Current Resident
I fart a lot around her, so I hope to have a few toot jokes in there. Any thing helps
"What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?"
"Will you be my Valenstein?"
I'm away at college now but he never fails to send me a few dad jokes!
My mom’s friend is trying to write a card for her husband for Valentine’s Day, and he loves gnomes. Shes trying to find gnome puns to put in the card associated with Valentine’s Day. Please help because I don’t know any good gnome puns.
My daughter said this while discussing Valentine’s Day card ideas.
“We could put Swedish fish in them” “Yeah and?” “Then you write, you’re my SWEETEST fish”
I audibly exhaled. And I’ve never been more proud.
On a valentine's day a number of years ago I arrived to my chemistry class and was promptly handed a valentine's card by the teacher. He had given them to each student in his class.
It simply read "We have chemistry together" with a big heart on it.
I was the only one to laugh.
Dad: Do you have a date for Valentine's day?
Me: Yeah, House of Cards and a long car ride.
Dad: Well, I do
Me: Ummmm, okayy?
Dad: Yeah, it's February 14. I thought everyone knew that.
While stapling tags with bracelets on them to cards for Valentine's Day, my 10-year old sister called into the kitchen to say, "I'm only stapling the ones that fit, Daddy!"
To which he replied, "None of 'em fit Daddy."
She looked at me and grimaced.
Me: Why do people send out Christmas cards?
Dad: Because it'd be awkward if they sent out Valentine's day cards
Me: ...God dammit...
