Now I can’t even look at myself in the mirror.
Until my mother took the urn from me
Police Headquarters…..
Not screaming and panicking, like the people in the backseat of his car.
he got kicked out of the theater that day
“Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!”
The doctor said he died of shelf-inflicted wounds.
Now he’s a great grandfather.
Until Mom took the urn away.
“Oh, what is an accordion again?”
naturally responds with the movement of how one plays an accordion
“I didn’t ask how to play it, I asked what it was”
It was a grave situation.
They usually opened for The Doors.
He walks into the room and sees his grandfather asleep, so he sits on a chair. There is a bowl of peanuts nearby, so he starts eating them.
After some time, the grandfather wakes up. The man says, "Sorry. I ate all the peanuts."
The grandfather replies, "That's alright. Once I have sucked all the chocolate from them, I don't care for them anymore."
...and a lifetime ban from the zoo
It was groundbreaking discovery for our family
He had a heart attack and fell off the watchtower.
I replied, "They were what he said before he died."
Great man, terrible cabinet maker.
His best friend, Roy, was known around town for having an adventurous streak that a small town just couldn't satisfy. Roy yearned to travel the world, to rub shoulders with the well-to-do, and to squeeze every drop of excitement he could out of life. While most young folk in town, my grandpa included, were resigned to their lot, Roy was driven by his dream. He worked incredibly hard, taking every hired-hand and handy-man job he could find. He would walk five miles each way to clean a gutter if there was a nickel to be made. His hometown was always spotless, because Roy would pick up every glass bottle he saw to get the deposit back, and every can he found would get turned in for recycling.
The years stretched on. Grandpa settled down with his high school sweetheart in a one-room cottage and had my dad, and not much else. Roy kept hurrying from one job to the next, never spending a dime on a date. Everyone would just roll their eyes and quietly gossip about how poor Roy's obsession was robbing him of a real life.
One day, Roy showed up at Grandpa's house, all decked out in a brand new khaki safari kit, complete with helmet, binoculars, and elephant gun, and announced that he had finally saved up enough for passage to Africa to go big game hunting. He was especially proud of the fine leather boots he was sporting. "Indestructable" he called them, totally impenetrable to water, wind, and snow. No trench-foot for him while he tracked rhinos on the savannah!
Grandpa congratulated Roy on his achievement and wished him bon voyage. Over the next three months, the town felt Roy's absence. Litter lay where it fell, gutters overflowed in heavy rain, small-time farmers rose that bit earlier and bedded that bit later to cover the work Roy used to help with. Of course, the gossipers just turned their chat from how Roy needed a dose of reality to how thoughtless it was of him to just up and leave. Most folks were convinced Roy was gone for good. After all, how could he come back from such a high-falutin' adventure to his tiny, no-account hometown?
But return Roy did, and everyone crowded around at the bar to hear his account of his safari. To their surprise, Roy told them that, for all the time he had been away, he only bagged one trophy that was currently on a slow boat back. It turned out, once Roy got a close-up look at the elephants, rhinos, giraffes, gazelles, and all the fine animals of the African savannah, he lost all heart for hunting. He just couldn't imagi
... keep reading on reddit ➡He was a man of few turds.
A few steps above a General, I think. He was a Specific
Look, grandpa! No hands!
“No ballroom.”
Need a hand ?
I hope everyone likes my yuleogy.
I said, “Who is this guy?”
My grandfather: That’s my hip replacement.
G : what type of apples grow on trees ?
my dumbass : idk red and green ?
G : all of them do
wheezes
When the clockmaker arrives he pulls out his tool bag and spreads it out across a table. He shines a flash at the face of the clock and says “Ve have vays of making you tock”
…it was a grave mistake.
"I wonder how far I can kick that bucket."
He owes me big time
He drinks straight from the bottle.
Not yelling and screaming like the passengers on his bus.
Until my mother took the urn from me...
Unlike his passenges, who died screaming.
Not screaming like his passengers.
Until my mother took the urn from me.
Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
And a life time ban from the local zoo
Now he’s a great grandfather
Not panicking like his passengers
Not terrified and screaming like the passengers in his car.
