eye dunno
I'm closing one eye, down this water slide...
Winking in a water wonderland!
Steal everyone's eyelids and no one bats an eye...
Remove their brains from their skulls and everyone loses their mind...
In heaven, there were two huge signs. The first read, "Men Who Did What Their Wives Told Them to Do." The line of men under this sign stretched as far as the eye could see. The second sign stated, "Men Who Did What They Wanted to Do." Only one man stood under that sign...
Intrigued, St. Peter said to the lone man, “No one has ever stood under this sign. Tell me about yourself."
The man shrugged and said, “My wife told me to stand here.”
Got my girl to roll her eyes with this one at the fair.
There were costumed food characters on stage in a cooking demonstration at the fair we were at (ice cream, churro, orange, and really round corn on the cob).
As the corn character was introduced, I turned to my girlfriend and said, "Aww shucks, that corn is a little husky."
The immediate look of disdain and the eye roll from her is my reason for living.
Ever since I lost one of my eyes in an accident my life hasn't had any depth.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes
Reason I gave was that “I can’t SEE myself coming in to work today”
I once knew a pair of twins that looked exactly alike, except that one of them was missing an eye.
They were dentical twins.
Why do pirates have only one eye
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
So I met a lady today who replaced one of her eyes with a banana.
As a set, they were oddly appealing.
I know a good eye doctor when I see one.
Accidentally punched myself (true story) and now I have a black eye (also true story). People say "That must've been one heck of a fight."
"Oh yeah. You should see the other guy!"
One thing I've never understood about that 'Cotton Eye Joe' song
If the singer was so upset, why didn't they just ban Joe?
How come when women use chemicals to remove polish no one bats an eye
But when hitler does it the whole world is against him?
They rushed me into the hospital with all my limbs detached, screaming in pain, but the doctor took one look at me and rolled his eyes.
“Pull yourself together.”
Two eyes are resting on a face when one says to the other, “Between you and me, something smells.”
News Reporter: We've been looking for an escaped convict with one eye...
If we don't find him, we'll use two eyes
As a dad I was proud of this one driving home from the eye doctor
Son: The doctor said I need to be sure to change my contacts every two weeks so my eyes don't get irritated. But I'm bad with setting reminders.
Dad: Just eyeball it.
Take away people's eyelids and no one bats an eye..
Remove their brains and everybody loses their minds...
I made my housemate's eye roll into the back of his head with this one
' I was considering buying a new matress. The salesman was pushing quite hard for the sale, but I was unsure so I said to him "I'm not sure still, I'll have to sleep on it" '
I feel the dad brewing inside me!
What did one eye say to the other eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What did one eye say to the other eye?
"I think there's something in between us that smells"
From my son: what did one eye say to the other eye?
Don't look now, but there's something between us that smells.
I've never been so proud
What did the right eye say to the left one?
Between you and me man something smells
What did one eye say to the other?
Between you and me, something smells!
What did the one eye say to the other eye?
Hey Between you and me... something smells!
What did the right eye said to the left one ?
Between me and you something smells
The one eye says to the other, "between me and you, something smells.."
What did one eye say to the other?
"ya know? Between you and me, something smells."
What did one eye say to the other?
"Between you and me, something smells."
What did one eye say to the other
There’s something between us that smells
What did one eye say to the other eye?
Between you and me something smells! :)
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