Just plain old frost bite ❄️
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📅︎ May 14
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What does Jack Frost use to determine if it's cold enough to start hanging icicles?

His test-icles

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👤︎ u/steeple_fun
📅︎ May 09
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I’ve just been helping a man wearing a black robe holding a scythe get the frost off of his car

I was de-icing with death

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📅︎ Dec 02 2019
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There was a frost warming last night and I was worried about my garden.

I ended up losing everything except the iceberg lettuce.

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👤︎ u/terkoon
📅︎ May 21 2019
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When asked the time for his marriage, Jack Frost replied....

....snow time like the present.

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👤︎ u/Drondol
📅︎ Nov 30 2017
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I saw a guy this morning wearing a black cloak and scraping the frost off his windscreen with a Scythe...

I was going to offer a hand but my wife told me it's not a good idea to de-ice with death

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👤︎ u/26326312
📅︎ Oct 31 2017
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We discussed Robert Frost's "Mending Wall" today in Lit

Me: so I guess you could say he rides the fence about fences.

Classmate: and he doesn't want anyone to take offence about it.

Me: I gate what you're saying.

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👤︎ u/Zubat_Breeder
📅︎ Jan 28 2015
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With the first frost coming...

Oh no my tomatoes!

Better get out your tomasocks...

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👤︎ u/Ferreteria
📅︎ Sep 12 2014
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I got banned from /r/DadJokes for submitting, "Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms!"

Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...

👍︎ 679
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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Aug 17
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My son gets to play a frosted cinnamon biscuit in the school play!

It's a sweet role!

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Apr 14
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My frosted glass windows smashed this afternoon

It's unclear what happened

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📅︎ Feb 09
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This cake was lit (made by me)
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👤︎ u/Camping_time
📅︎ May 08
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Got these sexy frosted tips.
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👤︎ u/hippity-potato
📅︎ Mar 09 2019
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You wouldn't think you'd want a pastry frosting made out of magical trees..

But it's actually enticing!

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📅︎ Feb 26 2019
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Why didn't the husband put the frosted cake in the fridge?

It was a 'frost free' fridge.

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👤︎ u/Elfere
📅︎ Apr 13 2018
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What do you call a nordic person who never shows up on time?

A frosted flake

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👤︎ u/omegaswepon
📅︎ Apr 03
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Did you hear about the president's new favorite bakery? It's only serving treats with red, white, and blue frosting.

All the other ones were un-pastry-otic.

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👤︎ u/holymolybaby
📅︎ Aug 05 2015
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Why didn't the man put the frosted cake in the fridge?

It was a "frost" free fridge.

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👤︎ u/Elfere
📅︎ Apr 13 2017
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What do you get when you make a vampire snowman?

Frost Bite!

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👤︎ u/prendrefeu
📅︎ Dec 02 2019
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Just found out my daughter is a serial killer...

Frosted oaks specifically

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📅︎ Oct 03 2019
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What does Santa do to work off all of the cookies and milk he gets for Christmas?

FrostFit

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👤︎ u/BothHeadsBig
📅︎ Aug 18 2019
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The Cheerio story

So once upon a time, there was a planet shaped like a cheerio. A small moon made of milk or tied the planet, going through the center of the donut shaped world. On this planet, lived an interesting species. They acted and lived similarly to us humans? But looked just like large Cheerios (with footings hands and feet like miis) Within this society there were levels of Cheerios: original, honey nut, and finally frosted. The originals were the backbone of the economy, doing the herd labor while the honey nuts ran the businesses and the frosted Cheerios (the top of the top) led the world. Our story today focuses on a single Cheerio. Born into an original Cheerio family, this lad learned the hard way how to work. From a young age, he was forced to get a job in the local milk refinery, where his dad worked. He grew up, and soon had a family of his own. His wife, son, and daughter all worked hard, but were happy. One day walking home from school, the kids found a runaway honey nut Cheerio pu

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/jackcrackaman
📅︎ Apr 26 2019
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What do you call a muscular snowman?

