Why did my computer screen freeze

Cause it didn’t have a thick enough coat

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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I had to freeze my accounts today.
πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yehyajb9
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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Why did Mr. Freeze want to join the Justice League?

He thought it was the Just-Ice League!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/El_Pollo_Diablo77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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What do you call water that’s impossible to freeze?

Noticeable.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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Batman has always had a soft spot for Mr. Freeze.

He thought he looked cool.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ikswobarg7
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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Cook or freeze by 2660 BCE
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmrtnt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
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How do you make Anti-Freeze

You take away her blanket

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/El_Nino1319
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
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Why would it be terrible to date Mr. Freeze?

Literally the only thing he ever wants to do is Netflix and Chill

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rayned0wn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2017
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A campsite was forced to freeze its operations for a whole day when a spiteful customer paid his entire expenses in 5 cent coins.

The campsite reports that it is the first time that they've encountered such a tent nickel difficulty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
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What does a Jedi do when the app freezes?

He force-stops it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/THEVAN3D
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
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How bad was Mr. Freeze in Batman and Robin?

Well, he put the entire franchise on ice.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/urbestfriend9000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
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Mom joke courtesy of my fiancΓ©'s mother: how do you make anti-freeze?

Take away her blanket.

I may have laughed a bit too hard

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mandino788
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
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A German tourist jumped off to the freezing water to save my precious dog who was drowning.

After he climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog, dry him off and he vill be fine." I said, "Are you a vet?" To which he replied, annoyed; "Vet? I'm fucking zoaking."

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/im_not_geih
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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My Mexican Uncle Rito came to visit recently and said its freezing here.

I guess you can call him Burrrrr-rito

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmar4234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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A man jumped into the freezing river in Paris...

Eyewitness say, the man was in-Seine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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I have started freezing different objects at -273.15Β°c and blowing them up. Seeing with items reacted differently.

I call it the 0k boomer experiment.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, β€œhere is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, β€œare you a vet?”

He said, β€œvet? I’m fucking soaking”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rohanlahiri05
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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Is it o.k. to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school...

....or, am I a really bad teacher ?

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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I dropped the perfect terrible pun at work last winter...

So there were 6 of us...

With freezing rain pouring down on us at the end of a long work day, and in the middle of a daunting task- pulling underground cables, linking four transformers together (a task where something goes wrong about 50% of the time)

There is a jet line (pulling line) attached to the head of the cable being ran, and as we are nearing completion I hear my foreman (standing at the endpoint) yell "THE JET LINE IS FRAYING!!!".

Without pause I scream back "I was a FRAYED this would happen!"

The tension on the line ceases, and I look around and see 5 blank expressions just staring back at me.

Best day of my comedic life

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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Maths is fun. It teaches you life and death info...

Like, when you're freezing, go and stand in a corner. It's 90 degrees there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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What did the scientists say while freezing at absolute zero?

This is 0K

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoonBaboon_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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Son complains about his game freezing.

Father says, β€œthaw it out, kiddo”.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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Have you ever tried freezing lava?

It's super hard

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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Does freezing a donkey solid

make a hard ass?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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Americans love frozen fruit so much, they wrote it into the constitution...

The 1st amendment is the right to freeze peach.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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My dog jumped into some freezing water. A random German tourist jumped in to save him. He told me "Here is ze dog. keep him varm and he vill be just fine". I asked if he was a vet.

"Vet? I'm fucking soaked!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nakedurlrobot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
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You know what really makes my blood boil?

The vacuum of space.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaCaton
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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A german tourist jumped into a freezing lake to save someone’s dog...

He told the owner β€œkeep him warm and he vill be fine” the owner asked β€œare you a vet?” The German replied β€œvet? I’m soaking!”

EDIT: Some people feel like I need to make it clear this is not my joke so... it’s not my joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mynameisj3sus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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How to you make holy water?

Freeze it and drill the hell out of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrostlessIce
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain...

but it hurt like hail.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pgtart
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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It’s weird how direct sunlight heats up my car while the air outside is well below freezing.

The sun must be some kind of space heater.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/00Steven_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Wonder no more !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualisticbird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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My Dad grows herbs as a hobby.

He has way too much Thyme on his hands.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oheligud
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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My office is FREEZING today! There's a cold giraffe coming in the window.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zievo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
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Left the PC on all night, when I woke up it was freezing

Turns out I left all the Windows open

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theferrolgamer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
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Batman
πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
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I was freezing

So I stood in a corner. It was 90 degrees.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epicface227
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2017
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dinosaur pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wrongsphere
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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Chance of getting the job? Absolute zero.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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What did the guy standing in the freezing cold waiting on a ride say?

Ooh brr.

(I literally made this joke up tonight and I'm a Dad)

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2016
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It's freezing in Chicago at -7F

But it's still the hottest day of the year

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πŸ‘€︎ u/987asdfH
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
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My mom just dad-joked me in the freezing cold

I live in East Tennessee and it's freezing. Mom was giving me some money for gas. She called it cold hard cash and died laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ColeELTH
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
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LPT: If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, quietly slip them under the refrigerator.

Soon it will be water under the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
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