Why did my computer screen freeze

Cause it didn’t have a thick enough coat

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
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I had to freeze my accounts today.
πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yehyajb9
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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Why did Mr. Freeze want to join the Justice League?

He thought it was the Just-Ice League!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/El_Pollo_Diablo77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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What do you call water that’s impossible to freeze?

Noticeable.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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My wife kicked me in the face when I told her: Police! Freeze!

I guess I won’t be going undercover again.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vapingpigeon94
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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Batman has always had a soft spot for Mr. Freeze.

He thought he looked cool.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ikswobarg7
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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Cook or freeze by 2660 BCE
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmrtnt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
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How do you make Anti-Freeze

You take away her blanket

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/El_Nino1319
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
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What does a Jedi do when the app freezes?

He force-stops it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/THEVAN3D
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
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Why would it be terrible to date Mr. Freeze?

Literally the only thing he ever wants to do is Netflix and Chill

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rayned0wn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2017
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A campsite was forced to freeze its operations for a whole day when a spiteful customer paid his entire expenses in 5 cent coins.

The campsite reports that it is the first time that they've encountered such a tent nickel difficulty.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
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How bad was Mr. Freeze in Batman and Robin?

Well, he put the entire franchise on ice.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/urbestfriend9000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
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Mom joke courtesy of my fiancΓ©'s mother: how do you make anti-freeze?

Take away her blanket.

I may have laughed a bit too hard

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mandino788
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
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I have started freezing different objects at -273.15Β°c and blowing them up. Seeing with items reacted differently.

I call it the 0k boomer experiment.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
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A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, β€œhere is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, β€œare you a vet?”

He said, β€œvet? I’m fucking soaking”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rohanlahiri05
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
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Son complains about his game freezing.

Father says, β€œthaw it out, kiddo”.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
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You know what really makes my blood boil?

The vacuum of space.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaCaton
πŸ“…︎ May 24
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Have you ever tried freezing lava?

It's super hard

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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What did the scientists say while freezing at absolute zero?

This is 0K

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoonBaboon_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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Does freezing a donkey solid

make a hard ass?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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My Dad grows herbs as a hobby.

He has way too much Thyme on his hands.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oheligud
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
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My dog jumped into some freezing water. A random German tourist jumped in to save him. He told me "Here is ze dog. keep him varm and he vill be just fine". I asked if he was a vet.

"Vet? I'm fucking soaked!"

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nakedurlrobot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
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I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain...

but it hurt like hail.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pgtart
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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It’s weird how direct sunlight heats up my car while the air outside is well below freezing.

The sun must be some kind of space heater.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/00Steven_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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A german tourist jumped into a freezing lake to save someone’s dog...

He told the owner β€œkeep him warm and he vill be fine” the owner asked β€œare you a vet?” The German replied β€œvet? I’m soaking!”

EDIT: Some people feel like I need to make it clear this is not my joke so... it’s not my joke.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mynameisj3sus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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dinosaur pun
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wrongsphere
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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A polar bear and his son are sitting on the ice

The son looks up at his dad and says, "Hey, dad? Am I a 100% polar bear?"

The dad says, "Yes, son."

A few minutes go by and the son again asks, "You sure? Like all the way?"

The dad gets annoyed and says, "Yes, 100%. Your mothers a polar bear, I'm a polar bear, so you're a polar bear. Why do you keep asking?!"

The son responds, "Cause I'm frickin freezing!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/byebyefetus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
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I stole and tried to melt an ice sculpture

When the police kicked in my door they yelled: FREEZE!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/g0lden3agle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
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How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LongShlock
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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How do you turn a mean drunk into a nice drunk?

You freeze him!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
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The no smoking with a child in the car law is rediculous.

I mean, Look at the poor fella freezing out there.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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My office is FREEZING today! There's a cold giraffe coming in the window.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zievo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
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Left the PC on all night, when I woke up it was freezing

Turns out I left all the Windows open

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theferrolgamer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
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Batman
πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
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Chance of getting the job? Absolute zero.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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Dad, how did you know mom was the one?

Well your mothers feet are always freezing and she sticks them on mine when in bed because mine are alway burning up.

I guess you could say we are solemates.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tpinkfloyd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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What does a person with diarrhoea say?

I'm sick and tired of this shit.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SamSike2K2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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I was freezing

So I stood in a corner. It was 90 degrees.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epicface227
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2017
🚨︎ report
It's freezing in Chicago at -7F

But it's still the hottest day of the year

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/987asdfH
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
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LPT: If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, quietly slip them under the refrigerator.

Soon it will be water under the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the guy standing in the freezing cold waiting on a ride say?

Ooh brr.

