Deposition Puns

"Sedimentary, my dear Watson."

This means the layers of skin I pull off of those areas are corn flakes

....but now that I'm older and better established, I live direct deposit to direct deposit.

The snowbank

At the end of the weekend there is a Brother that goes around to all the casinos to cash them out and make a deposit.

He’s the Chip Monk.

I went to the bank, trembling with anticipation, got access to the box, took it into the private viewing room. I opened the box and looked in, there was an envelope in side, when I opened it, a folded piece of paper fell out. I read it, and it said: "Good things are ahead for you. Your lucky numbers are 6, 10 and 13."

Toulouse

But I’m worried I’ll be arrested for money laundering

At the skank

I was totally dependent

Teller - "Is there any reason you waited for so long to deposit this?"

Me - "It's the last thing my grandmother gave me."

Teller - "Oh, I'm sorry."

Me - "It's okay, I'll probably get another one for my birthday this year."

There were baby shower decorations set up for what looked to be one of the employee's baby shower, and some food was laid out.

My dad: Look, it's a bank-quet!

Hey guys, this sucks, but I went down to the bank and tried to deposit some views, but it turns out all the take is revenue.

I said, "It's a financial institution licensed to receive deposits and make loans."

I work in a retail bank and a customer walked into the office and said: Teller asks customer if he'd like her to check his balance. He says yes. So she pushes him over.

ba dum chiss

My wife was telling our group a story of how she and her flat-mates got screwed by their landlords (property managers, not the property owners) in England. Right before they were due to refund everyone's security deposits, they took all the money, closed the business, and buggered off to Egypt. I asked her if they set up a multilevel marketing campaign.

You know... a Pyramid Scheme?

He wanted to make a mineral deposit.

I handed her a hundred to deposit in the bank from a wedding present.

Her: Do you have any smaller bills?

I proceed to take out a ten...

Her: taking off a zero doesn't count.

So I take the hundred, fold it in half, and hand it back

This is from an actual IM chat I had with someone a while back. This was all on impulse. Nothing was planned.

ME: The main reason you want a strong lock is not because they're unbreakable, but because your neighbor should be the easier target.

HIM: Ayup. Although if you want an impenetrable lock, might I recommend Benson's Black Hole Vaults?

ME: I'd want to be able to get my stuff out, again, too.

HIM: Wait long enough. It'll evaporate out.

ME: ... in the same state in which I deposited it in the vault.

HIM: Don't want much, do you?

ME: I could try to sell the stuff in its evaporated state ... But I don't like hawking radiation.

HIM: boo HISS

I need to deposit some money in my mom's account, my name is on it too. hands her id

Her: does your mom have a last name?

Me: yes she does have a last name.

She's young and really embarrassed

Wife and I are buying a house and going through financial records. Seeing how our loan company is questioning every single transaction, a mysterious deposit was made that took us a while to figure out where it came from. When we finally figured out the transaction:

Wife: "That could have been a real booger."

Me: "You think it's a booger, but it snot!"

I was cruising through the meat section and a nearby married couple were checking out some lamb shoulders that were on special. The mum picks up a roast, inspects it and deposits it in their trolley where she then notices the package had leaked a bit.

"Oh!" She says. "I've got a bloody hand!"

"You've always had two bloody hands," jokes the dad.

Girlfriend and I went into the bank to deposit some money

Me: because banks hold a lot of money, when you check your balance with the teller, do they become fortune tellers?

So this was a few years ago I had just been diagnosed with brain cancer and I had go to a clinic and deposit some sperm before I started chemo. My dad said he would drive me there for emotional support. So I go in the back room, do my business, then on the elevator ride down my dad leans in and asks "did everything cum out ok?"

My wife has been keeping me updated on her progress and told me, "It's 12 weeks today and my uterus moved!"

I asked, "Did you get the security deposit?"

spiffy956: "Wait what? Why?"

Dad: "Because it left a deposit right here!"

I was at the bank depositing something for my job and it came up short a penny. I started looking around on the ground for one and a very nice woman next to me gave me a quarter. After I gave it to the teller she found a single penny so when I gave her the original coin back I told her

"You should play Football, cause you got a quarter back!"

Me (bank teller): "Hi, what can I do for you?"

Customer: "I'd like to make a deposit and if you could withdrawal some warm weather and deposit the cold I'd be happy with that too!"

The man then looked down at his kid who was grinning from ear to ear and gave him a high five. Had a nice chuckle after that one.

On my trip to college, I have to take Rt. 17 in NY. As some of you may know, the road goes past a town called Deposit.

Dad: Look we're in Deposit! I hope you brought your cans!

Also, there is town called Bath that we drive through.

Dad: Did you take a shower this morning, or do we need to stop here?

Every freakin' trip.

So I visited a museum that used to be a bank with my dad today. At some point, I lost track of him and went to find him. After a quick look around, I saw him emerge from the bathroom.

"I was wondering where you went," I commented

"Well this is a bank," he replied "so I thought I should make a deposit!"