Cause it didn’t have a thick enough coat
He thought it was the Just-Ice League!
I guess I won’t be going undercover again.
He thought he looked cool.
You take away her blanket
He force-stops it.
Literally the only thing he ever wants to do is Netflix and Chill
The campsite reports that it is the first time that they've encountered such a tent nickel difficulty.
Well, he put the entire franchise on ice.
Take away her blanket.
I may have laughed a bit too hard
I call it the 0k boomer experiment.
He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”
Father says, “thaw it out, kiddo”.
The vacuum of space.
It's super hard
This is 0K
He has way too much Thyme on his hands.
"Vet? I'm fucking soaked!"
but it hurt like hail.
The sun must be some kind of space heater.
He told the owner “keep him warm and he vill be fine” the owner asked “are you a vet?” The German replied “vet? I’m soaking!”
EDIT: Some people feel like I need to make it clear this is not my joke so... it’s not my joke.
The son looks up at his dad and says, "Hey, dad? Am I a 100% polar bear?"
The dad says, "Yes, son."
A few minutes go by and the son again asks, "You sure? Like all the way?"
The dad gets annoyed and says, "Yes, 100%. Your mothers a polar bear, I'm a polar bear, so you're a polar bear. Why do you keep asking?!"
The son responds, "Cause I'm frickin freezing!"
When the police kicked in my door they yelled: FREEZE!
You boil the hell out of it.
You freeze him!
I mean, Look at the poor fella freezing out there.
Turns out I left all the Windows open
Well your mothers feet are always freezing and she sticks them on mine when in bed because mine are alway burning up.
I guess you could say we are solemates.
I'm sick and tired of this shit.
So I stood in a corner. It was 90 degrees.
But it's still the hottest day of the year
Soon it will be water under the fridge.
(I literally made this joke up tonight and I'm a Dad)
I live in East Tennessee and it's freezing. Mom was giving me some money for gas. She called it cold hard cash and died laughing.
The Rock is my opponent.
I'm udderly freezing!
I told her she only needed to go to any corner of the house... They're all 90 degrees!
I respond "it's because you're eating iceberg lettuce!"
By freezing it and drilling holes in it!!
Freeze, you're under abreast!
My four year old was watching a Disney movie while I was in the kitchen. The app we use for Disney on the tv is horribly unreliable (Disney life on amazon firestick), randomly freezing or restarting whatever we're watching.
Anyway, I'm scoffing a cake I don't want her to have when I hear a shout.
"Daddy, the film is frozen."
I go through, look at the TV and tell her "No it's not, that's Moana."
I think it's the first time she's both gotten one of my jokes and appreciated how crap it is. Her eye roll and "ugh" brought a tear to my eye.
Me: Actually, mine feels quite warm.
They told me to freeze
because it's 90 degrees there
Because it wasn’t cool enough yet
He was 0K
Because he left his windows open
How many degrees does Earth's temp need to rise in order for my wife's feet to not be freezing cold all the time?
Will be the day hell freezes over
"So it'll freeze the shit out of you."
"Here I sit all brokenhearted: tried to shit and only farted."
Son:Dad its freezing in here Dad: Go stand in the corner Son:Why Dad: its 90°
Me: I'm taking a college class about what it's like 32 degrees below the freezing point of water.
My friend: Cool, do you mind telling me what it's called?
Me: 0F course.
If I got any cooler, I would freeze to death.
I asked what it was for, he shrugged and said "I don't know. Think it's a cold caller."
Today I was dad-joked by my 2 year old daughter. In our usual half conversation /half Monologue I said 'I'm freezing' and she replied 'hi freezing'. I'm raising such a dry witted little butt bag.
We're freezing our axis off.
It truly amazes me how they stay in business when it's always freezing there
We call her auntie-freeze.
After the commencement ceremony was over, we walk out and I say,
Me: "Man, it was getting toasty in there!"
SO's Dad: "What? That stadium was freezing! "
Me: "I thought it was hot! There must have been 500 degrees in there!"
