My buddy Jerry had to get taken to the hospital, unfortunately it looked like he needed to be operated on. He was unconscious and when he came to, he asked βwhatβs going to happen, am I going to be alright?β
I told him; βSurgeryβ.
π︎ 23
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︎ Dec 28 2020
COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously
A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 10 2021
Some bastard has taken my festive German fruit bread
π︎ 10
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︎ Dec 17 2020
A man is being taken to the gallows for his execution. The executioner asked if he had any last requests, and he asked for a high five.
The executioner left him hanging.
π︎ 346
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︎ Oct 15 2020
Taken for a ride
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Jun 03 2020
I've taken up online yoga since the COVID-19 outbreak started.
It helps me namaste at home.
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 30 2020
If you aren't happy single, you won't be happy taken,
Happiness comes from drugs, not relationships.
π︎ 9
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︎ Nov 22 2020
Itβs all taken care of
π︎ 3k
π
︎ May 15 2020
I just got my picture taken with REM
Thatβs me in the corner
π︎ 14
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︎ Sep 28 2020
Taken from Cursed Comments
π︎ 27
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︎ Aug 31 2020
Had to have blood taken today. Staff tried to put needle in but didn't go into the blood vessel.
So since it didn't go in the vein, it was in vain
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 30 2020
What do you call a cow who got his phone taken away?
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 15 2020
A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where there was a brother frying chips.
"Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied, "No, I'm the chip monk".
π︎ 45
π
︎ Aug 20 2020
The wife's mother was taken ill...
So I swiftly rushed off to find a pen and paper to write for an ambulance.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 24 2020
Taken from cursed comments, thought it might fit here
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jul 15 2020
I'll never forget when my dad told me, "Find yourself a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you!β A little taken aback, I asked him what he meant. He explained...
βShe knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them!"
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 24 2020
This whole subreddit has been taken over by puns, it's like there's a pundemic
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 15 2020
My kids have taken to playing indoor skirmish, throwing Scrabble tiles at each other.
Is all fun and games until someone loses an "i".
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 18 2020
This is going to be the first year that I haven't taken a vacation in Paris, because of the pandemic.
Usually it is due to lack of money
π︎ 120
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︎ May 31 2020
Visiting my parents for the first time since COVID. He has taken up cropdusting people and proclaiming, "Surprise health check." To make sure you can smell and/or taste still.
Sorry not a witty one-liner but peak of dad humor.
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 15 2020
To keep fit, Iβve taken up quiet tennis.
Itβs like regular tennis, but without the racquet.
π︎ 30
π
︎ Jul 14 2020
I was so scared I might get taken by this van
π︎ 21
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︎ Apr 23 2020
Azad Khan, a chef in a local Indian restaurant, overstretched and fell headlong into a vat of hot curry. An ambulance was quickly at the scene and he was taken to hospital.
Fortunately he is alive but is still in a korma.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jul 17 2020
This one had me giggling. No credit taken.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Sep 13 2018
In my downtime, I've taken to making sleepwear for my pets.
They are the cat's pajamas.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 14 2020
Can someone help me with this crossword puzzle? 7 letters, starts with R, clue is "Taken away from original place or position"
π︎ 15
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︎ Jun 16 2020
I knew a drug addict that was so desperate for a high he snorted curry powder. Got really ill and taken to hospital.
He was put in an induced korma.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 25 2020
Just found out my favorite foot fetish website was taken down
Turns out they had counterfeiting charges against them
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 24 2020
Man UFO Israel you can see they are caught on tape. (Caught on tape is taken from a post from this r/ but I don't remember u/ name from 2018)
π︎ 11
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︎ Mar 20 2020
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
π︎ 103
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︎ Jan 10 2020
I broke my hand last week, at the hospital thinking it was permanently damaged, I asked the Doctor if Iβd be able to play guitar. He replied βYes, after youβve taken time to healβ
I was ecstatic, Iβve always wanted to know how to play.
π︎ 32
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︎ Jan 01 2020
The world has been taken storm by jokes exploiting the different possible meanings of words or the fact that there are words which sound alike but have different meanings.
Stay safe everyone. This is a global pundemic.
π︎ 9
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︎ Mar 17 2020
In Despicable Me, why does Kyle always look so taken care of?
π︎ 9
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︎ Jan 13 2020
The Norwegian currency has taken ill.
Itβs got the Kroner virus.
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 27 2020
Did you hear that the Energizer Bunny was taken into custody?
They say he was arrested for battery.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 04 2020
If you're taken to prison and serve a short sentence
π︎ 8
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︎ Jan 06 2020
Taken from am Emkay video dont give hate
π︎ 20
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︎ Aug 29 2019
Boob jobs have really taken off in popularity.
Seems every year thereβs more and more βround the globe.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 21 2020
I was really scared about having my blood test taken until my brother told me to
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 08 2019
What did the person that had the first color picture taken say?
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 16 2020
My last joke got taken down.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 15 2020
Taken off laugh support due to coffin fits
π︎ 4k
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︎ May 08 2017
My son swallowed some coins and was taken to hospital...
When I asked how he was, the nurse said "No change yet."
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jul 13 2017
A friend of mine just got her wisdom teeth taken out but still wants to go to a party tonight
π︎ 24
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︎ Apr 27 2019
When a plant is getting itβs picture taken...
Itβs called a photo-shoot.
π︎ 16
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︎ Oct 14 2019
Why haven't the communists taken over yet?
π︎ 40
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︎ Apr 27 2019
A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchens where a brother is frying chipsβ¦
"Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Jul 30 2017
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