Mosquito-borne infectious diseases aren't funny.
Are people born with a photographic memory?
Or does it take time to develop?
Why does Barbie look so young even though she was born in the fifties?
Nurses in the maternity ward don’t want babies to be in shock by the temperature change when they’re born.
So they make sure it’s set at womb temperature.
What is it called when you die and are born again as a hillbilly?
First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when I’m down I go to the mall and use the elevator.
So it can lift me up and make my day better.
I tried to OC.
They say the next Steve Jobs could be born at anytime. . .
Well I can assure you he’d be unemployed if he’s born in 2020.
My wife and I recently had a child on accident. We didn't want a child at all as we are rather young and wanted to wait a few years. He was born yesterday at the whopping weight of 8 kilos.
We've made a massive mistake
A baby born now, in 2033, will be a...
Quaran-teen
Source: My local mechanic, bless his heart
http://imgur.com/gallery/XYWedTN
I can't say for satan, but I reckon he's born to play the part
If you are born in a car and die outside, you are literally
Both my ex and I were born in July
She said I was a crab.
I said she was cancer.
The moment i was born
I had an out of body experience
I was born a Yorkshire pudding
But I was made in the royal gravy
Real house cleaners aren’t just born their maid
My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
Someone: I like your name!
Me: Thanks, I got it for my birthday
i called 911 and told them my wife was in labor she asked if it was her first born
i said no this is her husband
If you were born and raised in France, what does that make you?
Did you hear what they are going to call the generation of kids born 9 months from now?
When kids born in 2020 hit their teenage years, we can call them quaranteens.
I was born with a club foot...
TIL that the famous ancient Egyptian boy king also had club feet.
So I guess we have that in Tutankhamen
I was born with a third nipple.
Sorry, I know that was random.
Just really want to get this off my chest.
I have always liked whiskey, but ever since my kids were born,
I have learned to love it.
Why was the chicken born with three legs?
why can't you see the father of a person who identifies themself with a different gender than the one They're born with?
They should name a panda born this year Mick...
Then it could be the panda Mick of 2020.
Writing a book about a baby born in the sea...
The title is "From C-word to sea world"
A guy was born without eyelids
They decided to replace it with some of his foreskin, it all went well but the surgery was a little cockeyed
My Second son was born in the car on the way to the hospital.
If you're born on Earth Day, then it's your
B-Earth-Day
yes, i'm born on earth day...
Son: Where were you born, Dad?
Dad: In the US
Son: Which part?
Dad: What "which part", my whole body was born in the US
True house cleaners aren't just born...
If you were born without vocal chords...
...you wouldn’t be able to tell.
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday… said maybe they'll marry eachother.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
You must have been born upside down
Because your nose runs and your feet smell
If you got all the kids born between 2001 and 2010 together...
If you got all the kids born between 2001 and 2010 together and had them do a group activity, you could have a quarantine, quaranteen, quaranteam!
I havent heard dad joke since I was born
Hope he is able to speak someday
Did you know humans are born with 4 kidneys?
By 18, two of them become knees.
If you're in your mid to late thirties, chances are you were born in the...
My very first dad joke as an actual dad.
On the day my daughter was born
Nurse: We're gonna have to give her a few shots in her heel.
Me: Her heel?! She's not going to be able to walk for months!
TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys.
When they grow up, two of them become adult knees.
I have a friend who was born on October 10th. Every year for his birthday I get him a 3 foot long pole. He hates it.
It might be stupid, but 10/10 wood post again.
In a couple of years, kid born now will be called...
Eventually everyone will be quarantined to their homes without sports and in 9 months babies will be born.
They will be known as the Coronials
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs and he’s floating in your pool?
Bob.
(It’s padre’s birthday and he just dug that one out of the depths of his memory...)
Were any great men born in this country?
Bad kids aren’t born they’re...
As a circumcised man, I would highly recommend to not circumcise your son.
I was circumcised just after I was born, and I couldn’t walk for about a year.
On my first date with my girlfriend, she proudly proclaimed that she wasn't born in the US, she's actually Scottish.
I told her "Oh, I love your tape."
I was once a boy trapped in a woman’s body
Did you know Ariel was born in our nation's capital?
A bear goes to the bar and says "can I get one whiskey..................and one coke"
The bartender asked "why the big pause"
The bear replies "I was born with them"
News was the baby had a fatal liver problem even before it was born
Luckily in the end, it was safely de livered
A polar bear walked into a bar.
