I got (Maggie) Reilly carried away.
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👤︎ u/orlanthi
📅︎ Apr 28 2020
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I boasted to my son, "Did you know scientists discovered that the brains of male parents irreversibly change after their first child was born?" He rolled his eyes and ignored me, but I carried on...

"They become brain-dad!"

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📅︎ Aug 25 2020
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Did you know that medieval kings and queens were carried...

...Litterally!

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👤︎ u/Lunkz3n
📅︎ Jul 26 2020
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Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.

I was in diss-gust.

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📅︎ Jul 22 2020
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A large cat just carried off one of my tennis shoes!

It was a puma.

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📅︎ Jun 14 2020
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Pet rabbit missing. Last seen carried away by owl

Fowl play suspected.

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👤︎ u/assafstone
📅︎ May 09 2020
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Rare diseases carried by bat droppings

Be careful to avoid bat droppings. You can catch a rare disease from them that can drive you batshit crazy.

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👤︎ u/aiaor
📅︎ Feb 09 2020
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A Government think tank have carried out a survey looking into how people walk home from the pub...

The results are staggering.

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📅︎ Sep 28 2019
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Why are handcuffs sometimes carried by foreign visitors?

Because they were designed for two wrists.

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👤︎ u/Sonicxwwe
📅︎ Dec 05 2019
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Carried our dog into the bedroom where my daughter was on the playstation today...

... said to her with a very sad look on my face "I'm going to have to put the dog down". She looked horrified and almost in tears and asked "why?"... "Because she's getting heavy" I said as I put the dog on the floor and walked away.

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👤︎ u/NZOC
📅︎ Apr 27 2019
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Did you hear that cats have carried out a Coup in Barcelona and declared independence from Spain?

They're calling themselves the Republic of Catalo-nya.

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👤︎ u/OhHiGCHQ
📅︎ Jun 17 2019
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A man asked me for a dollar. I said I only carried big bills.

He asked me to give him one, so I gave him my electric bill.

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📅︎ Sep 28 2019
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I used to know a French guy who carried snails in his pants...

...he called them "escargot shorts."

I almost killed my GF with this one

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ Jul 16 2019
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If a time traveller from the future carried some sausages with him as he travels,

Does he have a link to the past?

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📅︎ Apr 03 2019
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Chemist always carried Sulfer, Tungsten, and Silver

That way he always had SWAg

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📅︎ Apr 16 2019
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I carried my clock out to my rose garden...

I took time to smell the flowers.

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📅︎ Feb 10 2019
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My Dad carried this in his wallet for years. I used to roll my eyes every time he pulled it out, but now the memory always makes me smile. mindwerx.com/files/imagec…
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📅︎ Aug 28 2013
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I carried a big heavy blanket to the park.

I’m telling you it was no picnic.

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👤︎ u/Toberoni
📅︎ Dec 17 2018
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Did you see Terrell get carried off the field today?

That Suggs...

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📅︎ Sep 13 2015
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My father-in-law asked me if I knew why he carried a .45

Because they don't make a .46!

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👤︎ u/mhbaker82
📅︎ Aug 19 2013
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