I ordered a Hit Man to take care of my business partner the other day.

After a change of heart I cancelled the order, but it was too late.

He'd been despatched.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JimmoBM
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpidersInSpanish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.

He had no idea he had started a turf war.

πŸ‘︎ 539
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flash17k
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...

must love it unconditionally.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jitspoe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the deal with those people who take care of chickens?

Bunch of chicken tenders

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the mathematician take care of his constipation problem?

He worked it out with a pencil.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WittyTurkey715
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dinosaur that takes good care of his teeth?

A floss-o-raptor

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WheezyDaStarfish
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
No ones takes better care of your lawn than Juan.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Theofficalwiggles
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
People ask me how I take such good care of my herb garden...

Really I have nothing but thyme

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRowdiest
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What man made plant can take care of it self into adulthood

Self raising flower.

I'll see myself out now.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jesusloveskfc
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Now that I have more time, I’ve decided to take care of my health and eat a more balanced diet.

I haven’t dropped any food so far!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StCecilia98
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Police were called to a day care to investigate a 3yo who was refusing to take a nap

They charged him with resisting a rest

πŸ‘︎ 149
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoNun
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Can you take care of that? Faster?
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kennydoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
How to take care of your plants?
πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
It would be pretty expensive to take care of Rocket Raccoon

He would probably cost you an arm and a leg

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Exzelt8042
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend used to take care of the lawn on a rich man's estate but now runs a coffee wholesale store...

He calls it The Groundskeeper.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the name of the guy who takes care of your lawn?

Moe

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Who takes care of saunas?

Humid Resources

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vernal59
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My ex can't take care of her hen so she gave it to me and asked me to name it

It's my Stephen

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MuadLib
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2016
🚨︎ report
How do one armed moms take care of their kids?

Single handedly

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Benjamingur9
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.

I told him I’d gourd it with my life.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/torchskul
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I had a huge argument as to who is supposed to take care of the laundry after it’s done.

Finally I folded.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between someone who takes care of bees and someone who collects the souls of the dead?

One bee keeper the other be reaper.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I do a lot to take care of my hot water heater...

Yet it remains tankless.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tehmayormccheese
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Bruce Leehad great empathy because he had to take care of his dumb sister

She was Sil Lee

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abhinit90
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m writing a book about a person who learns to take better care of their hair as they get older

It’s a real combing-of-age story.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Schmoopy_Boo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
If I can't find a day care to take of my baby I'll send him to the army.

He can be apart of the infantry.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/huffe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I told my friend, β€œYou should take care of your athlete’s foot.”

He said, β€œThat’s what makes me a fun guy.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
So the morgue nearby claims to have the best facilities to take care of corpses after they're dead...

They must be right, as everybody is dying to get there.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZSSDistortion
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call a doctor who takes care of whales teeth?

An Orca-dontist

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ricmerrifield
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2017
🚨︎ report
The pope asked me to take care of his official ceremonial handbag

It's a blessing, and a purse.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/benrules2
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Who did the apple hire to take care of its seedlings?

An Au Pear

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jwaldrip
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2016
🚨︎ report
What are you if you take care of a chicken?

A chicken tender.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/warkun5400
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

Chicken tenders

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jamesimon75
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ScumbagClub
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of person takes care of a chicken?

A chicken tender

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Boom223
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call people who take care of chickens?

Chicken Tenders

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MaximumPollution
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.
πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmantis311
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?

A Chicken Tender.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AkumaXshoguN
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
If you take care of chickens, you become the chicken tender
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A1if
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
🚨︎ report
If you take care of chickens

You become a chicken tender

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A1if
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
If you take care of chickens

Does it make you a chicken tender?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JRBX
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
what do you call someone who takes care of chickens

a chicken tender

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billingtonh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
🚨︎ report

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