"Ma'am you son dried "
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
They could have sung “I’m burning, I’m burning, I’m burning for ‘U’!”
So we did it squid pro quo
The police are currently looking into it...
Shit’s going down
They pared up nicely.
He took his scythe and started chopping the carrots with me. Very scary when you are dicing with death.
-
Would you like to donate to my charity. Said the bird when landing on a tree above their heads
-
What is it called? asked the man.
The bird looked them straight in the eyes and cawed four times.
The man and woman were very confused until the bird said.
- It's four good caws.
A young woman was rummaging through her grandmother’s belongings, and she came across a mysterious lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp, Rick Astley appeared before her and said, “I will give you three wishes.”
She thought for a moment and said, “For my first wish I would like to end world hunger.” “An admirable request. Consider it granted!” Rick said.
“For my second wish, I would like world peace.” “Ah, this is a very difficult request, but it has been done. And for your final request?”
She thought for a moment and decided to make this a selfish wish. “As a movie buff, I would like a copy of every movie in the world in my own private collection.” The genie a bit taken back . . . . paused and said, “This I cannot do . . .” “Why!?” The women exclaimed. “ You can fix world hunger and end all wars, but you cannot complete this simple task?!” The Genie looked away and said, “I can, but your collection will not be complete . . . you see . . . I’m never gunna give you Up!”
Judas Isacarrot.
People tuned in like gangbusters!
While on a cruise a few months ago, my wife, another couple and I were eating dinner in one of the fancier restaurants. We saw someone in uniform (who looked like the captain) eating dinner with a few others nearby.
Our friend asked "if that's the captain, then who's driving the boat?"
My response, "it's fine, he's got it on cruise control"
Send picture of boat.
The police are looking into it.
It was refreshing.
It said "Stop dreaming about math, nerd."
And my dad answered, "for showing his bear ass"
A student asked me what a paradox is.
I said to go to a lake and find two docks, that is a paradox.
Silence followed.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/4stjtt/customers_of_restaurants_thats_appeared_on_gordon/d5c5il9?context=1
Angel: "Behold! I exceed ninety degrees!"
Isaiah: "Uh... what?"
And the angel gave no explanation and vanished.
Isaiah muttered: "What an obtuse angel."
I was touring a natural science museum with my extended family, and happened to pause at a large prehistoric fish skeleton. While reading the information about the specimen, I saw a new dad walk by with his wife and two very young children. He paused with his daughter and told her, "They call this fish the sea-rex!".
I hope that father goes far.
The thread really blew up.
