I was de-icing with death
I ended up losing everything except the iceberg lettuce.
....snow time like the present.
I was going to offer a hand but my wife told me it's not a good idea to de-ice with death
Me: so I guess you could say he rides the fence about fences.
Classmate: and he doesn't want anyone to take offence about it.
Me: I gate what you're saying.
Oh no my tomatoes!
Better get out your tomasocks...
Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...
It's a sweet role!
It's unclear what happened
But it's actually enticing!
It was a 'frost free' fridge.
A frosted flake
All the other ones were un-pastry-otic.
It was a "frost" free fridge.
Frosted oaks specifically
So once upon a time, there was a planet shaped like a cheerio. A small moon made of milk or tied the planet, going through the center of the donut shaped world. On this planet, lived an interesting species. They acted and lived similarly to us humans? But looked just like large Cheerios (with footings hands and feet like miis) Within this society there were levels of Cheerios: original, honey nut, and finally frosted. The originals were the backbone of the economy, doing the herd labor while the honey nuts ran the businesses and the frosted Cheerios (the top of the top) led the world. Our story today focuses on a single Cheerio. Born into an original Cheerio family, this lad learned the hard way how to work. From a young age, he was forced to get a job in the local milk refinery, where his dad worked. He grew up, and soon had a family of his own. His wife, son, and daughter all worked hard, but were happy. One day walking home from school, the kids found a runaway honey nut Cheerio pu... keep reading on reddit ➡
He got frost bite
... but by the time I made it to the break room, the sausage rolls were gone.
I stood there, looking at the donuts, lamenting the missed opportunity of the sausage rolls.
Another coworker overheard me, stating "Well maybe it's a good thing, ya know, maybe you're watching your weight?"
I picked up a chocolate frosted donut and took a bite. I turned to her and replied, "Yes, I am watching my weight."
"But shouldn't you not -"
"I'm watching my weight go up."
Q: Why did the mechanic sleep under the car? A: He wanted to wake up oily in the morning.
Q: What kind of cough medicine does Dracula take? A: Coffin medicine.
Q: What animals need oiling? A: Mice, because they squeak.
Q: How does Jack Frost get to work? A: By icicles.
Q: What do hedgehogs have for lunch? A: Prickled onions.
Q: What lies in a pram and wobbles? A: A jelly-baby.
There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arriv... keep reading on reddit ➡
Couple of my coworkers were talking about new windows one of them were putting in. As I'm walking to my office, I overhead them saying how the new windows are frosted and look really nice.
Me (interrupting them): Yeah, some of our windows are frosted too. But it's weird because in the winter time, they flake quite a bit for some reason.
Coworker 1: Flake? What do you mean?
Me: Yeah it's weird. My frosted window flakes all the time.
Coworker 2: OMG laughter
A few minutes pass as I grab some lunch and head back to my office.
Coworker 2: Anything else about your windows you'd like to tell us?
Me (after a brief pause): They're grrrrrrrrrrreat!
So there is this land called cheerio land and in cheerio land there are 7 classes of cheerio, 0-5 and the frosted cheerios. Now there is this level 0 cheerio. Hes homeless, living out on the street, probaly an alchoholic. But he falls in love with a frosted cheerio princess. So one day he sneaks into the royal gala and goes up to the princess and asks her "will you marry me?" Now she says "I like your style, youre a good looking guy, a bit scruffy but I like you. Tell you what I will marry you if you can become a frosted cheerio" So our guy goes back with a determination and gets a job and starts to pay off his debts. Now by having a job and his debts paid he becomes a level 1 cheerio. So he works, and he works, and he works, and he WORKS and he finally becomes a level 2 cheerio. Now he goes back to the princess and askes her again, "will... keep reading on reddit ➡
Guy was breaking the built up frost from inside the cooler. I walked up and said,
"You must not have a hard time starting conversations, huh?"
Guy - "No, not really. Why?"
Me- "You seem to be quite the icebreaker!"
Guy laughed and mentions it when I go in now.
I was in my Organic Chemistry class and we were talking about something called Frost's Circle My teacher asked why this is important and I said "Because it's cool" Groans everywhere. So I said "Well look at his diagram, there's no way around it." Double groans
My wife was in the kitchen and spilled chocolate frosting on the sink.
I looked over in disgust.
"This is why we can't have nice sinks. "
She lost her shit.
Every year on Christmas we'll have Nat King Cole playing through the house and eventually "The Christmas Song" comes on. Without fail, Dad belts...
"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Jack Frost nosing at your nips."
My twin nieces' birthdays are today. Last night, one of them was licking the bowl of frosting.
"You like that ice in the bowl, don't you?"
"It's not ice ... it's ICING!"
"You sing? Well, I sing too!" begin singing the Smurf song
My niece did a facepalm that would make any dad proud. :)
What is a Vampire favorite fruit?
What kind of dogs do Vampires like best?
How does a ghost cry?
What does a skeleton always say before he eats?
What kind of key should you always take to a haunted house?
Why do Vampires need mouthwash?
What kinds of street do Zombies like?
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
What did the black cat call the mouse on roller skates?
What does a vampire never at a restaurant?
What is it like to be kissed by a vampire?
Why did the witch stand in front of the podium?
What does a ghosts have for dessert?
What is a skeletons favorite instrument?
What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?
Be honest, how many did you get? What is your dad score?
EDIT: can't get spoiler... keep reading on reddit ➡
My niece made a gingerbread house yesterday, and my mom got drunk and accidentally broke it last night. Me, my dad and my wife were rebuilding it just now. My wife his holding up a couple walls while my dad is applying the frosting to hold them together.
Dad: how you doing Katie? Wife: fine, I'm holding up....
Pretty good wife, pretty good.
My dad and I were driving when he abruptly stopped the story he was telling to tell this joke:
"What do snowmen eat for breakfast?"
"Uh, I don't know dad."
Laughter was forced.
Her: "Is that frost, or snow, outside?"
Me: "It's Frosty Notsnowman"
My gf and I are getting food at Wendy's. She got a sandwich and I only got a frosty. I forget to eat my frosty. She goes "are you going to eat it or are you going to wait for it to be de-frosted?" Queue groans and random laughter throughout the meal. She'll be a great dad someday.