Jacked Frost

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👤︎ u/dubeykeebler
📅︎ Dec 17 2018
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Did you hear about the vampire that bit a snowman?

He got frost bite

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👤︎ u/barwhalis
📅︎ Oct 31 2018
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What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?

Frosted tips.

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👤︎ u/N64GC
📅︎ Aug 19 2015
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A coworker brought donuts and sausage rolls for Valentines day...

... but by the time I made it to the break room, the sausage rolls were gone.

I stood there, looking at the donuts, lamenting the missed opportunity of the sausage rolls.

Another coworker overheard me, stating "Well maybe it's a good thing, ya know, maybe you're watching your weight?"

I picked up a chocolate frosted donut and took a bite. I turned to her and replied, "Yes, I am watching my weight."

"But shouldn't you not -"

"I'm watching my weight go up."

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👤︎ u/thekennanator
📅︎ Feb 14 2019
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Some quality Christmas dad jokes.

Q: Why did the mechanic sleep under the car? A: He wanted to wake up oily in the morning.

Q: What kind of cough medicine does Dracula take? A: Coffin medicine.

Q: What animals need oiling? A: Mice, because they squeak.

Q: How does Jack Frost get to work? A: By icicles.

Q: What do hedgehogs have for lunch? A: Prickled onions.

Q: What lies in a pram and wobbles? A: A jelly-baby.

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👤︎ u/14andy4
📅︎ Dec 25 2018
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I dropped my phone outside

I now have a snow mobile

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👤︎ u/Twigsnapper
📅︎ Dec 31 2017
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There are three classes of cheerios

There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arriv

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/R1pply
📅︎ Jul 31 2017
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Coworkers talking about new windows

Couple of my coworkers were talking about new windows one of them were putting in. As I'm walking to my office, I overhead them saying how the new windows are frosted and look really nice.

Me (interrupting them): Yeah, some of our windows are frosted too. But it's weird because in the winter time, they flake quite a bit for some reason.

Coworker 1: Flake? What do you mean?

Me: Yeah it's weird. My frosted window flakes all the time.

Coworker 2: OMG laughter

A few minutes pass as I grab some lunch and head back to my office.

Coworker 2: Anything else about your windows you'd like to tell us?

Me (after a brief pause): They're grrrrrrrrrrreat!

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👤︎ u/nuclfusion4
📅︎ Nov 01 2017
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The Cheerio Joke

Oh boy do I have a joke for you kids! Its called the cheerio joke.


So there is this land called cheerio land and in cheerio land there are 7 classes of cheerio, 0-5 and the frosted cheerios. Now there is this level 0 cheerio. Hes homeless, living out on the street, probaly an alchoholic. But he falls in love with a frosted cheerio princess. So one day he sneaks into the royal gala and goes up to the princess and asks her "will you marry me?" Now she says "I like your style, youre a good looking guy, a bit scruffy but I like you. Tell you what I will marry you if you can become a frosted cheerio" So our guy goes back with a determination and gets a job and starts to pay off his debts. Now by having a job and his debts paid he becomes a level 1 cheerio. So he works, and he works, and he works, and he WORKS and he finally becomes a level 2 cheerio. Now he goes back to the princess and askes her again, "will

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/t17389z
📅︎ Oct 17 2013
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What did the snowman eat for breakfast?

Frosted Flakes

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👤︎ u/mustachereviews
📅︎ Aug 22 2016
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Dad joked the guy at the gas station.

Guy was breaking the built up frost from inside the cooler. I walked up and said,

"You must not have a hard time starting conversations, huh?"

Guy - "No, not really. Why?"

Me- "You seem to be quite the icebreaker!"

Guy laughed and mentions it when I go in now.

