No more moisture
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πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin, to draw out excess moisture....

WOW....I'm cured.

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
When the moisture from the sky stops falling

It really stops waning

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?

A leek.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TinyHandRacoonMan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?

A humi-ditty.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
The ladybug has the second highest moisture content

But there's one bug that's weta

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/denob
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Desi wants to add moisture to his shoebox, but

Desiccant.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gocards2579
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2018
🚨︎ report
If you want a job in the moisturizer industry...

...the best advice I can give is apply daily.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedCakesYT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do matadors use to keep their skin moisturized after a bullfight?

Oil of OlΓ©

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goat_chortle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer ?

One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Moisturize the air!

As fast as humidly possible.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cross_beaux
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Old spice moisturizer with shea butter body wash.
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xo1opossum
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.

So I called in slick for work today.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I accidentally used too much of my wife’s moisturizer while getting ready for work.

Now I might have to call in slick.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Had to explain to my wife that she was using the wrong moisturizer.

My wife was applying some Oilatum moisturizing cream to her face after her bath. I told her she was using the wrong cream, the stuff she was using is for her stomach. It says so right in the product name. Oil-a-Tum.

She was not impressed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/voncasec
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is Pavlov’s hair so soft?

He conditions it.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KaamosMajere
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What's a Mexican Mariachi band's favorite moisturizer?

Olay!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FascinatedBox
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I have the best skin care routine

It’s not good enough to bring you to tears, but it’ll certainly moisturize.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Variations on Cake by the Ocean

Having dessert in Professor Snape's class? That's
Cake by the potion

Having dessert while moisturizing your skin?
Cake by the lotion

Having dessert in limine?
Cake by the motion (mine)

Having dessert along with kinetic force?
Cake by the motion (my daughter)

Having dessert while dividing it?
Cake by the quotient

Having dessert while you blow things up?
Cake by the explosion

Having dessert while you come up with an idea?
Cake by the notion

Having dessert while watching chaos?
Cake by the commotion

Having dessert next to someone who is getting a new job? Hopefully it's
Cake by the promotion

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dedtired
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The unexpected consequences of adding your dad to Facebook.

This is the story of a dad joke gone horribly (wonderfully) awry.

Early last week, I posted a status about my morning misadventures, which involved me accidentally putting face moisturizer on my toothbrush. This morning, my father reads this and decides to comment, "That's why I keep prep h in the cupboard." But he doesn't comment on my status. He writes this on my wall, without any context at all for innocent bystanders.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SonofNeckbone
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2015
🚨︎ report
My first dad joke

My wife (changing the diaper): Aquafore? Me: It's a moisturizing ointment for diapers, but that's not important right now.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/f00f_nyc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2014
🚨︎ report
"Dad, I really want to work in the moisturizer industry, what should I do?"

"The best advice I can give you is to apply daily."

πŸ‘︎ 192
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you do when your eyes are dry?

Moisturize

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/squeakygg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Landing a job in the moisturizer industry is tough. My advice?

Apply daily.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Advice for those of you who want a job in the moisturizer industry:

Apply daily.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2017
🚨︎ report
If you want a job in the moisturizing business

The best advice I can give is to apply daily

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugg1102
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2016
🚨︎ report

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