What did the cannibal wife give her cannibal husband when he arrived home late?
My wife arrived for an appointment and texted me "There's no body here!"
"Well I hope you would call the cops if there were"
What did the Terminator say to Arwen after he arrived in Middle-earth?
Come with me if you want to, Liv Tyler.
When I arrived onset on a cloudy, dreary day, too many actors had been hired for the small part...
David Beckham’s son arrived for football training.
He asked the coach, “What number shirt am I?”
The coach said “Wear four out there, Romeo”.
If a clock you ordered arrived in the mail,
That means your time is here
Text me when you've arrived
Sherlock and Watson arrived on the scene of a murder and the only clue was a measuring tape pulled out to exactly 12 inches.
Apparently something was afoot.
When we arrived at the playground, I realised my son secretly brought the cat with him. I was about to be angry at him...
...but then I decided to let it slide.
My girlfriend told me that a very thick letter had arrived for me.
I replied, 'of course it's thick. Envelopes and pieces of paper do not tend to have a very high IQ'.
I enjoyed hiking up mountains, until I arrived at the top.
From there, it's all downhill.
I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no.
Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.
My new Tesla arrived yesterday and didn’t have a new car smell...
It had more of an Elon Musk.
What did the haunted spice cabinet say when December arrived?
Trump and Pence were preparing to leave the Whitehouse for a big rally. When the helicopter arrived, Trump wasn't ready yet, so Pence asked: "Do you want me to wait for you Mr. President?" ...
"No Mike, you fly on ahead and I'll catch up later".
What did the cat say when he arrived in China?
My wife tried to order an exotic snake online, but when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves...
Looks like the boa cons tricked her...
So Poland's dealing with a surge in the number of the novel coronavirus cases. Can we say that the Winged HusSARS arrived?
An alternative... was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds.
This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.
Joke by Terry Pratchett, ‘The Colour of Magic’, Prologue.
What did the cinnamon say to the paprika when he arrived at his house
My book on clocks finally arrived.
I'm a time traveler, just arrived from 1990
It took me thirty years to get here.
The summer rains have finally arrived...
Couldn’t have come monsoon enough!
Your sheepment has arrived
In the early days of Tesla, they had difficulties getting the CEO to show up on time to meetings, so they trained a puppy to find him and bark until he arrived...
...all they had to say was "get Elon little doggie".
What do u call a bee arrived from US?
What happened when Cinderella arrived at the ball?
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him “How come there’s no charge?”
He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”
What did the Norwegian money lender say when he arrived at your front door?
I ordered some glue online using Amazon, but it hasn’t arrived yet.
It’s probably stuck in the mail.
The other week the police arrived on the scene to find me upside down in my car...
They told me not to be so silly, and to sit properly...
A suspicious looking spacecraft landed on Earth to bring back to life ray-finned fish. But one spacecraft wasn't sufficient, so more arrived.
I think it was extra to restore eels
I went to a dinner party yesterday. The hosts are chefs and made all kinds of food, buffet style. I arrived early had some hors d'oeuvres. Then I realized I was thirsty, and I wanted to try the mixed juice drink. At this point everyone else was getting food, so I walked right up and got a cup...
When Sean Connery was a boy, people would often find him cleaning plates when they arrived.
His Mother would always turn around and say "dishes Sean Connery"
I bought a thesaurus on-line and when it arrived all the pages were blank.
I have no words for how angry I am.
I recently visited Washington state for the first time. Much to my surprise, it ended up being a warm and sunny day when I arrived! Put on a tank top, threw on some shades, and picked up an iced latte. I took a stroll through the park near the Space Needle and had a wonderful time.
I guess you could say I was sleeveless in Seattle
My neighbors just got sent a suit of armour but they weren't home when it arrived.
I told the delivery driver that they must have gone out for the Knight.
When my friend, a CIA agent, arrived at the hotel in Syria, dead insects were scattered all over the floor...
He had to sweep for bugs.
My friend just arrived back late from Japan
I told him, "You Tokyo time"
Just arrived in Minnesota: the land of 10,000 lakes and 1 bad pun..
How did Darth Vader know Santa had arrived?
He could sense his presents.
I arrived early at the restaurant last night. “Do you mind waiting for a bit?” The manager asked. “Not at all” I replied.
“Good, take these lasagnas to table 6” he said.
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