Eats too inn the mourning end eye veal lyke ass leap
I told him, "It's a tie, dad"
You will be mist.
"Oh you got that blue drank? ........it's a hip hop joke"
My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
It gives me something to dew.
I give credit where credit is dew.
Well, I guess we’ll just have to make dew!
My friend once told me she watched Regular Show all the time. I said, "I guess you could say you watch it regularly." We are not friends anymore. (True Story)
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning… But I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow!
Looks tasty. Gimme a pizza that.
Why do eggs hate jokes? The answers always crack them up!
What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? "Hey, close the door! I'm dressing!"
Somebody stole all my lamps…. And I couldn't be more de-lighted!
I once met a pig that did karate… We called him Pork Chop!
Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!
(Source For All Puns Except The First) https://bestlifeonline.com/bad-funny-puns/
I hadn’t the foggiest idea what I mist.
I’m headed to a Halloween mashup party this weekend and I need a costume - think “Eggs and Hamlet” or “Brokeback Mountain Dew” or “Zom-bee” - I felt like the reddit pun world might be able to hook me up - any suggestions?
Honey dew you love me?
I love you berry much
I think we are a good pear.
Ohh berry sweet! Grape puns!
I don’t earn much, but I make dew.
Me: “Dad, did you get a hair cut?”
Dad: “No son, I got them all cut”
Anyone else have this happen every single time you notice your dads new hair dew? 😂😂
Grapes suck man, I mean potatoes they're appealing ;) and can even grow back even after being smashed ;) out drunk, but grapes they just get drunk and wine and wine and wine ;), oh and corn, god who needs corn, they just party but pop off ;) for no reason, they say after its waters temper ;) but... well I guess water is not good either, they get angry and just boil ;) over... oh and I heard some news about tomatoes they had an affair with cherries ;), I heard that tomatoes wife is gonna get revenge by dewing grass ;), but I can only say one thing the plant party was wild last night.
Water you dewing?
because of all of their dews and responsibilities.
Dad: It makes dew
I always give credit where it's dew.
It was a fawn dew party.
I think it is dew.
(/r/jokes kicked me over here with my humble offering)
Because they can't elope.
Why did they want to get married?
Because that honey was dew!
So my wife went in to the local convenience store to get us slushies, I asked for a red one. Here was our conversation when she came out.
Her: I got you Mountain Dew because the red wasn't ready.
Me: So was it bluey?
Me: staring at her with a shit eating grin
Her: Yeah I get it.
It can make dew with just water
We eventually got to the gibbon exhibit where my son noticed one of them hanging off the cage, grunting and pooping.
Son: Oh jeez, Dad look at that.
Me: He's gibbon it all he's got.
To which my sister about choked on her mountain dew