They are, after all, a margarine-alized community.
Being a good son, I quickly obliged him and returned from the kitchen with tall, cold glass. Aspiring to reach his level of dad joke mastery, when he thanked me, I replied,
"Nothing but the dairy best for you, dad."
Without missing a beat he looked me dead in the eye and replied,
"Don't do dairy puns. They're cheesy."
God damn it.
Item #: SCP-3739
Object Class: Keter, Threat Level Red
Authors: FloppyPhoenix, KindlyTurtleClem
Hello SCPDeclassified, Brewsterion here. Today, I wanted to tackle an SCP that a lot of people seemed to not understand at first glance, SCP-3739. To be entirely honest, I didn’t understand this one myself at first read, but after talking with some people on Discord and finding out a LOT of people didn’t get this one, I decided to take care of it myself. So grab a glass of hopefully nonanomalous milk and let’s get into this SCP.
Immediately upon opening the page, we can see this article is set in the Broken Masquerade canon, where the Foundation’s been revealed to the public. As such, this article will be much lighter on secrecy. Additionally, the top of the page mentions Pataphysics, indicating that we’re gonna be dealing with something involving narratives. However, instead of the Pataphysics Department as seen in most pataphysics articles, it’s Pataphysical Digital Archives. The Foundation isn’t using 3739 to benefit themselves, they’re just marking it as pataphysical and letting it be. That means either the Foundation can’t make use of it with their current tech, or they simply don’t have an interest in it. Let’s move into the actual article now, not just the header.
Before we can get to the document, however, there’s a notice from the Department of Pataphysical and Digital Archivists. It’s an advertisement-based inoculation.
>Need containment insurance? We've got you covered. South-Central Protective Services, protecting you against malignant Fae hexes, hemovore invasions, and flesh-eating Sarkic rituals since 1826.
Well that’s...odd. If we’re being inoculated, it’s definitely memetic, but inoculation in the form of an advertisement? That’s not standard by any measure, but it does give us a suspicion about the nature of 3739. After that, a few little prompts come up involving infiltration attempts and and memetic advertisements, and our inoculation is complete. But before we move on to the containment procedures, let’s take a look at this collapsible: “SCP-3739-1 Quarantine History”
>Expecting a 5% drop of lactic optimization in your lactose tolerance. Buy all yeast stocks, all yeast stocks, all yeast stocks.
>
>If the Moon is made of cream cheese, then we'll sell it!
>
>Milk! The Meaning of Life.
>
>You'll Wonder Where The Red Went When You Brush Your Teeth with Noosphere Fresh Dreams™!
>
Currently 25+2 and my hormones have been pretty tame this entire pregnancy. Until last night.... Literally cried and sulked for 6 hours because my partner was ignoring me while I made a really bad dairy pun.. I knew it was my hormones making me crazy but I just couldn’t control them and that made me crazier. Now I’m laying in bed as embarrassed as can be
/u/koryuuu: Thank youuu for the valentine's day conversation starter postcard! The stamp is really cute and I do think I'll make my own little button of what's written on the card and try it out some time. Hopefully I don't look too silly lol
/u/ random_avocado: got your second postcard! Didn't know you are a big fan of How I Met Your Mother too! The Hokkaido Milk pudding looks legen...wait for it...DAIRY (pun intended lol). and your hamster sticker made it here okay!
/u/ TwerpTwo: Thanks for the polar bear postcard! When they are playful wrestling like that, you almost forget they are predators in the wild =p Hope you have a great day!
Basically, be aware of what you're dabbing. He dropped some beautiful white crumble, and in a moment of heroic "no dab left behind" dove down into the carpet, retrieved his dab, and promptly dropped it on the nail.
Yeah, um...so I had eaten pizza the night before, and must have spilled some Parmesan cheese from the little packets, because what he "Milked" (dairy pun, sorry) wasn't hash and I personally would have preferred no vomit on my couch.
Anyway, be safe out there kids, and no dabbing cheese.
Because they lack toes.
I (19F) attempted to make vegan ice cream for my roommate (20F), who recently became a vegan. It's definitely been an adjustment trying to share the apartment with her since she has expressed that she was uncomfortable with keeping animal products in the kitchen, so I moved all my dairy and meat into the fridge in my room. Anyway, I thought non-fat milk was "fake milk," like soy milk or almond milk. So I've had that in the kitchen fridge for a while and she never mentioned anything about it so I thought it was fine.
Anyway, I made myself ice cream and thought it might be nice to make her some since she complained about how the local ice cream shops don't have any vegan flavors. I didn't want to use her soy milk since there wasn't much left, so I just used my nonfat milk instead. She really liked it and said it was way closer to ice cream than the sorbet she's been eating and asked for the recipe. I gave it to her and she was PISSED. She said she just figured I kept it in the communal fridge because I was out of room in my fridge and yelled at me about how I'm an asshole for not doing the bare minimum googling to figure out whether it was vegan. I yelled back about how I was trying my best to accommodate her by moving all my stuff and making vegan stuff for her already. I felt really bad afterwards because she started gagging after yelling at me and said she was getting sick from the milk I gave her. So, Reddit, AITA?
what are you doing to stop the animal farming industry?
EDIT: the mods banned me for “brigading” so I can’t respond to any messages
EDIT 2: by “they support factory farming and deforestation” I mean that you buy the products that are related to those (meat, other animal products), therefore supporting it
I'm going to ask a date to homecoming using cow puns (inside joke between us, I promise I'm not a creep). What are some good cow puns for this (I don't know her well enough for anything to x-rated). Thanks for your help!
Edit: Any dairy puns work too
Apparently I don't work well with udders.
One cow says, it was the udder one
