Dairy Farming Puns

He was a danger to himself and udders.

I’ve herd it all before

Udder Chaos

It's a mootual fund.

I guess she prefers a clean dairy air

*edit. This actually happened. She almost tipped the car her eyes rolled so hard.

I interrupted the conversation and said "you mean the acCOWntants?"

This was over a month ago and I still proudly think about that joke.

It’s utterly amoosing... sorry for MILKING it.

But he can't find an udder job.

She had a cow when I told her.

Maize growers - their jokes are always corn-ear.

Cheese and quackers!

Mum: "Do you think it's abandoned?"

Dad: "Looks dairy-lict to me."

You could feel the pride radiating from him.

It was a busy day we had a whole bunch baby cows born today and our calve pens are now completely full:

Me: If we get any more calves this barn is going to turn into a mad house...

Manager: Yea any more babies and it will be complete and udder madness

dairy air

What an udder disappointment.

Me: didn't uncle Floyd own a dairy farm?

Mom: It was his parents but they sold it for around 3 million dollars.

Me: Wow, thats a real cash cow.

Dad begins laughing from the other room

I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"

That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.

You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.

As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.

I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.

So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fill a truck as well as square bails, there was still a net monetary gain from the efficiency gained elsewhere.

However, studies were done on the bails. The cows approached them differently due to the different alignment of surface area. The way the rain hit the bails and rolled off as opposed to soaking in leached nutrients out of the hay. Some cows even mistook the shape of bail for another animal, and approached them so nervously that their heart rates were known to raise significantly; such a rate that a tinge of acidity could be tasted by those in the know in their milk.

What all of this amounted to... is that with the new round bails of hay, the cows just weren't getting a good square meal.

Some of the kids attending are:

Sally Buckteeth and her family of farmers,
Larry the Lefty and his fam of circus freaks,
And Johnny no-feet and his family of midgets.
They were all excited for their tour of the dairy farm, and the CEO himself stood up to speak: "OK, everyone, a few ground rules: due to the industrial nature of the farm, mandatory steel-toed boots and a minimum height requirement are in effect."
The assistant pipes up- "Sir, one of the kids can't attend the trip!"
CEO- "Oh no, which one?"

The assistant replied, " Little Johnny, the one that lacks toes and taller aunts."

I grew up on the farm, but my son was a city boy. We get there:

Son: I smell butt! Me: No, you smell dairy air.

He rolled his eyes, but I think I thought I heard him chuckle under his breath.

An udder disaster

He was a danger to himself and udders.

It was udder chaos

He was considered to be a danger to himself and udders.

He was a danger to himself and udders.

He was a danger to himself and udders.