I bribed my friends into helping me move by buying an extra large stuffed crust pepperoni...

I call it β€œinfluen-za.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dcrose89
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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I heard about a politician who was caught accepting bribes from a jean company.

He’s in the pocket of big pants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Arthur24
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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A mother was bribing her little boy with a quarter so he could behave..

β€œWhy do I always have to pay you to be good”

Why can’t you be a good for nothing like your dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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My buddy tried to bribe me

I told them I don't do Paypal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ebatm3
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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When i wanted to take the PlayStation controller away from my little brother, I'd bribe him with a candy bar.

It was one of the Twix of the trade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karmaniak
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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What do you call it when the Italian mafia bribes the judges of the Tony awards so they can control who wins?

Rigatoni.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLastJoe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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I tried to bribe a bunch of crows with some French fries

It was a tempted murder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/badger_danger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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Never bribe someone with Indian food.

You could be accused of currying favour.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaldrickD2M
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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Bribes made of loose change

Always offer a little in-cent-tive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwellMusic
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
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A man once tried to bribe me with his stamp collection.

I told him, "Philately will get you no where".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sir0zeke
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2012
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The scuba diving boxer was an honest man

even when bribed he refused to take a dive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stroke_n_Smoke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2017
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My girlfriend and her younger sisters (21 and 9) were adopted by lesbian parents. I'm going to be the only dad joke source in their lives and it's a big responsibility that I take seriously. Any suggestions are welcomed.

For the youngest siblings recent 9th birthday I put 9 dollars in a block of ice (had to bribe a local butcher shop to let me put a cooler in their freezer, worth it) But I need some long term ideas, because I intend to show this family with a lack of dads the full scope of dad jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MANTHEFUCKUPBRO
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2016
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There are many things in the world, that can get you arrested.

Take bribes, for example.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThEitan
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2017
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The history books got it wrong ... AGAIN

New evidence as been found that in addition to trying to sway public opinion against Tesla's advocacy of alternating current, Edison went so far as to try to criminalize A/C through the courts by claiming public endangerment.

Sounds like he was close to winning, but his own hubris did him in. He tried to assure his victory by attempting to bribe the circuit court judge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Myntrith
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2015
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Robots like cookies.

Friend: Did you hear that robots are going to be smarter than humans by 2045? Do you want to build a bunker now or wait for the good, stupid robots and make them do it for us?
Me: Nah, bro. We gotta do it ourselves. The bad robots will retrieve the good robots' memory and find our bunker.
Friend: Maybe we could bribe them with cookies?
Me: I doubt we have enough cookies, robots take megabytes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtaxNOOOOOO
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2014
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I heard about a politician who was caught taking bribes from a jean company.

He’s in the pocket of big pants.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Arthur24
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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What do you call it when the Italian mafia bribes the judges of the Tony awards so they can control who wins?

Rigatoni.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLastJoe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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