(I literally made this joke up tonight and I'm a Dad)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2016
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My mom just dad-joked me in the freezing cold

I live in East Tennessee and it's freezing. Mom was giving me some money for gas. She called it cold hard cash and died laughing.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ColeELTH
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
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I prefer cold weather, but only to a certain degree
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/x7ramjet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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I always bring a piece of paper to a wrestling match, just in case...

The Rock is my opponent.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CentsLord
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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What does a cow say in the winter?

I'm udderly freezing!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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The wife told me she was freezing cold in our house.

I told her she only needed to go to any corner of the house... They're all 90 degrees!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mase_in_mass
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2015
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My friend was eating a salad at Chic Fil A and says "Man, my tooth is freezing"

I respond "it's because you're eating iceberg lettuce!"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaughnathon07
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
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How do u make holy water?

By freezing it and drilling holes in it!!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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A cop busts into a strip club to arrest a guy and yells...

Freeze, you're under abreast!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crowby3
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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Just got my daughter

My four year old was watching a Disney movie while I was in the kitchen. The app we use for Disney on the tv is horribly unreliable (Disney life on amazon firestick), randomly freezing or restarting whatever we're watching.

Anyway, I'm scoffing a cake I don't want her to have when I hear a shout.

"Daddy, the film is frozen."

I go through, look at the TV and tell her "No it's not, that's Moana."

I think it's the first time she's both gotten one of my jokes and appreciated how crap it is. Her eye roll and "ugh" brought a tear to my eye.

πŸ‘︎ 152
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πŸ‘€︎ u/makka-pakka
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
So, a pig had nothing to do.

He was pretty boar-ed.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gojira04YT
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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It's time for some justice.
πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phoenix_Gaming1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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Daughter: Dad is your computer freezing?

Me: Actually, mine feels quite warm.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gotabsod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2015
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The cops caught me stealing ice from the store...

They told me to freeze

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/corbanyo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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Local authorities are advising that, due to freezing temperatures, everyone huddle in the corner

because it's 90 degrees there

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoquiero
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2015
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Why did the Hipster fall through the ice?

Because it wasn’t cool enough yet

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyGuyE
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
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I have a friend that was frozen to absolute zero once...

He was 0K

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dsowders
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2017
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Why did the guys computer keep freezing?

Because he left his windows open

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jorgan92
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
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Climate change question?

How many degrees does Earth's temp need to rise in order for my wife's feet to not be freezing cold all the time?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Z6ATL
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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The day I believe in climate change

Will be the day hell freezes over

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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"Wanna hear a dirty joke? Wanna know why they make toilet seats so freezing cold?"

"So it'll freeze the shit out of you."

Also,

"Here I sit all brokenhearted: tried to shit and only farted."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/getwronged
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2013
🚨︎ report
It's freezing in here

Son:Dad its freezing in here Dad: Go stand in the corner Son:Why Dad: its 90Β°

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mfvirus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
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Cuz its the temperature

Me: I'm taking a college class about what it's like 32 degrees below the freezing point of water.

My friend: Cool, do you mind telling me what it's called?

Me: 0F course.

https://preview.redd.it/om6zintogpq21.png?width=1300&format=png&auto=webp&s=1b90d0b3afdf51473744930a3c05319b96c00ecb

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/e4c6
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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Kanye once said this

If I got any cooler, I would freeze to death.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ke923nny
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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My Dad once handed me a phone made of ice

I asked what it was for, he shrugged and said "I don't know. Think it's a cold caller."

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2017
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I got dad-joked by my 2yr old

Today I was dad-joked by my 2 year old daughter. In our usual half conversation /half Monologue I said 'I'm freezing' and she replied 'hi freezing'. I'm raising such a dry witted little butt bag.

πŸ‘︎ 292
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nattynoonoo29
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2018
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What do planets say in winter?

We're freezing our axis off.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fischfun
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
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I went to Five Below today in search of some nice deals.

It truly amazes me how they stay in business when it's always freezing there

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FatKidFromTarget
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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My dad's sister lives in antartica.

We call her auntie-freeze.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randomd0g
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
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What does Batman get from Starbucks?

Just ice.

πŸ‘︎ 167
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coffeechipmunk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2015
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Got my SO's dad at commencement

After the commencement ceremony was over, we walk out and I say,

Me: "Man, it was getting toasty in there!"

SO's Dad: "What? That stadium was freezing! "

Me: "I thought it was hot! There must have been 500 degrees in there!"

I got headshakes from her sister and her mom, and a "Hey! I'm totally using that!" from her dad. I think I'm in!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeterWins
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2015
🚨︎ report
My daughter made a dad joke

We were watching Harry Potter, and when he dive in the frozen lake to fetch the sword, I said something along "Wake up Hermione, you moron, you're going to freeze to death !".

