Mosquito-borne infectious diseases aren't funny.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
My birthday is on July 24th, shame I was born in america. If I was born anywhere else....
my birthday would be 24/7
My son was just born and another dad at the hospital congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday.
He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"
"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."
TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys
When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees
Why was the night Jesus was born so quiet?
Mary was giving Joseph the silent treatment for not booking a room in advance (this came from my dad 🤣🤣)
If a baby is born on a plane, i guess you could call it... airborn
your mom secretly told me that you were born on a highway
....that's where most accidents happen
I hear that Legolas from the Lord of the Rings had an older brother, but he died before Legolas was born.
Bruce Springsteen: Baby we are born to run.
Bruce Springsadult: let’s just take a cab.
Can a fencing champion born in France, but raised in the U.S. represent either country in the olympics?
Yes. Because they have duel citizenship.
Why was Jesus born in a stable?
There was no womb in the inn.
Did you know that all bees are born near the ocean?
I read a story about twin brothers born with a single body and shared organs.
Age 6 they were separated in a successful 13hr surgery. Later in life they went to prison for armed robbery. They served 10yrs. Afterwards they wrote their book about being ex-con joined twins.
Are people born with a photographic memory?
Or does it take time to develop?
In what month was Shrek born?
Oct-ogre
(Credit to my 4-y old!)
Since my daughter was born I haven't slept for 11 months.
Because that would be entirely too long.
We have a joke calendar and we missed this week, my wife was having me guess the answers and we ended up accidentally creating this gem: what do you call a cow that was just born?
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
Thought I heard someone say “Hello” in Arabic
But it was a false Salaam.
When I was born, I only weighed 33.8 ounces...
Doctor said I was a natural born liter
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
How did Bruce Lee describe his son Brandon after he was born?
How do you know Jesus wasn't born in America?
They needed 3 wise men and a virgin
A Chinese kid was born before the due date
Parents named him “Sudden Lee”
What was the first thing Sinatra said to his parents when he was born?
What is it called when you die and are born again as a hillbilly?
Why does Barbie look so young even though she was born in the fifties?
When I was born, I sure was relieved
I was running out of womb.
Are oranges born to be juiced?
... Or will they only do it when they are under pressure?
Nurses in the maternity ward don’t want babies to be in shock by the temperature change when they’re born.
So they make sure it’s set at womb temperature.
I was born a tree with a penchant for conversation
A baby born now, in 2033, will be a...
Quaran-teen
Source: My local mechanic, bless his heart
http://imgur.com/gallery/XYWedTN
First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when I’m down I go to the mall and use the elevator.
So it can lift me up and make my day better.
I tried to OC.
My wife and I recently had a child on accident. We didn't want a child at all as we are rather young and wanted to wait a few years. He was born yesterday at the whopping weight of 8 kilos.
We've made a massive mistake
Daughter asked, “Why am I named Rose?” Its because a rose landed on you shortly after you were born. My other daughter asked, “ Why am I named Daisy?” It is because a daisy landed on your head after you were born.
My son asked, “ Why is my name Richard?”
An alternative... was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds.
This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.
Joke by Terry Pratchett, ‘The Colour of Magic’, Prologue.
Real house cleaners aren’t just born their maid
I boasted to my son, "Did you know scientists discovered that the brains of male parents irreversibly change after their first child was born?" He rolled his eyes and ignored me, but I carried on...
Is it ok to call the babies born in 2020....doomers?
I can't say for satan, but I reckon he's born to play the part
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So, I have an uncle once removed.
Are people born with photographic memories...
....Or do they take a while to develop?
My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
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