my kid's teacher reads them a joke from r/dadjokes every day, but today she was absent
so a sub read it
I'll be very disappointed if Jim Carrey's gravestone reads "R.I.P."
Rather than "Take care now, bye bye then!"
In the restroom at my workplace, there is a sign on the toilet next to the lever that reads, "Depress lever to flush"...
So I told the lever that his family doesn't love him and he will never amount to anything, but it still didn't flush. Absolutely useless.
a Polish man goes in for an eye test. they ask him if he can read the bottom row. the bottom row reads JLOWZXKY
He replies "read it? I know the guy!"
Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.
So instead, a subreddit.
(Reads menu): your restaurant has chicken strips?!
I’ve never even seen a chicken wear clothes!
There's a college for pachyderms called Hippo Campus. Their slogan reads:
"Where great memories are made and never forgotten."
From a random UK_food thread, took me two reads but nice subtle pun
Teacher: Felix, when is the boiling point reached? Felix: Just after my father reads my report card.
Helen Keller reads “Warning! Electric Fence!” in braille
“Well that’s not a good sign” she said
What do you call a person who reads Tin Tin books while in quarantine?
TinTin Quarantino
I really want to see Patrick Warburton do a stand-up comedy act where he just reads dad jokes.
That shit would be Kronk.
What does the devil say when he reads a joke. That was hell-arious
A chubby Mandalorian steps on the scale at the doctor's office. The nurse reads it and says, "215 lbs." Mando sternly replies "180 pounds..."
"this is the weigh."
A chiropractor’s sign at an event reads ‘free chair massage’.
“Chair massages? I would’ve brought mine in if I knew ahead of time.”
6 years ago today on my birthday. The Baltimore Ravens have won two Super Bowls, both on February 3rd. All a Baltimore boy would like for his cake day is some purple fever! I believe #20 intercepted Colin's ball hence "Ed Reads". I crack myself up.
Driving down the freeway just now, wife reads a sign..
"Trout Motel. Sounds fishy."
Mom joke?
I never get a chance to talk to my Dad during breakfast, because he still reads the newspaper.
I guess you could say that....he is behind the Times.
My friend's dad reads the newspaper
Dad: Oh wow!
My Friend: What's it say?
Dad: It doesn't say anything. You have to read it
As an employer who reads a lot of resumes, it's so frustrating sometimes to see a spelling misteak.
Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.
So instead, a subreddit.
