He thought it was the Just-Ice League!
He force-stops it.
After he climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog, dry him off and he vill be fine." I said, "Are you a vet?" To which he replied, annoyed; "Vet? I'm fucking zoaking."
Eyewitness say, the man was in-Seine.
This is 0K
So there were 6 of us...
With freezing rain pouring down on us at the end of a long work day, and in the middle of a daunting task- pulling underground cables, linking four transformers together (a task where something goes wrong about 50% of the time)
There is a jet line (pulling line) attached to the head of the cable being ran, and as we are nearing completion I hear my foreman (standing at the endpoint) yell "THE JET LINE IS FRAYING!!!".
Without pause I scream back "I was a FRAYED this would happen!"
The tension on the line ceases, and I look around and see 5 blank expressions just staring back at me.
Best day of my comedic life
The sun must be some kind of space heater.
The 1st amendment is the right to freeze peach.
Turns out I left all the Windows open
Freeze it and drill the hell out of it.
Ooh brr.
(I literally made this joke up tonight and I'm a Dad)
I live in East Tennessee and it's freezing. Mom was giving me some money for gas. She called it cold hard cash and died laughing.
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualisticbird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
I told her she only needed to go to any corner of the house... They're all 90 degrees!
because it's 90 degrees there
Because he left his windows open
I mean, Look at the poor fella freezing out there.
The son looks up at his dad and says, "Hey, dad? Am I a 100% polar bear?"
The dad says, "Yes, son."
A few minutes go by and the son again asks, "You sure? Like all the way?"
The dad gets annoyed and says, "Yes, 100%. Your mothers a polar bear, I'm a polar bear, so you're a polar bear. Why do you keep asking?!"
The son responds, "Cause I'm frickin freezing!"
When the police kicked in my door they yelled: FREEZE!
My four year old was watching a Disney movie while I was in the kitchen. The app we use for Disney on the tv is horribly unreliable (Disney life on amazon firestick), randomly freezing or restarting whatever we're watching.
Anyway, I'm scoffing a cake I don't want her to have when I hear a shout.
"Daddy, the film is frozen."
I go through, look at the TV and tell her "No it's not, that's Moana."
I think it's the first time she's both gotten one of my jokes and appreciated how crap it is. Her eye roll and "ugh" brought a tear to my eye.
How many degrees does Earth's temp need to rise in order for my wife's feet to not be freezing cold all the time?
Me: I'm taking a college class about what it's like 32 degrees below the freezing point of water.
My friend: Cool, do you mind telling me what it's called?
Me: 0F course.
https://preview.redd.it/om6zintogpq21.png?width=1300&format=png&auto=webp&s=1b90d0b3afdf51473744930a3c05319b96c00ecb
Will be the day hell freezes over
After the commencement ceremony was over, we walk out and I say,
Me: "Man, it was getting toasty in there!"
SO's Dad: "What? That stadium was freezing! "
Me: "I thought it was hot! There must have been 500 degrees in there!"
I got headshakes from her sister and her mom, and a "Hey! I'm totally using that!" from her dad. I think I'm in!
After building a snowman yesterday:
Nephew: "Look grandpa, the snowman is still there!"
My dad: "Yeah but he's probably freezing."
We were watching Harry Potter, and when he dive in the frozen lake to fetch the sword, I said something along "Wake up Hermione, you moron, you're going to freeze to death !".
My daughter then said "He's gonna die from Harrypottermia !"
I was so proud !
I then beat the little shit to death for doing a dad joke before me. That'll show her.
Mods : Sorry if this does not fit the sub.
and today, we were playing a game of "Yes, Let's!" If you're unfamiliar, that's a group improv exercise where one person says "Let's do a thing!" and everybody else replies "Yes, let's!" and then proceeds to act out the scene. After acting out said scene, somebody freezes, then everybody freezes, and then someone else starts one.