I got headshakes from her sister and her mom, and a "Hey! I'm totally using that!" from her dad. I think I'm in!
We were watching Harry Potter, and when he dive in the frozen lake to fetch the sword, I said something along "Wake up Hermione, you moron, you're going to freeze to death !".
My daughter then said "He's gonna die from Harrypottermia !"
I was so proud !
I then beat the little shit to death for doing a dad joke before me. That'll show her.
Mods : Sorry if this does not fit the sub.
After building a snowman yesterday:
Nephew: "Look grandpa, the snowman is still there!"
My dad: "Yeah but he's probably freezing."
and today, we were playing a game of "Yes, Let's!" If you're unfamiliar, that's a group improv exercise where one person says "Let's do a thing!" and everybody else replies "Yes, let's!" and then proceeds to act out the scene. After acting out said scene, somebody freezes, then everybody freezes, and then someone else starts one.
In this case, it was "Let's go to a Michael Jackson tribute concert!" Now, we'd just been coached to assume distinct roles in an attempt to construct a coherent narrative, and so I, as an awkward, scrawny, blond white man, slipped effortlessly into the role of a shitty Michael Jackson impersonator. And I must have been doing something right, because the rest of the group quickly formed a scene as the audience, security, and crew, and stupidity ensued as I sucked at being Michael Jackson for all I was worth.
A few people started heckling, and then one of the audience members barged past security and mimed punching me in the head, whereupon I dramatically spun... keep reading on reddit ➡
My Ecology professor was talking about Iguanas that freeze and fall from trees. So I raised my hand in a class of 150 people and said "I don't believe you, Iguana see it!
My classroom has air conditioning, but it only kicks in on warm days like today. When my fifth graders came in this morning, a couple immediately started complaining. "It's freezing in here!"
I had been waiting for this opportunity all year! I pointed to the corner of the room. "Well, if you're cold, you can go stand over there. The corner is 90º!"
The best part was the chorus of incredulous students shouting "really?!" who then went over to investigate. It wasn't until they pointed out that the temperature was same over there that they realized they had been duped.
"I think it's winter down there, you guys are freezing all the time!"
First post in puns. Said this awesome thing, wanted to share. We were in Chemistry class, a notoriously freezing room.
I said "man, it feels like your ice chest in here!"
She said "my ice chest?"
I said "yeah, you have a nice chest!"
And she looked at me like I just said a terrible pun. In reality the pun was awesome.
It's been really cold in my neck of the world lately. Today a coworker came into the office and said, "I'm freezing."
My other coworker replies, "You're just going through a phase."
I'm not entirely sure it's a dad joke (it wasn't "Hi freezing, I'm [name]"), and maybe it's only hilarious to us because we're chemists, but I thought this subreddit might enjoy this.
I was visibly uncomfortable as a buzzing, stingy creature kept flying around my head.
Dad: It's not a hornet or a wasp, just let it bee.
His dad says yes.
"And you and momma? Are you both purebred polar bears?"
"Of course, son. If you're purebred, we would have to be."
"What about your parents? Were they purebred polar bears?"
"Yes, son. This is what I'm trying to tell you."
"What about mom's parents? Were they purebred polar bears?"
"Son, they have to be. Look, you're a purebred polar bear, we're all purebred polar bears, okay? Why do you keep asking if you're a purebred polar bear?!"
"Because I'm freezing!"
Puns are my thing at Disney, and when the ride would stop working, I would say over the PA system "I'm sorry everybody, but our ride is Frozen at the moment. I know it's a bit of a fixer upper, but Elsa's giving us the cold shoulder right now, she's really freezing us out. (Or Olaf lost his cool and is having a melt down) Once we can have true love thaw out a Frozen ride, well be back up and running!
Setup: It's 74 degrees outside and about to freeze by the weekend.
Me: It's like summer outside and it's going to freeze in a few days. It's like the world is bipolar.
Wife: MASSIVE FACEPALM