Daughter: Dad, can you pause the movie so I can grab a snack.

Dad: (grabs the cats paws and pushes them) Sorry, I'm pushing pause but it's not working!

πŸ‘︎ 118
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bagabus
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Grizzly bear walks into a bar. Says to the bartender "i'll have a whiskey..................on the rocks, please" bartender asks "whats with the big pause?"

Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Carr3iroh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Called my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, could you please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?" She answered, "Yeah..."

"But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now!"

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy says he taught his dog Morse code. "Aye right Show me." Mate says. Guy turns to dog and asks "who's been a good boy then?" Dog uses paw on ground. Tap tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap tap tap pause tap. "what he say?" Mate asks

"woof" guy replies

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedDogBoyMark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Maybe he was....(takes long pause) perfoming a drill
πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Bear walks into a bar. Bartender says - β€œwhat’ll you have?” Bear says β€œI’ll have a beer......... and...................... um.............. a bourbon.” Bartender says β€œalright. Say what’s with the big pause?”

Bear says β€œoh these? I was born with em.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A bear walks into a bar and says "I want a gin.........and tonic." Bartender asks "why the big pause?"

Bear: holds up paws "cuz I'm a bear"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jherin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 430
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my husband to please press pause

and he did so on our dog’s paws

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
This made me pause
πŸ‘︎ 140
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OnlyUsesFourWords
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My dog would like to hit pause on his music career.

That means he would like to continue with it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vEnoM_420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The pastor wanted to pause for a moment of prayer this morning.
πŸ‘︎ 361
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/naturallyjoy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Dog pause

So I’m watching a movie with my dad and he asks me to pause it and as he walks out of the room he goes β€œroof roof dog pause”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LucyCarmicheal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Watching a UFC fight, my dad pauses it and turns to me:

Dad: "Hey I heard UPS and UFC were going to make a deal and let some UPS workers fight soon."

Me: "Uhhh... what? That makes no sense."

Dad: "No it does. I mean... the UPS guys are already professional boxers. It's only logical."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/celestianequator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2013
🚨︎ report
Mom asked me if i could pause an online game.

I said, no it's impausible

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kcir_semirg
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Whats the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skee_bott
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
🚨︎ report
You’re about to deliver a punchline to a blues-rock legend, but you pause for comedic timing.

Tom Waits.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kubloo
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I've lost a leg because of a pause

Now I know why the farmer was so alarmed when I took a stroll in His Field.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/analytik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2017
🚨︎ report
I hate it when I'm watching TV and my dog comes and puts her pause on the remote.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/badfish321
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2015
🚨︎ report
Pause!

My dad walked into the room when my mom and I were watching the finale of a show and i kept yelling pause for her to pause it.

My dad said Pas? There's no Pas, theres just one Pa!

Took me a few seconds, it was the peak of his dad jokes though

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dalcowboiz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
🚨︎ report
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"

"Yeah…" she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My dog would like to hit pause on his music career.

That means he would like to keep going with it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vEnoM_420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.