My daughter then said "He's gonna die from Harrypottermia !"

I was so proud !

I then beat the little shit to death for doing a dad joke before me. That'll show her.

Mods : Sorry if this does not fit the sub.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoufPoal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad talking to my 4-year-old nephew.

After building a snowman yesterday:

Nephew: "Look grandpa, the snowman is still there!"

My dad: "Yeah but he's probably freezing."

πŸ‘︎ 871
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cougazul
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2016
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My dad comes out with this whilst watching Batman and Robin
πŸ‘︎ 118
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πŸ‘€︎ u/freenrich
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2013
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I'm taking an improv class [shaggy dog]

and today, we were playing a game of "Yes, Let's!" If you're unfamiliar, that's a group improv exercise where one person says "Let's do a thing!" and everybody else replies "Yes, let's!" and then proceeds to act out the scene. After acting out said scene, somebody freezes, then everybody freezes, and then someone else starts one.

In this case, it was "Let's go to a Michael Jackson tribute concert!" Now, we'd just been coached to assume distinct roles in an attempt to construct a coherent narrative, and so I, as an awkward, scrawny, blond white man, slipped effortlessly into the role of a shitty Michael Jackson impersonator. And I must have been doing something right, because the rest of the group quickly formed a scene as the audience, security, and crew, and stupidity ensued as I sucked at being Michael Jackson for all I was worth.

A few people started heckling, and then one of the audience members barged past security and mimed punching me in the head, whereupon I dramatically spun

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2017
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Got my entire class to moan with this one!

My Ecology professor was talking about Iguanas that freeze and fall from trees. So I raised my hand in a class of 150 people and said "I don't believe you, Iguana see it!

πŸ‘︎ 218
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatOdlnsRaven
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
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The air conditioning is too cold?

My classroom has air conditioning, but it only kicks in on warm days like today. When my fifth graders came in this morning, a couple immediately started complaining. "It's freezing in here!"

I had been waiting for this opportunity all year! I pointed to the corner of the room. "Well, if you're cold, you can go stand over there. The corner is 90ΒΊ!"

The best part was the chorus of incredulous students shouting "really?!" who then went over to investigate. It wasn't until they pointed out that the temperature was same over there that they realized they had been duped.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spacecatapult
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2015
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We made a video call with family staying in Mexico, Grandma dropped this one on em

"I think it's winter down there, you guys are freezing all the time!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/f0rmality
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2017
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The Ice Chest

First post in puns. Said this awesome thing, wanted to share. We were in Chemistry class, a notoriously freezing room.

I said "man, it feels like your ice chest in here!"

She said "my ice chest?"

I said "yeah, you have a nice chest!"

And she looked at me like I just said a terrible pun. In reality the pun was awesome.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OuterPace
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
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Unexpected dad joke at work

It's been really cold in my neck of the world lately. Today a coworker came into the office and said, "I'm freezing."

My other coworker replies, "You're just going through a phase."

I'm not entirely sure it's a dad joke (it wasn't "Hi freezing, I'm [name]"), and maybe it's only hilarious to us because we're chemists, but I thought this subreddit might enjoy this.

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Panaphobe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2013
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I was being bothered by a flying pest...

I was visibly uncomfortable as a buzzing, stingy creature kept flying around my head.

Dad: It's not a hornet or a wasp, just let it bee.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vonroald
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2014
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A polar bear cub goes up to his dad and asks, "Poppa? Am I a purebred polar bear?"

His dad says yes.

"And you and momma? Are you both purebred polar bears?"

"Of course, son. If you're purebred, we would have to be."

"What about your parents? Were they purebred polar bears?"

"Yes, son. This is what I'm trying to tell you."

"What about mom's parents? Were they purebred polar bears?"

"Son, they have to be. Look, you're a purebred polar bear, we're all purebred polar bears, okay? Why do you keep asking if you're a purebred polar bear?!"

"Because I'm freezing!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
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Working the Frozen ride at Epcot

Puns are my thing at Disney, and when the ride would stop working, I would say over the PA system "I'm sorry everybody, but our ride is Frozen at the moment. I know it's a bit of a fixer upper, but Elsa's giving us the cold shoulder right now, she's really freezing us out. (Or Olaf lost his cool and is having a melt down) Once we can have true love thaw out a Frozen ride, well be back up and running!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the101wanderer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2016
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Unexpected dad joke

Setup: It's 74 degrees outside and about to freeze by the weekend.

Me: It's like summer outside and it's going to freeze in a few days. It's like the world is bipolar.

Wife: MASSIVE FACEPALM

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmeanmustid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2017
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How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 461
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
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