What did one eye say to the other eye?
Between you and me, something smells
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︎ Oct 24 2021
βWhat do you get when you put a penis on one eye and a vagina on the other eye?β (FYI My 5 year old daughter made this up)
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︎ Jul 30 2021
Got an eye roll with this one
My daughter: Dad you're really going to town on those eggs with that fork.
Me:. You better stand back it's whisk-y business.
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︎ Aug 20 2021
Just had an officer at the door saying he was looking for a man with one eye...
Told him to use both and heβd probably find him a lot quicker.
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︎ Mar 18 2021
One is nose, two is eye, four is limb, eight is finger, ten is...
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︎ Oct 03 2021
A police officer came to my door today. He told me he was looking for this man with one eye.
I told him it'd probably go a lot faster if he used both.
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︎ Jul 09 2021
During the monthly healing service, AJ asked if the preacher could help with his hearing. The preacher called him up, put one hand on AJs ear, one on his head, and began the prayer. The whole church joined in with great enthusiasm. The preacher looked AJ in the eyes and asked if the prayer helped.
With great excitement and a newfound enthusiasm for life AJ replied "the hearing isn't until Thursday, I'll let you know!"
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︎ Aug 09 2021
Did you hear about the little boy born without an eye lid? They had to use his foreskin to make one.
The surgery went well, he is just a little cockeyed now.
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︎ May 25 2021
Have you heard the one about the magician with the black eye?
His doc said not to worry, it was just an optical contusion.
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︎ Jun 21 2021
From my son: what did one eye say to the other eye?
Don't look now, but there's something between us that smells.
I've never been so proud
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︎ Nov 05 2020
I just asked my 14 yr old after he was talking the whole time while I was showing how to do something. βDo you know why god gave us two eyes and only one mouth?β
βBecause we donβt need depth perception with our mouths β was his technically correct answer
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︎ Jun 29 2019
Eye'm sorry for this one :(
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︎ Dec 28 2019
What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?
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︎ Dec 24 2020
I've heard so much about the "Eye Of The Tiger", but how come no one talks aboutβ¦
β¦the other four letters?
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︎ May 02 2020
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
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︎ May 25 2020
What do you call a duck with one eye?
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︎ Dec 26 2020
Two monsters were at a party having a good time when one of them noticed a lady monster rolled her eyes at them. The monster asked his monster friend "what should I do?"
The other other monster replied "be a gentleman, roll them back to her."
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︎ Nov 02 2020
I told my dad I just met someone with one eye named john.
My dad...what was his other eye called?
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︎ Apr 11 2020
Got my girl to roll her eyes with this one at the fair.
There were costumed food characters on stage in a cooking demonstration at the fair we were at (ice cream, churro, orange, and really round corn on the cob).
As the corn character was introduced, I turned to my girlfriend and said, "Aww shucks, that corn is a little husky."
The immediate look of disdain and the eye roll from her is my reason for living.
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︎ Jul 18 2016
Steal everyone's eyelids and no one bats an eye...
Remove their brains from their skulls and everyone loses their mind...
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︎ Nov 25 2018
I once knew a pair of twins that looked exactly alike, except that one of them was missing an eye.
They were dentical twins.
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︎ Oct 04 2018
In heaven, there were two huge signs. The first read, "Men Who Did What Their Wives Told Them to Do." The line of men under this sign stretched as far as the eye could see. The second sign stated, "Men Who Did What They Wanted to Do." Only one man stood under that sign...
Intrigued, St. Peter said to the lone man, βNo one has ever stood under this sign. Tell me about yourself."
The man shrugged and said, βMy wife told me to stand here.β
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︎ Jul 24 2019
Why do pirates have only one eye
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︎ Jun 05 2019
I'm closing one eye, down this water slide...
Winking in a water wonderland!
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︎ Dec 17 2019
One of our fish lost its eye
Me: How did that happen?
Dad: Eye dunno
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︎ Jan 21 2020
Ever since I lost one of my eyes in an accident my life hasn't had any depth.
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︎ Nov 08 2019
I know a good eye doctor when I see one.
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︎ Nov 09 2018
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes
Reason I gave was that βI canβt SEE myself coming in to work todayβ
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︎ Nov 07 2019
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
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︎ Oct 14 2019
So I met a lady today who replaced one of her eyes with a banana.
As a set, they were oddly appealing.
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︎ Aug 20 2019
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
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︎ Oct 22 2019
How come when women use chemicals to remove polish no one bats an eye
But when hitler does it the whole world is against him?
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︎ Apr 27 2019
Accidentally punched myself (true story) and now I have a black eye (also true story). People say "That must've been one heck of a fight."
"Oh yeah. You should see the other guy!"
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︎ Aug 23 2019
One thing I've never understood about that 'Cotton Eye Joe' song
If the singer was so upset, why didn't they just ban Joe?
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︎ Aug 05 2019
Two eyes are resting on a face when one says to the other, βBetween you and me, something smells.β
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︎ Nov 09 2017
The local police came into my work today looking for a man with one eye..
I told them the search would probably go quicker if they used both eyes
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︎ Jul 06 2021
What did one eye say to the other?
Between you and I, something smells.
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︎ Jul 27 2021
A police officer just came to the door and said he was looking for a man with one eye.
I told him he would probably find him faster he used both.
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︎ May 02 2021
What did one eye say to the other?
"Between you and me, something smells."
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︎ Apr 14 2021
What did one eye say to the other eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
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︎ Feb 15 2021
What did one eye say to the other eye?
"I think there's something in between us that smells"
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︎ Mar 09 2021
What did the right eye say to the left one?
Between you and me man something smells
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︎ Jun 17 2020
What did one eye say to the other?
Between you and me, something smells!
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︎ May 14 2020
What did the one eye say to the other eye?
Hey Between you and me... something smells!
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︎ Oct 07 2019
What did the right eye said to the left one ?
Between me and you something smells
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︎ Nov 22 2019
What did one eye say to the other?
"Between you and me, something smells."
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︎ Mar 30 2019
What did one eye say to the other?
"ya know? Between you and me, something smells."
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︎ Jun 30 2019
What did one eye say to the other
Thereβs something between us that smells
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︎ Feb 03 2019
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