She packed up her bags and right.
I said no I didn’t know he could.
He just didn’t cut it.
The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”
"No, I always dress like this", I replied.
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
Brocco Lee
It was too time consuming.
I’d have $8.40.
He told me he was really high.
Those were goodyears
Would it now be an Edison?
She said "They're right behind you!"
It was always just one ting after another.
Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. I’m glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.
.. Only got 20%Off
He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.
But when I woke up I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.
I herded through the grapevine
But it was arson
Every morning I took him out for a drag.
"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"
Oops... sorry, wrong thread !
If it had direction, it would be called “Velocity”.
People always asked how I could tell them apart but it was pretty easy.
Jessica had purple fingernails, James had a dick.
He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly...
His major was arkeology.
Maybe that's why I have such low elf-esteem.
He had troubleshooting
..Dozen tit?
He just pulled out a sharpie and started drawing all over me. I could not for the life of me figure out why, but it was very unprofessional
This morning I woke up and my pillow was gone.
Today is the 13th anniversary of my father passing and this was my favorite joke that he used to tell. Enjoy.
He said mahalo.
It was a bit Chewie
His question was, "Is 'buttcheeks' one word?"
"Or should I spread them apart?"
since if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan.
He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.
As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.
Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.
When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,
"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"
I guess Everybody's Working For the Weekend.
I had some great feedback, the kids even said it was souper good!
But it turned out it was an optical Aleutian.
So I asked her, "Where did that come from?"
The food was ok but the bill was enormous.
so I packed up my things and right
It's not even clothes.
