But math puns make me number.
But none of them work
but the one about the kleptomaniac baker really takes the cake.
From an email my cousin sent me:
I wanted to be a monk but I never got the chants.
I was kidnapped by mimes, they did unspeakable things to me.
The finest shoes are made of smooth leather, my opinion will never be suede.
A perfectionist walked into a bar - apparently it wasn't set high enough.
Man injured in bizarre peek-a-boo accident! He's in ICU.
Went to this horrible bar called "The Fiddle" ... it really was a vile inn.
To the thief who stole my glasses, I will find you - I have contacts.
If any of you knows how to fix hinges my door is always open.
Police car loses wheels to thief! Cops are working tirelessly to nab suspect.
Cold? Go stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees.
If your guy doesn't appreciate fresh fruit puns let that mango.
A few puns make me numb but math puns make me number.
My friend was explaining electricity and I was like "Watt"?
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me, I was like "What the hellman?"
Where did the Terminator find toilet paper? Aisle B, back.
Due to the quarantine I'll only be doing inside jokes.
Hi, I'm the president of a high school club called future investors and I need a few puns to accompany an advertisement on facebook/instagram.
Here it is: "Invest your time into something meaningful.. like FUTURE INVESTORS! I promise that you won't be a-loan, as you'll form a lot of bonds (and hopefully have a high ROI) by joining! Don't be a laughing stock and come to our first meeting on 9/19"
Hey everyone! First day on Reddit and would love to make a good start. Here are a few puns to cheer up your day :
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast
When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland.
What's the worst thing about throwing a party in space? You have to Planet.
To write with a broken pencil ,is pointless.
A frog robbed a bank. It was the first time it Kermited a crime.
I used to have a fear of hurdles ,but I got over it.
There you go everyone! Hope you all enjoyed it and if at all cheered your day up! Feel free to leave some feedback :)
Cheers
- KingAaronCOC
So in a few days I'm supposed to get an ultrasound on my heart and I want to lighten up the mood a little by making a few puns about the situation. Can you all help me with some real clever ones? Anything about shortness of breath and heart problems would be amazing :)
I have a presentation in a few days about abalone data for university, and I'm hoping to sneak a few puns into there if I can.
It certainly takes the Edge off them.
Sadly, our captain doesn't want our armoured vehicles to look trendier.
“You just haven’t been cutting it lately.”
I thought they were usually ram packed
Because what he made was stolen!
Manny Quinn
then it behooves you to become a centaur.
It was all legal tender
He should have told a udder joke
A very angry IRS agent called me and threatened me with serious fines and jail time for committing tax fraud.
I guess they take money laundering very seriously....
The baby was inapparent
As we were leaving, wife says "Gee, they have a lot of feral cats." I said "Surprised they don't have a lot of feral rabbits." HUH? Because of all the hops they use!
It's a hostal takeover.
Especially since our founding fathers made it a point to guarantee us the right to bare arms
Because cottage cheese is common, but not skyscraper cheese
It's because they dilate.
because the post office is Mail dominated...
.. I always have a few twix up my sleeve.
It’s just a curd to me.
He lives just a stone throw away.
This is the Weigh.
It sucks.
Ahh. I get it. It’s a viscous cycle.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 15 feet? But most only have four.
One of them said "Thailand"
Comment below if you’d like to see photos of my faux toes.
He makes a bundle!
And the guy says “how many tattoos I have now”
it takes guts.
I said, they absolutely have space- he’s only 20 inches and 6 lbs. [holding my hands up showing how small he is].
Because he was always a blinkin'
But math puns make me number
