Lowell George was bragging about the band he was in but nobody cared
It was such a little feat
I never really cared about plants
Until I learned to photosympathize
A farmer recently won an award for well cared for grass in one of his paddocks that he spent a lot of time in...
... he was outstanding in his field.
My kid asked if a horticulturist cared for baby trees.
I said, “no, that’d be a pedia-treecian.”
The school made the use of "bullet points" illegal because it incited violence in the classroom, and I must admit I couldn't have cared less. That's all changed now, though.
The bus driver isn't allowed to drive my kids anymore because we live on a dead end street.
My friend announced that he parkoured his way to the top of a pub, but nobody cared.
After all, it was a low bar to climb.
I never really cared for gardening, but after planting a few seeds..
Sock puppets caring for each other.
Why did the police call for back up at the day care centre?
There was a 3 year old resisting a rest.
Why do you have to be more careful with duck eggs?
Because they already have little quacks in them.
The calender better be careful
What do you call a polar bear that will feed you and care for you during the day but will eat you at night?
A blacksmith doesn't care if he's giving you a headache.
In fact, he'll tell you that the best thing for a headache is an anvil.
While at the grocery store, be careful not to knock over the cabbage display.
Be careful when you shop online..
Recently we ordered a German Shepherd and now the guy lives with us.
Daughter: “My friend doesn’t care about anything but fashion.”
Dad: “Sounds like your friend is very clothes-minded.”
This pun is a Cut above the rest
From r/blackpeopletwitter
I don't care for circles.
How would you care for obsessive Twitter users?
Give them addiction tweetment.
Some people don't appreciate my love for simple puns, but I don't care
This is just how eye roll
Optimist: glass is half full. Pessimist: glass is half empty.
Optometrist: glasses half price.
I don’t care what you guys think, but I’ll start wearing shoes with Velcro on it.
Here's a cooking tip, dads: when making custard, you want to be careful not to agitate or over-excite the mixture by overmixing it.
You don't want it to become flustard.
They just don’t taste right!
Neo and Trinity don’t care much for April Fools
But they’re really into the May Tricks
In Europe it's called a Lift, in Canada we call them elevators.
I guess we're raised differently.
Why do you have to be careful when it's raining cats and dogs?
You might step in a poodle :)
What do you call an elephant that no one cares about?
I don’t care what they say…
I think sleeping dogs should tell the truth!
sadly no one on fb got this one
The curse of the cursive.
Asked my friend to care for my family before I went out of town.
I told them to care for my Granny as best as possible and to feed her cats. When I came back, they were in tears.
"What's wrong?"
"I couldn't catch a single cat let alone make her eat one."
I’ve never been more angry with my wife. She came home from the store with nothing but Crab, Lobster, and Shrimp for dinner. She knows I don’t like that stuff. She didn’t even care…
She’s extremely shellfish.
My ex-wife ditched me because I was going a bit bald.
I didn't care anyway, it was hair loss, not mine.
Did you hear about the flightless bird who didn't care when the other birds made fun of him?
Want to hear a pizza joke?
Never mind it’s too cheesy
Why didn’t the fisherman care about his wireless internet connection?
Because either-net works when he’s catfishing.
What did the pirate name his lawn care company?
While at the grocery store, be careful not to knock over the cabbage display.
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