Whenever we visited my Grampa's dairy farm, there'd be mud and cowpats everywhere, and my Dad would say, "I love dairy farms! Look at the dairy barn, and the dairy cows, and...

"Smell that sweet Dairy Air!"

If the joke's unclear:>!"dairy air" sounds like "derriere"!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuddenHedgehogs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2021
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I got let go from the dairy farm.

Apparently I don't work well with udders.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sup_doge
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
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My friend got fired from his job at the dairy farm because of his erratic behaviour.

He was a danger to himself and udders.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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This sub is like a dairy farm

I’ve herd it all before

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πŸ‘€︎ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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What do you call it when all the cows the dairy farm go mad?

Udder Chaos

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jwaldrip
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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The cows on my dairy farm have all decided to form a new financial vehicle made up of a pool of money collected from many cows to invest in securities...

It's a mootual fund.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Wife and I were driving past a dairy farm, and all she could smell was manure

I guess she prefers a clean dairy air

*edit. This actually happened. She almost tipped the car her eyes rolled so hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SalmonGram
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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At work talking about an accounting firm that does the books for some dairy farms...

I interrupted the conversation and said "you mean the acCOWntants?"

This was over a month ago and I still proudly think about that joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Delds04
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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Have you heard of the dairy farm uprising?

It’s utterly amoosing... sorry for MILKING it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Corn_11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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My dad doesn’t like working down on the dairy farm.

But he can't find an udder job.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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I wanted to surprise my wife by buying a dairy farm...

She had a cow when I told her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Devcon4
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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Who tells the best jokes down on the farm, Dairy farmers or Maize growers?

Maize growers - their jokes are always corn-ear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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What did the farmer exclaim when the ducks got into his dairy farm?

Cheese and quackers!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
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Driving past a dairy farm.

Mum: "Do you think it's abandoned?"

Dad: "Looks dairy-lict to me."

You could feel the pride radiating from him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypercinth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
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I got dad joked by my manager on the dairy farm I work at

It was a busy day we had a whole bunch baby cows born today and our calve pens are now completely full:

Me: If we get any more calves this barn is going to turn into a mad house...

Manager: Yea any more babies and it will be complete and udder madness

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nickster790
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2015
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What's the first thing you smell on a French dairy farm?

dairy air

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HardlyNetworking
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2016
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My cow stopped producing milk

What an udder disappointment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KurlyKarl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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Dad joked my mom today.

Me: didn't uncle Floyd own a dairy farm?

Mom: It was his parents but they sold it for around 3 million dollars.

Me: Wow, thats a real cash cow.

Dad begins laughing from the other room

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EliteJDL
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2015
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Regarding the diets of dairy cows.

I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"

That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.

You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.

As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.

I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.

So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fill a truck as well as square bails, there was still a net monetary gain from the efficiency gained elsewhere.

However, studies were done on the bails. The cows approached them differently due to the different alignment of surface area. The way the rain hit the bails and rolled off as opposed to soaking in leached nutrients out of the hay. Some cows even mistook the shape of bail for another animal, and approached them so nervously that their heart rates were known to raise significantly; such a rate that a tinge of acidity could be tasted by those in the know in their milk.

What all of this amounted to... is that with the new round bails of hay, the cows just weren't getting a good square meal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/estomasi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
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It's 'family field trip' day at a small Wisconsin school...

Some of the kids attending are:

Sally Buckteeth and her family of farmers,
Larry the Lefty and his fam of circus freaks,
And Johnny no-feet and his family of midgets.
They were all excited for their tour of the dairy farm, and the CEO himself stood up to speak: "OK, everyone, a few ground rules: due to the industrial nature of the farm, mandatory steel-toed boots and a minimum height requirement are in effect."
The assistant pipes up- "Sir, one of the kids can't attend the trip!"
CEO- "Oh no, which one?"

The assistant replied, " Little Johnny, the one that lacks toes and taller aunts."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
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Took my kid to the farm for the first time.

I grew up on the farm, but my son was a city boy. We get there:

Son: I smell butt! Me: No, you smell dairy air.

He rolled his eyes, but I think I thought I heard him chuckle under his breath.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/growlingbear
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2016
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What do you call a failed dairy farm?

An udder disaster

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfiniteElway
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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My friend lost his job at the dairy farm because of his erratic behaviour.

He was a danger to himself and udders.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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Did you hear about the dairy farm with mad cow disease?

It was udder chaos

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mozzatits
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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My friend got fired from his job at the dairy farm because of his erratic behaviour.

He was considered to be a danger to himself and udders.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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My friend got fired from his job at the dairy farm because of his erratic behaviour.

He was a danger to himself and udders.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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My friend lost his cow milking job at the dairy farm because of his erratic behavior.

He was a danger to himself and udders.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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