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👤︎ u/killroy108
📅︎ Oct 25 2014
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Double scientific Dad Joke

I was in my Organic Chemistry class and we were talking about something called Frost's Circle My teacher asked why this is important and I said "Because it's cool" Groans everywhere. So I said "Well look at his diagram, there's no way around it." Double groans

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👤︎ u/tdkreturns
📅︎ Jan 28 2015
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Recently made note of my first dad joke

My wife was in the kitchen and spilled chocolate frosting on the sink.

I looked over in disgust.

"This is why we can't have nice sinks. "

She lost her shit.

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👤︎ u/WheresHankins
📅︎ Mar 16 2014
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My dad loves Christmas carols.

Every year on Christmas we'll have Nat King Cole playing through the house and eventually "The Christmas Song" comes on. Without fail, Dad belts...

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Jack Frost nosing at your nips."

Every year.

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👤︎ u/PerkinsKebab
📅︎ Dec 28 2013
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Dadjoked my nieces ...

My twin nieces' birthdays are today. Last night, one of them was licking the bowl of frosting.

"You like that ice in the bowl, don't you?"

"It's not ice ... it's ICING!"

"You sing? Well, I sing too!" begin singing the Smurf song

My niece did a facepalm that would make any dad proud. :)

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👤︎ u/jlking3
📅︎ Dec 21 2013
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Cheat sheet for Dads on Halloween

What is a Vampire favorite fruit?

  • Neckterines

What kind of dogs do Vampires like best?

  • Blood hounds

How does a ghost cry?

  • Boo Hoo

What does a skeleton always say before he eats?

  • Bone Appetite

What kind of key should you always take to a haunted house?

  • Skeleton Key

Why do Vampires need mouthwash?

  • Because they have bat breath

What kinds of street do Zombies like?

  • Dead ends.

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?

  • Frost Bite

What did the black cat call the mouse on roller skates?

  • Meals on wheels

What does a vampire never at a restaurant?

  • A stake sandwich

What is it like to be kissed by a vampire?

  • It's a pain in the neck.

Why did the witch stand in front of the podium?

  • To give a Screech

What does a ghosts have for dessert?

  • I-Scream

What is a skeletons favorite instrument?

  • A trombone

What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?

  • A Lab

Be honest, how many did you get? What is your dad score?

EDIT: can't get spoiler

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/Gnolaum
📅︎ Oct 31 2014
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My wife was in it today.

My niece made a gingerbread house yesterday, and my mom got drunk and accidentally broke it last night. Me, my dad and my wife were rebuilding it just now. My wife his holding up a couple walls while my dad is applying the frosting to hold them together.

Dad: how you doing Katie? Wife: fine, I'm holding up....

Pretty good wife, pretty good.

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👤︎ u/Seethesvt
📅︎ Nov 26 2015
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Dad had a joke ready for the upcoming snow storm

My dad and I were driving when he abruptly stopped the story he was telling to tell this joke:

"What do snowmen eat for breakfast?"

"Uh, I don't know dad."

"Frosted Flakes!"

Laughter was forced.

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👤︎ u/zorgtron
📅︎ Mar 25 2014
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Just gave this one to my daughter...

Her: "Is that frost, or snow, outside?"

Me: "It's Frosty Notsnowman"

groan

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👤︎ u/LippencottElvis
📅︎ Jan 14 2014
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Wendy's defrosty

My gf and I are getting food at Wendy's. She got a sandwich and I only got a frosty. I forget to eat my frosty. She goes "are you going to eat it or are you going to wait for it to be de-frosted?" Queue groans and random laughter throughout the meal. She'll be a great dad someday.

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👤︎ u/originaloedipus
📅︎ May 12 2014
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I need some knee puns please

My dad had knee surgery yesterday And my wife made some cookies, she wants to write some witty knee jokes on them with frosting and we "kneed" your help! Thank you in advance all your beautiful people !

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👤︎ u/JKRHP
📅︎ Dec 18 2019
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