“A rum and...................... coke please." He asked.
"Certainly", replied the bar man, "but why the big pause?"
"I was born with them", answered the bear.
What do you call someone who was born on Valentine’s Day?
If you were born after 1945 you were literally named after Hitler
I have never picked my nose...
I always have had the one I was born with!
Why did the lion born in 2010 kill the deer born in 2016?
Because the lion pre-dates the deer.
How do you greet a German baker?
Right after being born, my newborn daughter wouldn't "latch" for her first feeding. So after 27-plus hours of labor and four hours of pushing, I looked at my poor, exhausted wife and said, "Looks like she's... resisting abreast."
My first official dad joke.
Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! I’ll be putting this in my little one’s Reddit Scholarship Fund!
I know a kid who was born without eyelids. His parents decided to have him circumcised and used his foreskin as a skin graft for his eyelids. The surgery went really well....
.... although afterwards he was a bit cockeyed.
Born to be an anesthesiologist.
When you are born you have 4 kidneys
However when you become older you have 2 kidneys and 2 adult nees
31 years ago I was born on this day
Feels like a lifetime ago
If you were born between December 22nd and January 20th then that means you're a part of the
All the babies at the hospital wanted to be paid for being born.
So they joined a labor union.
Was the gymnast born loose and limber?
Our second child, a boy, was nearly born on the drive over to the hospital.
At the time we were thinking of naming him Carson.
A man is sitting in the hospital with his newborn baby when his own father walks in.
Father: "So, how does it feel being a dad?"
Son: "It feels good. I'm a bit scared of course, but so excited at the same time. How does it feel being a grandfather?"
Father: "It feels pretty great. You've always been a good son and I've been patiently waiting for this special moment. There's something now that I have to give you."
The son watches curiously as his father pulls a large tome out of his backpack with exquisite text on the cover: 'The Big Book of Dad Jokes'.
Father: " For generations these sacred texts have been passed down through the patriarchs of our family. My father gave it to me when you were born and now, as a new father yourself, I bestow it to you. With this book you will have all the knowledge needed to become a truly great Dad."
Son: " Wow, Dad, this is amazing! Truly! I'm... I'm honored."
The father smiles as he extends his arm out to shake his son's hand and says,
"Nice to meet you, Honored. I'm Dad."
When I saw my son being born
My whole being became apparent.
What day are most babies born?
Request: Food Puns!
Hi Everyone!
So I have a request for you all. Some friends and I are starting a new Pathfinder Campaign. Specifically, Hell's Rebels. I noticed one point mentioned that mint is now outruled, as one of the more 'insane' laws being put into place. Naturally, I have designed my character entirely around that.
Thus, the Chef Pana Kouta is born. I hope to 'pepper' some puns throughout the campaign, and would love to have some help from you all!
To summarise Hell's Rebels: A city of freedom is put under martial law, and the party will become leaders of a rebellion to stop the tyranny as the new leader begins issuing more and more insane laws.
My son was born today (totally true story)
A couple of hours later, I text my wife
"I don't want to alarm you, but I'm the hospital"
edit: the original message
Poor child.
A child was born in Europe with no eyelids. They used his foreskin from the circumcision to create new eyelids for him. Everything turned out great, he's just a little cockeyed.
My son was almost born a week early,
but we told him to go back to his womb.
(Credit to my father-in-law)
If the generation born in the 2020s isn't called the visionary generation, something went wrong.
Kid: how are photographers born?
Dad: Well son, when a paparazzi and a mamarazzi love each other very much...
My dad never loved me as a child..
In fairness, I wasn’t born until he was an adult
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
I was born with a photographic mind.
It just took some time to develop.
True house cleaners aren't just born
What day was my child born on?
What do you call babies born 9 months from now?
Why will the kids born 9 months from now be so creepy?
Because they will be The Children of the Quarn.
I have a friend who was born on October 10th. Every year for his birthday I get him a 3 foot long fence pole. He hates it.
It might be stupid, but 10/10 wood post again.
My father was born with a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
My son was just born(!) and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday… said maybe they'll marry eachother.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
I have a friend who was born on October 10th. Every year for his birthday I get him a 3 foot long fence pole. He hates it.
It might be stupid, but 10/10 wood post again.
I was born at a very young age.
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday… said maybe they'll marry each other.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
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