In this case, it was "Let's go to a Michael Jackson tribute concert!" Now, we'd just been coached to assume distinct roles in an attempt to construct a coherent narrative, and so I, as an awkward, scrawny, blond white man, slipped effortlessly into the role of a shitty Michael Jackson impersonator. And I must have been doing something right, because the rest of the group quickly formed a scene as the audience, security, and crew, and stupidity ensued as I sucked at being Michael Jackson for all I was worth.
A few people started heckling, and then one of the audience members barged past security and mimed punching me in the head, whereupon I dramatically spun and dropped to the floor with a resounding THUD (knowing how to fall is a useful skill). The reaction was about a third laughs, a third stage-gasps, and a third just confusion. But I did get a few compliments after the exercise on my impression and my theatrics.
So I'd say that was a pretty big hit.
First post in puns. Said this awesome thing, wanted to share. We were in Chemistry class, a notoriously freezing room.
I said "man, it feels like your ice chest in here!"
She said "my ice chest?"
I said "yeah, you have a nice chest!"
And she looked at me like I just said a terrible pun. In reality the pun was awesome.
My classroom has air conditioning, but it only kicks in on warm days like today. When my fifth graders came in this morning, a couple immediately started complaining. "It's freezing in here!"
I had been waiting for this opportunity all year! I pointed to the corner of the room. "Well, if you're cold, you can go stand over there. The corner is 90º!"
The best part was the chorus of incredulous students shouting "really?!" who then went over to investigate. It wasn't until they pointed out that the temperature was same over there that they realized they had been duped.
It's been really cold in my neck of the world lately. Today a coworker came into the office and said, "I'm freezing."
My other coworker replies, "You're just going through a phase."
I'm not entirely sure it's a dad joke (it wasn't "Hi freezing, I'm [name]"), and maybe it's only hilarious to us because we're chemists, but I thought this subreddit might enjoy this.
"I think it's winter down there, you guys are freezing all the time!"
Puns are my thing at Disney, and when the ride would stop working, I would say over the PA system "I'm sorry everybody, but our ride is Frozen at the moment. I know it's a bit of a fixer upper, but Elsa's giving us the cold shoulder right now, she's really freezing us out. (Or Olaf lost his cool and is having a melt down) Once we can have true love thaw out a Frozen ride, well be back up and running!
Setup: It's 74 degrees outside and about to freeze by the weekend.
Me: It's like summer outside and it's going to freeze in a few days. It's like the world is bipolar.
Wife: MASSIVE FACEPALM
At play rehearsal we were blocking out a scene, the director explained during this particular scene the lights on one portion of the stage would dim to highlight the two with solos. One cast member asked, "When the lights go dim on us, do we freeze?" one of the older fellows in the cast cut in, "No, we'll still have the heat on." Loved it.
Edit: play rehearsal
Me: Dad it's freezing in here, can we just turn up the heat! Dad: Why do that when you can just stand in the corner? Me: How does that help me at all? Dad: Because corners are always 90 degrees :D! Brother (in the kitchen): UGHHHHHH
I work at a workout shop called Sweat. It's bit of a janky chain store. Soon, after I started working there, I start dating a super cute kelpto who has too much fun stealing. Other than that she's perfect. Winter rolls around and she gets bored.
GF wants to rob my work.
It's like -10° out.
Stores closed so they don't have the heat on but, I have a set of keys. We get into an argument about it. She tells me to help her steal at least one thing from the freezing store or she'll split up with me.
I was eating with my folks last night. My dad wants to split a margarita with my mom. So he asks the waitress if he can order one. She then tells him that the freezing machine is down and he can't have one. I said, "Well that's not cool." The waitress rolls her eyes, and a tear streams down my dads face as he congratulates me on the joke. I've never been so proud.
We're on a road trip and my mom, a biologist, says that the moon tonight is a "Full Beaver" which used to mean that it was the last night to set beaver traps before the swamp freezes over.
My dad replies: "Wow, the last time I saw a full beaver was when that girl at the concert had a wardrobe malfunction."
He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”
